Crazy Job Future

Neurotics build castles in the sky.

Psychotics live in them.

Psychiatrist collect the rent.

****
The school I'm working at has just offered me a job, and I hate the idea that now my dreams have become solidified into a 'job'. I don't know if I'll ever have a chance to write more erotic short stories or play on-line with my friends & part-time lovers.

No phone sex.

No real sex.

No visits.

At this point, to alleviate my madness I am thinking about just going to visit one of my lovers before the window of pleasure and timing closes once and for all. I am glad she's my friend & lover and she makes me smile in ways you can't imagine, and NOT just for sex or perversions, but with her friendship and her desire to make me happy, inside and out.

I'd leave my life in Texas for her.

She's worth the chaos, the madness, the weirdness, and the spinning lies and paranoia.

Life only allows a few gambles in life: this could be one of them for me.

I'm either returning with a big smile on my face and memories galore, or I am going to be chased back to the US by a missed-meeting chance and a so-close-and-yet-so-far-away moment. It would be nice and I could have a little hope for the greatest sexual experience or I could be sorely disappointed.

I've actually been invited to Alabama, and to Florida.

Maybe I'll need to take more trips this summer.

If you look at this statue you'll see a small gold charm tied to the wrist. This is called a 'milagro', which is a way for the faithful to transmit prayers and hopes for small miracles to occur via the favorite saint of devotion.

~lol~

Maybe I need a miracle or two.

Julian

The Texas Patient

Almásy: New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything. For the heart is an organ of fire.

(later in the movie after the plane crash)

Almásy: Every night I cut out my heart. But in the morning it was full again.

Hana: If one night I didn't come to see you, what would you do?
Kip: I'd try not to expect you.
Hana: Yes, but if it got late ... and I hadn't shown up?
Kip: Then I'd think, there must be a reason.
Hana: You wouldnt come to find me? Hmm, that makes me never want to come here. Then I'd tell myself, 'He spends all day searching. In the night he wants to be found.'
Kip: I do. I do want you to find me. I do want to be found.

Katharine Clifton: Promise me you'll come back for me.

Almásy: I promise, I'll come back for you. I promise, I'll never leave you.

I am looking for someone special in my life; some days I feel so damned trapped and other days I feel like the great libertine that I wish I were. The hedonist has tripped, and has fuckin' fallen down.

I am hoping to find someone special ... someone who will fulfill my wants & needs. Hopefully I'll know something more about my heart with this delight and this search for my dream.

Maybe my dreams are warped ... but I've wanted them for SO long. They have never waned.

Let's see what happens.

Julian

Second Life

I have a 'Second Life' character and I am still working out the methods by which to animate the creature that is me there ... or here.

Whichever ... either way, I am going to be chatting or meeting people here too.

~lol!~

Julian

To My Angel

Happy Easter Everyone.

I lit this candle to someone special - hope she sees & knows how important she is to me.

Maybe my life will change or maybe not.

But at least (for once) I am being honest about my feelings.

Wow ... feelings.

Anyway, blessings & love to everyone, especially to my angel.

Always,

Julian