Singing Aloud & Unapologetically

"Mary Did You Know"

[Originally written by Mark Lowry and Buddy Greene]
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know.. Ooo Ooo Ooo

The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am. 

Lyrics found here.

I'm not known for singing; my voice is flat and broad, and I have a small tickle in my throat that is either hereditary or just a condition that shows I should NOT be singing.  But today, Christmas, I was at 8:00 a.m. mass and this song came up on the projectors in the church for group singing.  I couldn't resist and I wouldn't have ever thought of not singing along with the choir no matter how softly I sang or whether I was off-key, missing the marks, or even if anyone looked or not.  

I was able to sing one of my favorite songs, period.  I was able to sing without reservation, needing to be part of something, or conscious of what others thought at that moment.

And then it happened ... kinda freaked me out.

I could feel myself crying.  It hasn't been an amazing year, and it hasn't been a great Christmas as I am still living off the crumbs of a substitute teachers' salary, hoping that my dreams come true someway ... somehow.  I'm fearful of mediocrity and worried this is as good as my expression ever becomes, and yet I keep plucking at the Wall.

Is the Wall inside me?  Have I given my failures a greater importance than they truly deserve?  Or am I just scared and anxious?

Right now it's a step-by-step process and all I can do is keep trodding forward until something happens and I have to keep smiling and hoping and working and wishing, dream by dream ... moment by moment.

Maybe those little tears were supposed to come out of me.  Maybe this is the time when we're all supposed to feel loved and to love one another.

One more step.  2012 is on the horizon.  Either the end of the World or the beginning of a New Day.

We'll see.

Thanks for listening.

Much love,

~ j ~ 

Merry Christmas Apology

Dearest Friends,

Merry Christmas.  If that's not how you roll then 'Happy Holidays.'  I wish you the blessings and love this season allows and I pray you're had a successful year and are headed into an even greater light of joy, love, pleasure and happiness.

You deserve it and I can only hope it happens for you.

It's been a hell of a year and I am trying to make all my own dreams come true, thus neglecting this blog, some of my stories and the chances I've been given to date.  I shall be making more efforts as always, and I shan't end the struggle for my dreams ... ever.

I am sorry that I don't have any goodies to send out so I am taking a moment from this life to say thank you to all my supporters and those of you who always wish me well and hope for my personal best.

"Thank you.  God bless you for all you've done to keep me sane and level."

2012 promises something new ... let's see what happens next.

Always,

~ j ~


*****

Dear Santa (or Satan if necessary)

Either one visiting me would make me smile ...

 Gianna Michaels (ex) or Katarina Hartlova (ex)

I promise to leave milk & cookies.

Always,

afare24get

Dreams on Loan

5.7 Million

It’s 8:15 a.m., Sunday morning and I am typing, trying to express what I saw/felt in my dreams.  The first thing I dreamt was that I opened one of my Student Loan notes for payment to learn, with interest and penalties, I owed 5.7 million dollars and they wanted a payment of $30,000 +/- so I sent them a check for $25 in a money order.  I dropped a stamp then sent it off in the mail.

I went to sleep around 2:00 a.m., the last thing on my mind being a portrait of Joan Crawford after seeing the special, “Secrets of the Will”, and seeing what happened to her family.  Super sad & creepy too.

My first dream was about someone I miss/missed a great deal.  She was reentering my life (which is in the realm of TOTAL fiction) even though several years have passed.  She told me she wasn’t leaving her home but she’d meet me in the middle of both our places.  She had actually come to my home and visited my family, who all took to her quite easily, liking her immediately.  We kept finding ourselves outdoors, surrounded by large trees and open woods.  I found myself kissing her again, holding her, amazed she hadn’t aged, changed or differed in any way since the last time I laid eyes on her gorgeous figure.

                The next thing that I remember is being in a shelter/gym/mall situation with a group of kids/teens due to some occurrence for us to congregate.  Maybe I was a leader, I don’t remember, but everyone was dressed for summer: shorts, t-shirts, flip-flops, bikini tops and the like.  I didn’t question it nor do I remember anyone eating anything but that’s what was going on at that moment.  Now that night I was sleeping in my mattress, when a busty brunette with big hair came onto the edge, wearing a t-shirt, shaking me gently, whispering, “Can I stay here?” 

                She reminded me of Vanessa Del Rio and Lisa Ann in the same breath with a hint of color on her skin, but not as old.  She was in her early 30’s when I first saw her in action so this was a younger woman/version of her.  (In fact, she kinda looked like this young internet model.)

                “Sure”, I mumbled, and turned my back to her.  We were ass to ass, and I was trying to give her space so she could relax.  Suddenly, a hand came to my shoulder, and I heard, “That’s not what I meant.”  

So I turned over, and she had her back to me.  I spooned her, placing one hand over her stomach, stroking it and feeling her belly through her t-shirt.  She wiggled, and then moved closer, keeping me pressed tight to her body.  I kissed the back of her neck, and she rolled over, one knee atop the other, smiling at me in the darkness.  I looked down at her, and she smiled back.  I felt my body moving closer, my waist working to spread her thighs, kissing her chin and her eyes fluttered.  She whispered, “That’s what I meant.”

                “Really?”  I could feel my cock slipping between her cheeks, then up along her thigh and slowly into the sweet spot that made her eyes flutter again, her smile widen and her breast start heaving as she let her t-shirt ride up, baring the perfect hard nipples to me, which disappeared into darkness as I fell face-down to lick/suck them.  (And anyone who knows me knows I am a breast man.)

               

                I awoke briefly to barking dogs, as there has been a goat loose nearby and it’s neck-bell makes a clanging sound, so I rose, opened the door to my shanty and let them loose, allowing them to bark all they pleased.  Before I slipped and arose to release the dogs, I thought she said, “You won’t let anyone else cum in me will you?” 

I don’t know why but for some reason … maybe it’s my hidden perversions but I felt it was something akin to maybe a bisexual reference or an orgy idea/ideal/condom use.  Totally unsure but something I registered in my head.  Either way she was smiling and that was enough for me.

I finally arose around 8:00 a.m. and have been sitting here ever since, editing, rewriting, sipping coffee, feeding dogs, occasionally looking for internet porn and checking e-mails.  I can’t say dreams mean nothing, and I can’t honestly say I can translate them as they’re personal to our own fears and desires, emotions and failings.  Failure is someone I am familiar with like my own Shadow; in fact, I think he is a Shadow, a sense of all I could be or all I could have been, and am still trying to capture even at this age, at this time.

It’s 11:30 p.m. and I have work in the morning.  I’ve got to steam my slacks and a shirt, polish my shoes and make sure I shave and have my morning coffee.  I am supposed to do the announcements in the morning, as I am taking the place of the student council sponsor who also teaches Algebra and Geometry at the middle school I’ll be at in the morning.

Happy Christmas

Hello dear readers. 

No I have not died or dropped off the face of the earth, been hospitalized or become born-again.  Nothing so severe.  I am just busy substitute teaching; and teachers are grabbing every possible day they can, knowing they can leave me in charge to care for their classes, kids, technology and personal effects.  I can run GradeBook, GradeSpeed, RSCCC, (which some districts STILL use) and can keep tabs on the kids without falling apart as a teacher.

Now as an artist, I am trying to do a few new things.  My personal life isn’t as much fun as it’s been in the past and I am just hoping to see a few dreams/attempts happen before I settle into mediocrity.

I have been fighting that for years.

I know I’ll never surrender but I don’t want to be like “The Kid’s” dad in Purple Rain.  I don’t want my children or friends to find a cache of unmet or unfulfilled dreams.

Holiday break starts soon.  Some of you can expect something every cool.  Other I may make an offer for something interesting to your postal mail.

Thanks for listening.

Much love,

Afare24get