Trying Hard To Heal

I am writing this on July 16th, think back to the day I heard the words 'I can't see you anymore', and I am tired of dwelling on this idea. I don't blame her, but it's hard NOT to think about her or wish to touch her again. I HAVE to find a way back to her across the country.

I wanted to take her away but I'm a poor teacher in Texas. I wanted to make her my own: my lover, my wife, my friend, and the mother of my children. Sadly, she's gonna do all she can to make her own happiness happen. AND she deserves it! If she were mine I wouldn't deny any bit of the pleasures of the world.

Instead I am going to have to hear she's happy somehow or some way away from my life or through the grapevine or within another means to information.

(And no ... I am NOT stalking. I am just hoping she's alright.)

I am taking a few days to publish this blog just waiting to see if she'll change her mind or not.

I am hoping she'll come back to me.

I need her in my life - even as a friend.

(I'll publish this blog on 07/21 just to give me some space!)

In all honesty I spilled my guts in ways I couldn't imagine to my local-lover, and I think she's accepting that IF I go too far in trying to fulfill my needs I may have to leave.

Alone ...

Again.

I don't know what will truly happen.

All I can do is try being honest, but I can't show you the 'man behind the curtain' just yet.

After all, a magician doesn't reveal everything at once.

Blessings,




Julian

p.s. "If she even messaged me I'd fly to her in a second."

******


Lyrics to Hard Candy Christmas
(Music and Lyrics: Carol Hall)

Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
Maybe I'll move somewhere
Maybe I'll get a car
Maybe I'll drive so far
They'll all lose track
Me, I'll bounce right back
Maybe I'll sleep real late
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Maybe I'll clear my junk
Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and Dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow get me way down

Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
Maybe I'll just lie low
Maybe I'll hit the bars
Maybe I'll count the stars until dawn
Me, I will go on

Maybe I'll settle down
Maybe I'll just leave town
Maybe I'll have some fun
Maybe I'll meet someone
And make him mine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting throung tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

'Cause I'll be fine
(I'll be fine)
Oh, I'll be fine

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