Feeling Different

So what would you (my readers) say if I posted/sent one of the other blogs a cock-shot of me?

I am feeling different, I really don't know how else to put it but I feel different.

(Pause)

As for the image of my wang, I'm not hung, I'm not John Holmes and I'm not an upright a malt liquor beer bottle.  But since my dental surgery I've been feeling ... different.

Hot Chocolate - Every 1's A Winner Lyrics @ LyricsTime.com

What's next? I dunno ... but I'll keep moving forward.

Thanks for listening. Hope you like the music.

~ J ~

Rumors Say ...

I could be teaching the hottentots until the end of the year, meaning a constant source of cash in my life and in my pocket, which will be helpful in the upcoming year.

I'm still taking my drugs, hoping the damned stitches will fall out of my jaw and my mouth will heal a little better.  And I am trying to paint.

Or draw ... or smile.

That's it.

Thanks for listening.

Love,

~ j ~

Settled Pain, the sequel

Settled Pain = Happy Camper

            Monday morning at 9:30 a.m., I went to see the dentist the clinic referred me to after my bout with pain last week.  They told me I’d need to see an oral surgeon who’s remove my Wisdom teeth from my head and honestly, I was fuckin’ scared.  

No bullshit. 

I didn’t want to go, but a good friend of mine took me and I went in, calm and collected.

            Unlike the previous dentist he was not condescending to my lack of dental care; in fact, he was complimentary at the state of condition I held presently.  (I drink a lot of milk so that could be my saving grace.)  He was a nice Indian man, kind eyes, and his staff was very patient with me.  I think they could see I was nervous so they put me at ease and kept me calm, never telling me anything that could happen or if the procedure would be painful.

            The night before I couldn’t sleep.  I kept seeing Youtube videos of dental techniques and clips from the movie Marathon Man rushing into my skull.

            Even jacking off to porn didn’t lower my blood-pressure.

            But for some reason, when I got there, I was calm.

            After taking another x-ray, the dentist came in, gave me several small shots and numbed the inside of my mouth.  All the drugs we locals so I had control of my facilities.  I was thinking about punching the dentist in the balls if I felt the slightest pain so I was lucid and ready for anything.

            Now how did he do it?

            Well, drugs for one thing.

            He was chilled, smiling and never insulting or rude.  Total professional; I’d go back if I had insurance, no doubt.

            I started counting the leaves on the faux paintings he had on the wall.

            Then I started counting the holes in the ceiling tiles, but my vision is shot so I need to get my eyes checked next and probably get some glasses.

            (I haven’t had glasses since the 80’s and dental work since the 90’s so as you can see I can damned well let everything go except for my dreams.  They’re the only thing keeping me alive to date: the perfect woman, the perfect life, the dream to end all dreams.)

            Then came the tools, and the blood, but not very much of it.

            When he entered my mouth with a big thick instrument (Sounds like the beginning of my erotica!  ~lol!~) I paused, felt a mild discomfort, and accepted it, swallowing and letting him do all the work, never bouncing back or becoming over excited.  His nurse held my head in place, the dentist spun my skull a few times, and he was done.

            No crying, no whining and a mild irritation when he began cleaning my teeth.  Since we had arranged for me to pay in installments I gave him the $250 I had in my wallet with the promise that I’d pay the rest on April 01 when the district pays me again for all the wonderful substitute teaching I do at their beck and call.

           

So, this is something similar to the collection he used on me.

Along with this little doozy.     

And this is what he did.

(Pause)

And this was the end result.

For the last few days I’ve been on soft foods, like soup, yogurts, pudding and all my coffee and tea have to be lukewarm or tepid; nothing scalding and nothing icy.  I’ve been told to eat gently, slowly, deliberately, so as not to aggravate the stitches in my skull or to expose the gum line to excessive force and cause bleeding.

            I’ll be like this till I return to school, and all I need to do is finish my antibiotics, my pain killers and the oral solution I use to keep the wound clean.  It’s super-strong mouthwash but I am doing my best to tolerate the horrid taste.

            Sadly, I didn’t take my cell phone or ask for the teeth as a souvenir but I was glad the procedure was done, I would still have money to last me the next few weeks, and I was able to feel my recovery beginning.  I am sleeping during the day a bit more than usual but I’ll be okay.

            I’m a happy camper now.

            Sans 2 teeth, but happy nonetheless.

21 Questions - If these are PG-13 what are the X-rated ones like?! (with Addendum)

To be a little fun I may be adding some images to this entry today. I picked this up from another blog because the PG-13 intrigued me as I am a film buff, and think society has declined with the introduction of such a rating.

1. How old are you? ~ I am 43 born July 1967.

2. What's your favorite color? ~ Green, but I like a lot of natural tones. It makes me happy, but happy doesn't always exude confidence.

3. First car you ever had sex in? ~ Chevy Monte Carlo

4. Favorite rated R movie? ~ Torn between the English Patient & Carlito's Way

5. Favorite flavor of popsicle? ~ We have paletas in the South/Texas which are made with ice and fruit so I go strawberry.

6. Banana or apple? ~ Apple, green.

7. Favorite Jersey shore character? ~ No way! I'd rather BE in Celbrity Detox with Dr. Drew than watch that one. Maybe it's an age thing.

8. Are your nails painted and if so what color? ~ Nope. Gnawed but not painted.

9. Favorite animal? ~ Dogs. I have 2, almost like the ones in the picture.

10. If you could bang a Disney character who would it be? ~ Ariel from the Little Mermaid; I had a friend of mine in college who was a brunette version of Ariel.

11. What time is bed time? ~ 2am, but I get up at 6am to feed dogs & get ready for work. I take a nap when I'm home & done teaching so staying up late off-set's my body-clock.

12. Do you have kids? ~ Nope, but I'd like to; failed 3 DNA test in the last 20 years.

13. Last time you bought a toilet brush? ~ Last year.

14. Double penetration ( come on I had to get one in) ~ Looking for volunteers? ;-)

15. Bubble bath or long hot shower? Hot shower.

16. Can you speak a foreign language? ~ Spanish, a little French & Italian but honestly, why? Babel Fish do it all for you.

17. Describe yourself in 2 words? Smart ass. Better than being a dumb ass.

18. How many tattoos do you have if any? Unmarked, and it leaves fewer distinguishing marks on your body for identifiable points on an APB.

19. How do you like your eggs? Easy over.

20. How do you get rid of a hickey...I need to know I don't have a clue. The only one I had was on my inner thigh; I guess a turtle neck sweater?

and 21. Favorite color to wear. ~ Black, sunglasses, shoes/boots or my overcoat. Any of those make me feel super-confident.




*************


And I have returned to Daisy's Blog, and found 21 MORE questions that I can't help but to try and answer.  Photos are another story...

Do you dare take the challenge?  "I do."   Be as naughty or virginal as you want. Wanna play copy the questions, grab my button and link on up.

This week is first thing you think of are ya ready???

1. Pink - Victoria's Secret

2. Lolly pop - Motifake

3. cherry on top - Dairy Queen

4. 3 - My weight (embarrassing) times a hundred

5. entertainment center - HP laptop

6. spoon - coffee

7. Biology lab - a dissection project

8. Wham Bam - Thank you Ma'am

9. Dessert - Heineken

10. Rough - Wood

11. Hot tub -80's porn

12. Sex Club - A place I wanna visit

13. Lips - Someone far away in my dreams

14. floor - a slice of mad impulse

15. ice - something I can't have due to my Wisdom Teeth removal

16. naughty or nice - cupcakes

17. table top - messy classroom (sorry!)

18. back - standing straight

19. Ryan Reynolds (yes had to get him in) - sweaty six pack (Blade 3)

20. Tattoo - Hervé Villechaize & Kat Von D

and 

21. boobies - My Favorite Pair = Christy Canyon & my favorite size (F-cup; I just miss a certain pair of boobs!)

21 Questions - If these are PG-13 what are the x-rated ones like?!

To be a little fun I may be adding some images to this entry today. I picked this up from another blog because the PG-13 intrigued me as I am a film buff, and think society has declined with the introduction of such a rating.

1. How old are you?
2. What's your favorite color?
3. First car you ever had sex in?
4. Favorite rated R movie?
5. Favorite flavor of popsicle?
6. Banana or apple?
7. Favorite Jersey shore character?
8. Are your nails painted and if so what color?
9. Favorite animal?
10. If you could bang a Disney character who would it be?
11. What time is bed time?
12. Do you have kids?
13. Last time you bought a toilet brush?
14. Double penetration ( come on I had to get one in)
15. Bubble bath or long hot shower?
16. Can you speak a foreign language?
17. Describe yourself in 2 words?
18. How many tattoos do you have if any?
19. How do you like your eggs?
20. How do you get rid of a hickey...I need to know

and 21. Favorite color to wear.

Not a Happy Camper

Okay, I'm kinda scared so if you don't hear from me for the next few days I'm loopy on drugs or recovering slowly and hoping for minimum fear to coarse through my body.

Monday morning, 930am I am having my Wisdom Teeth pulled from my head, and to make matters worse, I just saw a video on Youtube where a dentist used a fuckin' chisel to rip out the goddamned teeth!!!

There will be blood, and there's gonna be fear.  A member of my family will be driving me and keeping me company to make sure I don't lose my mind or freak out or lose control of my car going across town to have this done.

And to think I was gonna use this money for sign material and paints.

~lol!~

Gonna pray, and gonna light a candle before I leave in the morning.

Adios.

~ j ~

Class War

First seen on this blog: http://cultofthedeadfish.blogspot.com/2011/03/uk-class-war.html

I may have to become more political as I grow older or there will be nothing left for my children (when I finally have them) or grandchildren.

Take care.

Photo Story

Here's the link: Click This

Follow along with the images & see if they give you a chuckle or a smile, teach a lesson or make you say, "There but for the grace of God go I ... "

Shit, I gotta do something constructive in this ol' world before I check out, right?

Cheers mate.

~btw~  I'd love a wife like Geena Davis in "The Long Kiss Goodnight"

 

 Neneh Cherry - "Woman"

You gotta be fortunate
You gotta be lucky now
I was just sitting here
Thinking good and bad
But I'm the kinda woman
That was built to last
They tried erasing me
But they couldn't wipe out my past
To save my child
I'd rather go hungry
I got all of Ethiopia
Inside of me
And my blood flows
Through every man
In this godless land
That delivered me
I've cried so many tears even the blind can see

Chorus:
This is a woman's world.
This is my world.
This is a woman's world
For this man's girl.
There ain't a woman in this world,
Not a woman or a little girl,
That can't deliver love
In a man's world.

I've born and I've bread.
I've cleaned and I've fed.
And for my healing wits
I've been called a witch.
I've crackled in the fire
And been called a liar.
I've died so many times
I'm only just coming to life.

Chorus

My blood flows
Through every man and every child
In this godless land
That delivered me
I cried so many tears even the blind can see

Chorus

 Lyrics found here

Unsettling Pain

The Damned Unsettling Pain

                I have a bit of a threshold for pain.  I can tolerate quite a bit and don’t worry too much about wounds once the initial shock has subsided.  But right now I am in so much fuckin’ pain I hate myself and I hate the world around me.  I am trying to control it and maybe, along with my loss record in life currently, I don’t put my heart into my faith.  I should, and I try, but it doesn’t always happen for me.  God does answer my prayers; more often with ‘no’, or ‘sorry, that’s not for you’.

                (Fuck, the pain is subsiding a little with the aspirin but I hate taking drugs.   I can feel the throbbing into the back of my skull, and I hate feeling weak or injured, or impotent for that matter.  I’m not a success, I don’t feel happy, and I am trying to write, and the damned writer’s block won’t leave me anything but shitty little poems and I don’t like writing them, but at least they’re expressive.)

                It doesn’t even feel like a punch, a large smack that lands on your face or head, jarring your brain, making you shudder and jerk, then fall down or ringing in your ears, keeping awake for fear of never opening your eyes again.  It’s worse.  It feels like a boring worm, spinning & eating into your ears from the inside out, tearing into your jawline, making you wish you could rend your mouth open, remove any ailment, and stop the fucking pain completely.  The damned internal throbbing is the worst: think Marathon Man & the phrase, “Is it safe?”

                I am going to prepare a few worksheets and maybe take the day off, see the dentist and take what little money there is in my pocket with me, hoping for a miracle of cheap/inexpensive dental work.  I can’t even afford to lose a day of work but I don’t have a choice and need to get some fuckin’ relief or I will rip off someone’s skull at the wrong time.  I am driving across town near my old home where my family lives (meaning my folks) and hope I don’t need to call my father for a ride home if I am too woozy IF I have a procedure done to me. 

                Pain of failure.

                Pain of disappointment.

                Pain of sadness.

                Pain of loss.

                Pain.

                Honestly, I’d rather rail against the world, crying out, hoping for justice, change, or hope; instead I am a ball of flesh weeping on the floor.

                Most often I ignore the pain, and maybe that’s why I can’t heal anything about myself.

                And I hate that about myself.

                I guess those are reasons I’m not successful.

                I was trying to write about my last set of miserable moments but that didn’t happen.  I was trying to write about my mother being diagnosed with cancer, my client bailing on me for an art job, and my shitty day taking care of two classrooms instead of one. 

                That’s when Google lost my entry, and I shifted gears; and that was last week’s pain.       

                This week’s pain is much fuckin’ closer.

                Throbbing.

                Relentless.

                Sickening.

                And like everything else, compounded, like any loser would do making sure of a fucked-martyr’s death.  But a martyr dies for a cause; I have no cause, and I have no self.

                Here I end my pity-party, and hopefully I’ll find less suffering and get my smile back later.

                And write again.

                Maybe even something erotic, something charged, something soulful and escapist.

                Something …

                Bye for now.

************************

Fuck, I am GOING tomorrow morning, or I am gonna go crazy.

Bye dear readers.

********* ADDENDUM ************

Thank you for the support: I was given Tramadol, a reference and something else ... Amoxicillin.  I'll post some cell-phone photos and my thoughts on my other blog later on tonight if there's time.

Calming Down

I'll finish the previous blog tomorrow. Maybe my thoughts will be more sorted with coffee or some sleep.

Maybe ... but these songs did help a little.

Mediocre Dreams

MOTHERFUCKERR!!!

GODDAMNED BULLSHIT ASSHOLE MOTHER-FUCKERSS!!!


FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GODDAMNED YOUTUBE SIGN-IN LOST MY FUCKIN' BLOG THAT I SPENT 90 MINUTES ON TONIGHT!!

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's 1:15am and I need some sleep.  A perfectly good, emotionally-attached blog lost; gone to fuckin' Hell without a pause or a dripping into History as if it never were there at all.

Try again tomorrow evening.  Actually with the time, tonight.

Dammit!

Mediocre Dreams

It was a rough day today. I had two classes muddled into one room, giving two lessons, trying to lecture mine while making the other class work quietly. I didn't get a lunch break as 4th period one group goes at A Lunch meaning the beginning of the class period, and one went at the end.

And I couldn't arbitrarily combine or hold back one group or the other.

Today, fatigued with the class loads, the loud students, and (in the middle of my worst class) I got a text from my sister who told me my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and has stage-3 Lymphoma, and has a 50% chance of survival through chemo and drug treatments.

I got the news & couldn't stop to call my family because we were short-handed, and when the news (text) took the wind from my sails, the kids became bigger assholes and I just didn't have the heart to fuckin' argue or fight them.