Toxic

Much can be construed about what's deepest inside me, and sometimes I know that I don't want to express or like it. But, sadly, like both sides of the coin, I embrace it heatily and deeply, keeping it close to my heart and wishing it could be the better part of me, even as ugly as it could be. It's the Dorian Grey, my hidden ugliness, my fear of what I will one day be: gnarled, grotesque, and hideous to all in my sight.

And yet ...

Yet even with this understanding, I bathe in my ruthlessness and despair, my evil crushing the resolve inside me that years of guilt and nagging have shaped me with like a hunchback at his belltower, aching for the beautiful gypsy dancer never to love him as he worships her. I am always going to be somehow ugly or gnarled, vile and sickening to my peers, my own understanding and to the intuition of of my mentality.

My mind, warped as it is, needs to be cleansed, and should be slapped like an impetuous child on run from its' responsibilities, awake & aware, but always seeking approval for the lewd and droll things it wants or the childish nature of its' own meaningless existence.




Do I want to be aware of the good I do, or would I rather wallow in the misery I create for myself, my own painting fiasco of splattered misery and crude expression?

Lord knows I'm no Jackson Pollock.



My ideas are splattered all over the world, in message boards and on notes around the planet, and I hope to make the universe my canvas, creating the most amazing art there ever could be shown to the world. I want to be famous, incredibly famous, and ready to conquer all there is inside me and outside of the lives of the people I know now. I'm just a simple kid from San Antonio, a southsider who made good by getting a degree and a good job, but ... honestly, is 'this' all there is for me?



Has the last chapter of my book been written already?

Or have I been doing the rewrites since I was 27, failing and rebuilding, hoping and wishing, crying and laughing constantly, loving the need to do good more than the people who love me? Is that even a question any longer, or just the beginning of my mission statement?


Toxic lyrics - a Britney Spears song (sung as a cover by Yael Naim)

Songwriters: Karlsson, Christian; Jonback, Henrik; Dennis, Cathy; Winnberg, Pontus

Baby, can't you see?
I'm calling a guy like you
Should wear a warning
It's dangerous, I'm fallin'

There's no escape
I can't wait, I need a hit
Baby, give me it
You're dangerous, I'm lovin' it

Too high, can't come down
Losing my head
Spinning 'round and 'round
Do you feel me now?

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic?

It's getting late
To give you up
I took a sip from my devil cup
Slowly, it's taking over me

Too high, can't come down
It's in the air
And it's all around
Can you feel me now?

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic?

Don't you know that you're toxic?

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?

Intoxicate me now
With your lovin' now
I think I'm ready now
I think I'm ready now
Intoxicate me now
With your lovin' now
I think I'm ready now


© EMI MUSIC PUBG LTD; MURLYN SONGS



Let's see what happens next shall we?

Ciao.





Julian

The Local Drive-In

Recently, here in San Antonio, a local drive-in was closed and partially demolished: the Mission Drive-in on Roosevelt & East White Street.

The place is an institution, and has been a wonderfully established as (hopefully) historical site here in San Antonio. The front facade of the drive-in has stayed up and I've been told that the concession stand may also stay up.

But ... there's one spot on the Southside that has been forgotten by time and the Wal-Mart corporation, called the Trail Drive-In. The Trail drive-in was an established theater from the '50's to the '70's until it went porn. And when it went porn, it raised the metal walls and added trees surrounding the outer barriers and people were watched carefully entering the place by the guy or girl at the front of the ticket booth.



(For more information about blue theaters in San Antonio, see my previous entry, linked here.)

Now some people will find themselves a little uncomfortable about talking about living out their fantasies at either a drive-in or in an adult theater; nowadays gloryholes can be kinda dangerous with the diseases and things you can catch out there. Not to mention the wicked or jealous people living among us - thus my hedonism.

I may be going off-line soon.

I am going to visit someone wicked & delightful; she's married & I am seeing someone, thus I could wind up in a very nasty position.

Maybe one day I'll tell you about my fantasies.

Blessings,





Julian



http://www.flickr.com/photos/8526154@N03/3303111899 - Mission drive-in information in detail; also a vintage photo of the drive-in with the neon strips and the marquee.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/san-antonio/27062-gone-but-not-forgotten-san-antonio-222.html - Trail Drive-In

Rihanna Needs A Spanking!

Bad bad girl Rihanna.

I have heard that THIS was what caused nice guy Chris Brown to go apeshit and pimp slap her to the point of an arrest and total public humiliation.

There were rumors that Chris Brown may have leaked the phots himself, to make her more miserable, but then again, why would he do that considering what images were also leaked of him? (See below)



When I saw this image I got a REALLY good laugh, and I almost lost all control of myself; after all IF he leaked the images shouldn't he have edited out the picture of himself wearing a woman's thong/panty on his head?



Personally, he should be glad he wasn't cuckcolded openly, like some men have found themselves, like above in the image.

I think we need to stop the violence. If Rihanna want to give away her goodies LET HER! As long as she's old enough LEGALLY then we can only appreciate or ignore the images on the web.

And if not I guess then we're gonna have to spank this precious angel.

Adios.



Julian

Being of Two Tongues aka Bilingual

Jose Nunez - Bilingual lyrics


The only aphrodisiac I need is your voice
Hearing you speak my name
Beckoning me to answer
Telling me you want me
So I tell you that you're the answer to every question I've ever had about love


Without words I use my tongue to tell the tale of us
Tracing your shadowscape
Kneeling before you my eyes feast upon your masculinity and
All it's divinity and I praise you
Because all of that is for me


I begin to indulge myself of your delicacies
Digesting semi-sweet dark chocolate decadence as it melts
Dripping down my chin
Your taste is something Godiva couldn't re-create


Needing every atom of your anatomy
Necessity is placed upon me knowing you are the source of my serendipity
Dipping in and out of me stroking more than my consciesness
Subconsciously I find myself rewinding our love scenes
In my daydreams
Seeing that face you make when you're making me cum
And it makes me want you right there and then


Thinking of you in inappropriate places I get
Tingling sensations in private locations where I wish to be caught between a rock and your hard place


As wetness develops my legs begin to open and my spot turns to a backdraft and all I want you to do is extinguish it
You know my body like the back of your hands
And touch me and send me into ecstacy


My thighs quiver in anticipation of deep penetration which gets me high
Body rising
Sweating
Panting
Make-up melting
Pulling my hair and
Scratching my back
I get a temporary case of tourettes because all I can say are four letter words in a four octave-range screaming your name

Aye papi.... *English Translation of Spanish Lyrics* "You are so big and so hard, you give it to me so good, you are my mortal sin."

(Aye papi, eres tan grande y tan duro y mo lo das tan bueno...tu eres mi pecado mortal...cojelo otra vez...)

You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual


I see your tongue pink between your lips and I want it between mine
And I struggle
As you lick torturing me
I try to get away but
Not really


Running out of room begging for more up against the wall that has been scuffed by my stilletos
Again
You pry apart my thighs and tell me to be still
And I willingly submit to you because I love the way you dominate me
Demanding that I cum for you so I do as I'm told


You've molded me so I'm good to no-one else but you
You've conquered this once orgasmicless world and multiplied it
Again and
Again

My face radiates with after-glow
My pillow scented by you
A fragrance which haunts me
My room smells of the best sex


Covered in body prints and finger prints and you above me
Your name written indelibly upon my body in your genetic history


You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual

*************



************


In a few weeks I may find myself leaving Texs to make someone happy, savoring the lust of my
heart and soul the angel I have dreamed about for the last few years.

We've spent the last few years on phone calls & on cams & in chats of the most perverted kind - and it's been WONDERFUL!

She will make me bilingual and I shall hopefully be groaning & enjoying myself long in a weekend delight of carnal pleasures and absolute bliss.

All my fantasies fulfilled in her body and soul.

I am going to make myself smile - period.

I deserve the smile; this is my graduation gift to me.

Be well,




Julian