Friday, January 23, 2009

The Fantasy Dillema



I am student teaching at a scandal-riddled high school where the students are a little juggy, and the ones in my class have the cutest, firmest asses and the longest legs imaginable for young women in this age group.



But glancing at cleavage, at sweet, young rounded asses, and the smooth curves of their delicious young firm bodies is SO wrong.



God help me I hope I don't fuck one of my little darlings before I get out of here.



Of course ... if they seduce me. ~lol~




Blessings,





Julian





Thursday, January 8, 2009

Condensing the Dream Journal

I was told my blog had a little length to the answers so I felt a condensed version would help & give a better gravity to answers.
Blessings,
Julian
************
CHILDREN - To see children in your dream, signify an aspect of yourself and your childlike qualities. You may be retreating back to a childlike state where you are longing for the past and the chance to satisfy repressed desires and unfulfilled hopes. Perhaps there is something that you need to see grow and nurtured.?Take some time off and cater to the inner child within. Alternatively, the dream may be highlighting you innocence, purity, simplicity, and carefree attitude.

The loss of a child, signifies fallen hopes or a project.

To save a child, signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed. If you dream that you are separated from your children, then it symbolizes failure in some personal endeavor or a setback in some ideal you had.

Children - child An actual child or child-like person in your life

A feeling of responsibility for something or someone else in your life; a need to pay more attention to your needs or take better care of yourself in some way

Children - Usually refers to youthful memories, or attitudes that still live on in you. If we become a child in a dream, it may be you are feeling immature in some way. The child also means what is growing and eager in your, what is vulnerable and perhaps easily influenced in its growth. The dream events will give you insight into what is happening to your 'child' self.


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SEARCH - To dream that you are searching for something, signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. You may be searching for a solution to a problem.

searching - searching Looking for knowledge, understanding, or insight
Trying to regain something physically, mentally, or emotionally
Searching for something you've lost can mean that in real life you're feeling you've lost—or are afraid to lose—whatever that item represents. For example, searching for your car because you've forgotten where you parked can mean you're feeling you've lost touch with yourself, your self-identity, or your personal integrity (represented by the car).

searching - SEARCH/SEARCHED/SEARCHING Usually indicates an attempt to find: a past way of life - like wanting to have childhood lack of responsibilities; a lover from the past; trying to find an answer to a pressing problem; searching for ones identity or sense of value in a particular setting. Also it may indicate a feeling of having lost something - youth; sexual appeal; creativity; motivation.

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HORIZON - To see the horizon in your dream, symbolizes a new beginning or a somber conclusion. The horizon represents your goals and future plans. You are in a continual state of growth, rebirth, and regeneration.

horizon - limit or boundary A limit, boundary, or edge can have many meanings, depending on the context. Some possible meanings include:

An extreme or something "far out" (such as "the edge of the world," "the edge of reason," or "the limit of my patience")

Personal limitations, or perhaps some way in which you are limiting yourself in your life
Limitations put on you by others, society, circumstance, environment, or something else outside yourself

horizon - (no listing found)

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RUINS - To see ruins in your dream, suggests that you are neglecting aspects of your life. Alternatively it indicates that you are self-destructing or aspects of your life are falling apart. You need to get it together and get on the right path.

ruins - broken object A broken or damaged object can represent a less than perfect, impaired, less effective, ineffective, or useless version of whatever the object represents. For example, a broken steering wheel in a your car could mean you're feeling less than effective at staying on track in your life right now. A broken or damaged wedding ring could mean you're feeling that your marriage is going through challenges and could use some "repair." See also: depleted breaking an object bursting flood inferior hole broken leg destroying disabled

ruins - RUINS An old and now useless way of life you led in the past; a particular personality structure that has now broken down; feelings you have abut some aspect of your life. The ruins in many dreams are shown as a castle, and this suggests the defences you used at one time to survive, but are now not necessary.


-------
CELEBRITY - To see a celebrity in your dream, represents your beliefs and understanding about him or her. Something in you waking life has triggered these similar beliefs and feelings. It is not uncommon that your obsession with a certain celebrity may carry over onto your dream world. Celebrities are often seen as heroes and all that is mighty. Also consider any puns within the name.

To dream that you are good friends with a celebrity, represents your idealized version of someone you know in your life.? Perhaps you hope that a real-life friend can act more like a particular celebrity. Consider the qualities that you see in this celebrity and how you want your friends to have those qualities. To dream that you are having sex with a celebrity, indicates your drive to be successful. Consider what movies you associate this celebrity with or what makes this celebrity famous for clues as to where and what you want to achieve success in. See also Actor / Actress.

celebrity - celebrity Dreaming that you are talking to a celebrity or that you are friends with a celebrity can mean that your subconscious mind considers that person a friend because you "interact" with them often, or like to "interact" with them by watching them in the media. (The subconscious mind may not see much difference between a seeing a person in the media and talking to them in person.)

Dreaming that you are a celebrity when you're not can mean you desire attention, recognition, respect, approval, or other things you associate with fame.

celebrity - CELEBRITY Meeting or being a celebrity may show that you desire to be noticed and acclaimed. Or the famous person may be your own potential, often unacknowledged, and projected onto dream character.


---------
SOAP - To see soap in your dream, indicates that you need to wash away some of your emotions or past memories. You may also be feeling emotionally dirty or guilty and are trying to wash away the shame. Perhaps you need to confess something.

soap - soap Getting rid of unwanted things, feelings, thoughts, situations, etc., or a desire to do so
Denial, trying to "erase" facts, trying to get rid of feelings, evidence, etc.
Getting rid of memories, or results or residues of past events

soap - SOAP Cleansing. An attempt to come clean, to be rid of guilt or conscience or something that makes you feel grubby. See: Washing.


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NUDE/NUDITY - "I'm Naked!" - Nudity also symbolizes being caught off guard. Finding yourself naked at work or in a classroom, suggests that you are unprepared for a project at work or school. You may be uninformed in making a well-formed decision. With all eyes on you, you have this fear of having some deed brought to public attention. You fear that people will see through your true self and you will be exposed as a fraud or a phony.


Many times, when you realize that you are naked in your dream, no one else seems to notice. Everyone else in the dream is going about their business without giving a second look at your nakedness. This implies that your fears are unfounded; no one will notice except you. You may be magnifying the situation and making an issue of nothing. On the other hand, such dreams may mean your desire (or failure) to get noticed.

For a small percentage of you, dreaming that you are proud of your nakedness and show no embarrassment or shame, then it symbolizes your unrestricted freedom. You have nothing to hide and are proud of who you are. The dream is about a new sense of honesty, openness, and a carefree nature.

nudity - naked Vulnerability or openness. Dreaming you are naked can mean:

Being naked in a public place (and you intend to be) can mean:

You're comfortable with yourself and you don't tend to let other's opinions limit you
You have nothing to hide in whatever situation the dream represents.

nudity - NAKED Revealing what we usually try to conceal, in the way of feelings, thoughts and reactions. We may hide dislike with a smile. If we are not pleased to meet someone, we may hide our feelings with courteous behaviour, shaking hands, but a child will usually refuse to talk to, shake hands or associate with, someone they dislike. Their real feelings are therefore naked to view. To be naked in a dream may thus express either a fear of or a desire for people to know your real feelings; fear of being disclosed or revealed; or discovery of your real self.

Some naked dreams show extreme self consciousness about other people seeing you. In other cases the dreamer enjoys being on view, likes people, or the doctor, to look at them.

Therefore being undressed can either be anxiety about being revealed, or pleasure in letting someone else see how attractive and perhaps desirable you are. Sexual feelings are often a part of these dreams. See: Clothes.

Useful questions are: Am I feeling relaxed about this or exposed and vulnerable - and does that reflect how I feel about people knowing who I am?


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PHOTOGRAPH (TAKING) - To see a photograph in your dream, indicates that there is a relationship that needs your attention.?You are not looking deep enough in the relationship or situation. It may also mean that you are clinging on to the past or to some false hope.?Consider who or what is on the photo. The image may be trying to take you back to a particular moment in time.

To dream that you are altering a photo, suggests that you are putting out a false image, Or something is not what it seems to be

**Please see also Picture. - To dream that you are taking a picture, suggests that you need to get a good understanding and gain more information on some issue. You need to focus more attention to some situation or relationship. Perhaps you feel that you need to recapture some past moments in a relationship.


Photographer - To dream that you are a photographer, represents your need to hold on to an image from a point in your life.

photographs (taking) - photograph The person, place, or thing shown in the photograph, or a special focus on them . Memories, or the way you remember an event (which may or may not be the way it actually happened). The idea of a mock-up or fake version of what's in the photo (rather than the real thing)


Taking a photograph can represent wanting to remember something or enjoying a particular moment.

For more clues to meaning, consider the subject portrayed, the context, and how you feel about the photo.

photographs (taking) - PHOTOGRAPH A memory, an impression one may have forgotten, or occurred subliminally. In some people’s dreams the photograph comes to life, suggesting a memory, hope, or impression that is now coming into activity, or is an active influence in the present.

Developing photos: Bringing to consciousness feelings, realisations or memories that were previously unconscious or latent.



ALL POINTS FOUND IN THIS ORDER SUMMARIZED FROM THESE COLLECTION OF IDEAS:

http://www.dreammoods.com/

http://www.thecuriousdreamer.com/

http://www.dreamhawk.com/index.html

http://afare24get.blogspot.com/2009/01/strange-dream-lot-to-think-about.html - Original blog with FULL explainations of dreams; the above are summaries/condensations

Monday, January 5, 2009

Blade Runner






Will this blog be lost too one day, like tears in the rain?
Maybe ... maybe not.
Blessings,
Julian

A Strange Dream - A Lot To Think About

(Dear Readers ... I wrote this yesterday morning, and I thought I could look up the symbols (in bold) so I am going to see what you all think about my thoughts & dream! Blessings ~ Julian)



I dreamt I was teaching in a middle school, running about because for some reason my class was always mobile. They were like a PBS version of the "Mystery Machine" from the Scooby-Doo cartoons. various ethnicities, sizes but not a one older than 13 or 14 years. I was also trying to avoid the cathing eye of my adminstrator who was looking to either 'do me in' or 'rid herself of me' ... for some reason we had some kind of contention. As it was the school was ancient, decrepit and looked like a cross between the Overlook Hotel from "The Shining" and the Asylum from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next" with a little "Jacob's Ladder" thrown in to show the wear and tear of the age on the tiled walls and the (lime/yellow ?) flakes on the wallpaper & offices.


After giving all my running adventurers money for lunch, I saw I had enough for a coffee or a soda, and just kinda accepted it. I was looking for free snacks in the teachers' lounge, maybe some coffee, and I was noticing the flickering lights, disrepair and general messiness of this school. The kids then called me to go with them to find 'something', though I can't honestly say what it was they wanted me to find. So I followed them out into a warehouse where the inside was piled with debris and assorted junk, from toys and old metal scraps to ruined books & papers of assorted sizes. I don't know what specifically we sought but we had to find it.


Then I looked out and saw the horizon, which looked bleak and tired, a haze of dead sun and flat colors, and a small shack in the very distant line of sight. I wasn't sure what it had to do with the place we were in but I just accepted it. The kids rummaged through the trash, and then bolted out. I didn't see what they chased or if anything scared them but I was done and followed them out.

Then ... I was part of a group of people in a small room, myself, another pair of men and a woman who looked a little chunky and but a cute brunette, and we were told we'd be bathed in a small hole that had a layer like a ring, barely big enough to fit us all into it. Inside the hold was another hole with some cakes of soap, and a smaller hole for one person; from what I gathered a person goes into the center hole, washing & scrubbing everyone surrounding them at groin level. Well I wasn't sure what detail I'd need to wash other men but I wasn't thrilled with this idea. As I & the woman stripped to get into the small hole to be washed, a man at a radio (like a ham radio) turned to introduce (or point out) Paris Hilton entering the room. I glommed on like a total fan-boy, watching her strip as nude as I (apparently had been or already) was in the dream. She looked drunk, like she'd been released & was hung-over. I didn't want anything more than the image with her, though we were both naked. It was odd my dream didn't turn into my fantasy perversion but I just accepted her smiling at that moment and took a photo with my camera phone.

Very odd ... then barking dogs awoke me & I wrote this.

Analysing ...


*******
Children - Children To see children in your dream, signify an aspect of yourself and your childlike qualities. You may be retreating back to a childlike state where you are longing for the past and the chance to satisfy repressed desires and unfulfilled hopes. Perhaps there is something that you need to see grow and nurtured.?Take some time off and cater to the inner child within. Alternatively, the dream may be highlighting you innocence, purity, simplicity, and carefree attitude.

The loss of a child, signifies fallen hopes or a project.

To save a child, signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed. If you dream that you are separated from your children, then it symbolizes failure in some personal endeavor or a setback in some ideal you had.

searching - Search To dream that you are searching for something, signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. You may be searching for a solution to a problem.

horizon - Horizon To see the horizon in your dream, symbolizes a new beginning or a somber conclusion. The horizon represents your goals and future plans. You are in a continual state of growth, rebirth, and regeneration.

ruins - Ruins To see ruins in your dream, suggests that you are neglecting aspects of your life. Alternatively it indicates that you are self-destructing or aspects of your life are falling apart. You need to get it together and get on the right path.

celebrity - Celebrities To dream that you are a celebrity, signifies your high aspirations that may be way beyond your reach at the present moment. You may just be setting yourself for a let-down. If you dream that a friend or lover becomes a celebrity, then it denotes your fear of losing the friendship and loyalty of this person.

To see a celebrity in your dream, represents your beliefs and understanding about him or her. Something in you waking life has triggered these similar beliefs and feelings. It is not uncommon that your obsession with a certain celebrity may carry over onto your dream world. Celebrities are often seen as heroes and all that is mighty. Also consider any puns within the name.

To dream that you are being carried off by a certain celebrity, indicates that you need to carry and acknowledge certain characteristics that the celebrity portrays. What is your impression of this celebrity and what do you believe is true about them. Another interpretation of this dream is the notion that celebrities tend to be modern day heroes. In this regards, they take the place of the archetypal motifs of the hero. Thus the dream decpicts your ideals, goals and your own journey of creativity.

To dream that you are good friends with a celebrity, represents your idealized version of someone you know in your life.? Perhaps you hope that a real-life friend can act more like a particular celebrity. Consider the qualities that you see in this celebrity and how you want your friends to have those qualities. To dream that you are having sex with a celebrity, indicates your drive to be successful. Consider what movies you associate this celebrity with or what makes this celebrity famous for clues as to where and what you want to achieve success in. See also Actor / Actress.

soap - Soap To see soap in your dream, indicates that you need to wash away some of your emotions or past memories. You may also be feeling emotionally dirty or guilty and are trying to wash away the shame. Perhaps you need to confess something.

nudity - Naked To dream that you are naked, denotes the fear of being found out and exposed about your activities and misjudgment.

To dream that you suddenly discover your nudity and are trying to cover up, signifies your vulnerability to a situation.
To see a naked person in your dream and you are disgusted by it, signifies some anxiety about discovering the naked truth about that person or situation. It may also foretell of an illicit love affairs, loss of prestige and scandalous activities. On the other hand, if you are accepting about another's nudity, then it implies that you see through people and accept them for who and what they are. If you do not care about someone else's nudity, then it suggests that you need to learn not to be afraid of rejection.

*For an in depth analysis, click on Common Dreams: Naked

"I'm Naked!"

So you are going about your normal routine - going to work, waiting for the bus, or just walking down the street when you suddenly realize that you are stark naked. Dreaming that you are completely or partially naked is very common. Nudity symbolizes a variety of things depending on your real life situation.

Becoming mortified at the realization that you are walking around naked in public, is often a reflection of your vulnerability or shamefulness. You may be hiding something and are afraid that others can nevertheless see right through you. Metaphorically clothes are a means of concealment. With clothes, you can hide your identity or be someone else. But without them, everything is hanging out for all to see. You are left without any defenses. The dream may telling you that you are trying to be something that you really are not. Or that you are fearful of being ridiculed and disgraced. If you are in a new relationship, you may have some fears or apprehension in revealing your true feelings.

Nudity also symbolizes being caught off guard. Finding yourself naked at work or in a classroom, suggests that you are unprepared for a project at work or school. You may be uninformed in making a well-formed decision. With all eyes on you, you have this fear of having some deed brought to public attention. You fear that people will see through your true self and you will be exposed as a fraud or a phony.

Many times, when you realize that you are naked in your dream, no one else seems to notice. Everyone else in the dream is going about their business without giving a second look at your nakedness. This implies that your fears are unfounded; no one will notice except you. You may be magnifying the situation and making an issue of nothing. On the other hand, such dreams may mean your desire (or failure) to get noticed.

For a small percentage of you, dreaming that you are proud of your nakedness and show no embarrassment or shame, then it symbolizes your unrestricted freedom. You have nothing to hide and are proud of who you are. The dream is about a new sense of honesty, openness, and a carefree nature.

photographs (taking) - Photograph To see a photograph in your dream, indicates that there is a relationship that needs your attention.?You are not looking deep enough in the relationship or situation. It may also mean that you are clinging on to the past or to some false hope.?Consider who or what is on the photo. The image may be trying to take you back to a particular moment in time.

To dream that you are altering a photo, suggests that you are putting out a false image, Or something is not what it seems to be

*Please see also Picture.

Picture To see a picture in your dream, symbolizes a mental imprint that remains persistent in your mind. There may be permanence in your actions. Also consider the pun on "picture this" or "seeing the big picture" in a situation.
To dream that you are taking a picture, suggests that you need to get a good understanding and gain more information on some issue. You need to focus more attention to some situation or relationship. Perhaps you feel that you need to recapture some past moments in a relationship.

To see a black and white picture in your dream, indicates that you need to consider opposing views/values. Alternatively, it may denote you need to add more color and pizzazz to you life.

Picture Frame To see or or place a picture in a picture frame in your dream, represents a wish to have a current situation or relationship remain the same as it is now. You dread change. Consider what is depicted on the picture for additional significance.

Photographer To dream that you are a photographer, represents your need to hold on to an image from a point in your life.


http://www.dreammoods.com/

************************

Children - Dream Symbols were found in your search.child An actual child or child-like person in your lifeAn adult who has been acting like a child, or with the emotional disposition of a child
The need for self-nurturing, and responsibility for yourselfDreaming that you have a child that you don't have in real life can represent: A feeling of responsibility for something or someone else in your life A need to pay more attention to your needs or take better care of yourself in some wayAlso consider what stands out about the child, such as physical characteristics that represent an actual person (child or adult) in your life, age, or specific actions.

searching - searching Looking for knowledge, understanding, or insightTrying to regain something physically, mentally, or emotionallySearching for something you've lost can mean that in real life you're feeling you've lost—or are afraid to lose—whatever that item represents. For example, searching for your car because you've forgotten where you parked can mean you're feeling you've lost touch with yourself, your self-identity, or your personal integrity (represented by the car).

horizon - limit or boundary A limit, boundary, or edge can have many meanings, depending on the context. Some possible meanings include: An extreme or something "far out" (such as "the edge of the world," "the edge of reason," or "the limit of my patience")The best, the most, or other superlative conceptsPersonal limitations, or perhaps some way in which you are limiting yourself in your lifeLimitations put on you by others, society, circumstance, environment, or something else outside yourself

ruins - broken object A broken or damaged object can represent a less than perfect, impaired, less effective, ineffective, or useless version of whatever the object represents. For example, a broken steering wheel in a your car could mean you're feeling less than effective at staying on track in your life right now. A broken or damaged wedding ring could mean you're feeling that your marriage is going through challenges and could use some "repair."

celebrity - celebrity Dreaming that you are talking to a celebrity or that you are friends with a celebrity can mean that your subconscious mind considers that person a friend because you "interact" with them often, or like to "interact" with them by watching them in the media. (The subconscious mind may not see much difference between a seeing a person in the media and talking to them in person.)

Dreaming that you are a celebrity when you're not can mean you desire attention, recognition, respect, approval, or other things you associate with fame.

soap - soap Getting rid of unwanted things, feelings, thoughts, situations, etc., or a desire to do soDenial, trying to "erase" facts, trying to get rid of feelings, evidence, etc.Getting rid of memories, or results or residues of past events
nudity - naked Vulnerability or openness. Dreaming you are naked can mean: You're feeling vulnerable or exposed somehow, perhaps to other people's opinions and judgmentsYou feel or fear that you try too hard, or are too forthcoming, in relationshipsYou feel or fear that you've rushed things in a certain relationship

Basic, simple, or unadorned, such as "the naked truth"Showing up naked in a public place (and being embarrassed) can mean you're subconsciously afraid of being embarrassed, singled out, etc. in a social situation or that it's important to you to fit in, maintain appearances, or be accepted.

Being naked in a public place (and you intend to be) can mean: You're comfortable with yourself and you don't tend to let other's opinions limit youYou have nothing to hide in whatever situation the dream represents

photographs (taking) - photograph The person, place, or thing shown in the photograph, or a special focus on themMemories, or the way you remember an event (which may or may not be the way it actually happened)The idea of a mock-up or fake version of what's in the photo (rather than the real thing)Taking a photograph can represent wanting to remember something or enjoying a particular moment.

For more clues to meaning, consider the subject portrayed, the context, and how you feel about the photo.

************************

Children - CHILD Usually refers to youthful memories, or attitudes that still live on in you. If we become a child in a dream, it may be you are feeling immature in some way. The child also means what is growing and eager in your, what is vulnerable and perhaps easily influenced in its growth. The dream events will give you insight into what is happening to your 'child' self.

If this is one of your own children, look up son or daughter.

searching - SEARCH/SEARCHED/SEARCHING Usually indicates an attempt to find: a past way of life - like wanting to have childhood lack of responsibilities; a lover from the past; trying to find an answer to a pressing problem; searching for ones identity or sense of value in a particular setting. Also it may indicate a feeling of having lost something - youth; sexual appeal; creativity; motivation.

horizon - (no listing found)

ruins - RUINS An old and now useless way of life you led in the past; a particular personality structure that has now broken down; feelings you have abut some aspect of your life. The ruins in many dreams are shown as a castle, and this suggests the defences you used at one time to survive, but are now not necessary.

celebrity - CELEBRITY Meeting or being a celebrity may show that you desire to be noticed and acclaimed. Or the famous person may be your own potential, often unacknowledged, and projected onto dream character. If you are deferring to the character, or feeling they have power over you, they may be showing how you relate to a parent.

If you have difficulty relating to the famous person, you may be struggling with accepting yourself as respected, or your desire ambitions and efforts to become successful.

Sometimes: The person may, because of their life or role, represent a particular quality such as courage, love, 'ruling' drives in life, authority, etc.

soap - SOAP Cleansing. An attempt to come clean, to be rid of guilt or conscience or something that makes you feel grubby. See: Washing.

nudity - NAKED Revealing what we usually try to conceal, in the way of feelings, thoughts and reactions. We may hide dislike with a smile. If we are not pleased to meet someone, we may hide our feelings with courteous behaviour, shaking hands, but a child will usually refuse to talk to, shake hands or associate with, someone they dislike. Their real feelings are therefore naked to view. To be naked in a dream may thus express either a fear of or a desire for people to know your real feelings; fear of being disclosed or revealed; or discovery of your real self.

Some naked dreams show extreme self consciousness about other people seeing you. In other cases the dreamer enjoys being on view, likes people, or the doctor, to look at them.

Therefore being undressed can either be anxiety about being revealed, or pleasure in letting someone else see how attractive and perhaps desirable you are. Sexual feelings are often a part of these dreams. See: Clothes.

There is an almost instinctive drive in many young children to uncover themselves to others. Erich Fromm, in his book Dreams - The Forgotten Language, says that, "It is hardly possible to pass through a village in country districts without meeting a two- or three-year-old child who lifts up his or her blouse or frock before the traveller, possibly in his honour." As adults, if such behaviour were punished or frowned upon we may still be stuck in this behaviour, desiring the acceptance we should have received at an earlier stage of our growth. Useful questions are: Am I feeling relaxed about this or exposed and vulnerable - and does that reflect how I feel about people knowing who I am? Is there any signs of sexual feelings here, and if so what does the dream suggest about my response?

If there is a reason for my being naked, what is it?


photographs (taking) - PHOTOGRAPH A memory, an impression one may have forgotten, or occurred subliminally. In some people’s dreams the photograph comes to life, suggesting a memory, hope, or impression that is now coming into activity, or is an active influence in the present. Developing photos: Bringing to consciousness feelings, realisations or memories that were previously unconscious or latent.

http://www.dreamhawk.com/index.html

************************
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphorism - check out all THESE memorable notes


Monday's Fear



Monday's child is fair of face.
Tuesday's child is full of grace.
Wednesday's child is full of woe.
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving.
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monday's_Child

I am not full of grace. Shit maybe but not grace. And I know the highschoolers trudging back from their holiday aren't going to feel anything but contempt with the school they're imprisoned within for 8+ hours a day. I know I will as this could be my future.


And that saddens me.

Like with the telemarketting job, I KNOW this is nothing I want to do in any way, and I can't help but to wish it would be over very fuckin' soon. I HATE, and I do mean to use that word this morning as I am in a pickle of a jam. The fuckin' shithall of a university hasn't PLACED me in a fuckin' schedule on the electronic page for my classes! WITHOUT THAT I can't get my student loan, and they're only doing them on-line now so I am totally FUCKED!!! I HATE SCHOOL!

I HATE TEACHING!! I HATE CLASSROOMS!! I HATE THE CONFINING SPACES AND THE KIDS THAT I CAN'T FUCKING KILL WITH MY BARE HANDS OR STRANGLE OR MUTILATE AND CRUSH AND RUIN!!!


I AM going to be a Bad Teacher. For once it'll be the teacher who goes on a killing spree, knocking off pretend thugs left and right, banging young whores in the ass & making them
drink his cum before capping them too! A little necrophelia never hurt anyone. ~roflmao!~

A lot of people can look & say that teaching isn't a job but it is a vocation, like the priesthood or becoming a sister/nun. You're supposed to be called to this decision, and I am having the feeling I am not made for this life.

Teachers are never treated with the luxury, respect or the joy they deserve. They are seen as less-than-professional when they take summers off, and relax. But does ANY parent make the teachers' job any easier for them? Do they take away the childs' cell phone, or make them dress appropriately, or want them to be respectful?! Shit, I've had conferences when the parents show up in flip-flops, tank tops and shorts, looking like they stepped out of the fuckin' bathroom.

AND DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT POVERTY! My father may have not had the money for designer clothes or worked a white-collar job, but he had dignity, and respect for teachers, and cared for their welfare, and would take time off from work just to cook for them. He's a good man and for him to see the way the schools are now is sad; I'd be ashamed to introduce him to my students. I would barely let any of my friends see me at work on campus.


Between the teachers & the lack of respect is one thing: parents.

It takes a license to drive, a background check to buy a gun, and a credit check to rent and apartment, but NOTHING is required to have children. The assholes giving us the most problems are the ones who had fucked-up lives and can't live up to the expectations that the World expects. They're on the government tit, welfare and Lone Star cards for their food and malt liquor.

And like the BANKS and CAR COMPANIES I am paying for that shit!!

Personally I think they should all burn in fuckin' HELL!!! Some government bigwigs lost over $70 billion dollars. "That's nine zeroes son!" They say they can't track where the money went, BUT if you're a teacher in Texas, in a public school, then you HAVE TO HAVE your students pass the TAKS or it's your ass.

Period. No waiting, maybe some mentoring, but you're ass is on the line.

Fuck this bullshit!!

I shall complete my goddamned student-teaching, and I shall finish my time in the public schools.

I shall graduate ... and maybe leave Texas.

After all I may as well be closer to the Dream Factory of Hollywood and maybe finally I can be a professional writer. God help me if I still want to be a teacher after that move to California.

I know that I shall be looking for a job in the church, so I can actually teach and not have to put up with the misery that IS TAKS! Fuck that!

Fuck them, fuck this ... and fuck it all.

If take a teaching job my dreams are over. Period, and I can't stand that idea. My dreams have been dying since they came to the sky ... why can't they flourish?

Why can't I bloom?

Where's my rainbow? Has my depravity ruined my life? Is this my self-actualization?

Am I going to die without affecting change in the world?

Or was it never meant to be?

Maybe I was born as fodder, and need to see that before venturing any further in life.
But, that's not for my chance to committ suicide; just to change.

Fuck it - it's Satuday.

Cartoons & some eggs.

Figure it out later.






~ j ~





http://listverse.com/crime/top-10-evil-children/ - Listed Top 10 Evil Children

http://www.ubersite.com/m/54417 - Bad children; gotta read this story

http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/evil.html - Evil children & abusers & people

http://www.jimloy.com/math/billion.htm - number of Zeroes in number status

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rote_learning - There is nothing wrong with this; they can't paint an abstract when they don't know how to hold a brush or use a color palette.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization - Have I swallowed what Maslow was discussing all along or am I just bitching?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs - Why am I not the pyramid?

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Epilogue (On Contrition)

Sequel to "Self-Loathing Game" - Written - 12/18/2008



As I left the store I was stopped at the lights of Military Drive and Zarzamora, and wandering between the cars was a tiny hulk of a man. His clothing was shabby, he looked like a hunchback, bundled, a battered sign flapping in the cold, holding the cardboard with had two words scrawled in bold letters:

Homeless
Veteran



He looked like something Will Eisner would have drawn. When I saw the protected turn didn't change immediately, I bolted out of my car, opening the door, standing, scanning traffic for his location. I spotted him behind my car, a little back in traffic, shouted, and he ambled up to the best of his physical ability. (I think he had a limp.) I took the singles from my wallet, apologized for not having more, and jumped back into my car as the green light came on. Maybe this makes up for my behavior yesterday.



Maybe ... maybe not.



Blessings,




~ j ~



http://afare24get.blogspot.com/2008/12/self-loathing-game.html - Where it all began