Resetting Time

Countdown Clock by Zoodu.com

Sorry folks but the Surprise had to be delayed.

But you're still gonna see something happen.

Blessings,




Julian

Done with Love

http://mywifeashly.blogspot.com/

I was walking about the internet when I crossed paths with a gentleman who proceeded to tell me about his gorgeous, amazingly wicked wife. Now I don't mean wicked as in evil but a woman who's not afraid of her figure or the looks she draws from others around her.

So he asked, 'Could you write her a few stories' ... which I did.

Here's the first: Ashly's Adventures 01

And here's another: Ashly's Adventures 02

And now he's posting her images.

Some guys get ALL the luck.

Stop in at his blog & check out his gorgeous wife.

I think the author will appreciate some comments on her loveliness.

And count your blessings ... some hubby's don't share.

Blessings,



Julian

Tonight's Though

I'm a little scared - taking my state certification test tomorrow morning. $120 gamble on my future. Dreams haven't worked yet ... scared.

Counting down to my dreams ... maybe.




Julian

Redheads

Sheena Easton - What Comes Naturally




WHAT COMES NATURALLY - lyrics

LETS GET TOGETHER AND DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY

I'VE BEEN HOLDING BACK MY LOVE FOR SUCH A LONG TIME
NOBODY'S COME ALONG THAT I WOULD WANT TO CALL MINE
MY PHONE'S BEEN RINGING BUT MY HEART IT JUST WON'T ANSWER
I CAN'T PRETEND CAUSE IT'S LOVE I'M AFTER

I'VE BEEN LOOKIN'
I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR WHAT I SAW IN YOUR EYES
I SAW SOMETHING I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A LONG TIME
LETS GET TOGETHER
WE JUST ME BUT I KNOW THAT YOU'RE NO STRANGER
I CAN TELL THAT MY HEARTS IN DANGER

CHORUS
I'VE BEEN LOOKIN FOR YOU
YOU'VE BEEN LOOKIN FOR ME
LETS GET TOGETHER AND DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY
THERES A TIME TO BE WILD
THERE'S A TIME TO BE FREE
LETS GET TOGETHER AND DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY

I COULD PLAY HARD TO GET BUT WHAT GOOD WOULD THAT DO ME
YOU'D LOOK INTO MY EYES AND YOU WOULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME
THIS IS A POWERFUL FEELING THAT WERE FEELIN
I CAN'T DENY ITS MY HEART YOU'RE STEALIN

I'VE BEEN LOOKIN
I WANT TO TELL YOU NOW, I AM NOT AFRAID
I'LL LET THE WALLS COME DOWN, TONIGHT I'M FEELIN' BRAVE
BEEN LOOKIN FOR YOU
YOU'VE BEEN LOOKIN FOR ME, YOU'VE BEEN LOOKIN' FOR ME
BABY SET YOUR LOVE FREE, SET YOUR LOVE FREE
LETS GET TOGETHER AND DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY

REPEAT CHORUS


http://www.sheenaeaston.co.uk/lyricswhat.html

Very Bad People with Our Pics

Detective Shaved Longcock: Tell me this gay teacher is a very very very close personal friend of Ronnie Huberman... Huberman personally hired this fruitcake?

Yipes! More bad teachers ... watch out for them.

Blessings,



~ J ~

***

I was thinking about something I saw recently & I can only imagine what it would mean to my life if someone did this to me:





It's kinda scary because if you love someone you're gonna either be honest or vulnerable ... and THIS (above & below) could happen to you or me.




After THAT the ideas & photos get really scary.

Personally, and people may call me a fag/asshole/traitor to the males for NOT doing it but I can't betray the people I love.

Why? Because hopefully they won't do the same to me. They won't sell me out if I become famous for a few bucks or shit me down the river out of spite.

Some people can, easily ...

Others, well ... I do my best to keep my vanilla life & this life separate.

Good luck & stay safe.

Limit your circle of trust & watch for the shadows.

Blessings & Love,




Julian

Something to remember

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you REALLY are, while your reputation is merely what others THINK you are."

(John Wooden)

Hide in Plain Sight

AP Interview: Fugitive hid 40 years in plain sight

By MATT GOURAS, Associated Press Writer Matt Gouras, Associated Press Writer Tue Jun 15, 5:55 am ET

HELENA, Mont. – The aging Frank Dryman, a notorious killer from Montana's past, had hidden in plain sight for so long that he forgot he was a wanted man.

In an exclusive jailhouse interview with The Associated Press, Dryman detailed how he invented a whole new life, with a new family, an Arizona wedding chapel business — and even volunteer work for local civic clubs.

"They just forgot about me," said Dryman, in his first interview since being caught and sent back to the prison he last left in the 1960s. "I was a prominent member of the community."

That is, until the grandson of the man he shot six times in the back came looking.

Dryman had been one step ahead of the law since 1951 when he avoided the hangman's noose, a relic of frontier justice still in use at the time.

Less than 20 years later he was out on parole. Not content with that good fortune, he skipped out and evaded authorities for four decades. After a while he even forgot about hiding and signed up for V.A. benefits from his days in the Navy in 1948.

Now the 79-year-old Dryman is back behind bars, likely for what remains of his life.

He was caught only after his long-ago victim's grandson got curious and started poking around.

Dryman was hitching a ride from Shelby cafe owner Clarence Pellett on a cold and snowy day in 1951 when he pulled a gun and ordered Pellett out of his own car and began firing.

Dryman does not deny the crime — just that he's not the same man today. He has been Victor Houston for decades. At the time of the murder, and after being discharged from the Navy for mental issues, he was going by yet another name: Frank Valentine.

"That kid, Frank Valentine, he just exploded," Dryman says of his crime. "I didn't shoot that man in the back. That wild kid did. That's not me.

"Victor Houston tried to make up for it by being an honor citizen."

Dryman says he served his time, which he did until paroled. But a Montana Parole Board not accustomed to leniency on those who walk away from supervision was not impressed with Dryman's subsequent good deeds. Last month the board sent him back behind bars to serve what remains of his life sentence.

Dryman said he disappeared from parole in California to get away from a wife he didn't like. He said he's not sure why he just didn't leave the wife and remain on parole.

But once gone, he said, he didn't look back. His new wife and family knew nothing of his past. He put down roots in Arizona City painting signs, a trade learned in prison, and performing weddings.

"I never thought I was a parole violator. I was Victor Houston. I never looked over my shoulder," Dryman said. "I just forgot about it."

On his birthday he used to get two cards from his brother: one for Houston and one for Valentine.

"I thought it was cute. I had no fear," Dryman said.

He said the details of his past are just coming back: the shooting, his original sentence and the cause he became for opponents of the death penalty, and his first stint in prison.

"Only since I have been back here did I start to think about it," said Dryman. "To be honest, I didn't even remember the victim's name."

Dryman understands he is not likely to get out again now. And he is not kindly disposed to the victim's grandson, the Bellevue, Wash., oral surgeon who became intensely interested in a piece of family history he knew nothing about. Clem Pellett compiled reams of old documents and tracked down his grandfather's killer with the help of a private investigator.

"I can't blame him for what he did," Dryman said. "But I think it was so wrong he spent so much money getting me here. I feel it is unfair."

Many in the Pellett family do remember the murder. A dozen descendants showed up at the parole hearing when Dryman was rearrested to testify against his release, saying the killing had forever changed the history of the family.

They said as kids they lived in fear of hitchhikers — even in fear of Dryman. Some remembered Dryman's courtroom outburst at his first trial that resulted in conviction and a hanging sentence.

"He turned to the judge and said, 'I'm going to kill you,' he turned to the jury and said 'I am going to kill you' and he turned to the crowd and said some stuff like that," said Clem Pellett. "He was an angry young man who felt powerless."

Pellett only learned the details of the case last year after cleaning out boxes of old newspaper clippings. His own parents never talked about the murder. He had never even really known the Montana side of his family, where the pain of the killing still lingers.

Pellett, without even talking to those relatives, began a quest to learn more, compiling old records, court transcripts, ancient arrest records for Dryman's petty crimes prior to the shooting — all of which he used to track down his grandfather's killer.

Pellett said he was driven by an intense curiosity, and would now like to meet with Dryman to fill in holes in the story that he may chronicle in a book.

Dryman doesn't think he will agree to the meeting.

He also denounces the allegation that he made a courtroom death threat, which Clem Pellett said was confirmed through his research.

Dryman lives in a low security wing of the Montana State Prison, wears prison-issue clothing and due to failing eyesight walks with a cane to avoid tripping. Being interviewed in the same parole board room where was he returned to prison for life, Dryman said of Clem Pellett, "He's already got me here, he should be happy. I think they got their pound of flesh, and I accept it."

One of the original prosecutors in the case also never forgot about Dryman.

"It was a very notorious case, perhaps the biggest of the time," said John Luke McKeon, now 85.

McKeon, a very young assistant attorney general assigned to the case despite his own opposition to the death penalty, said the Montana Supreme Court threw out the hanging sentence amid some of the most intense arguments over the death penalty the state had seen.

McKeon wrote a letter to the parole board in late May asking for leniency, telling the board he thinks Dryman has paid for his crime. But it got there after the board made its decision.

The former prosecutor doesn't see any way out for Dryman this time.

"I don't think the governor's going to give him exoneration," he said. "I think he is going to die in prison."

How to sell your soul

When & why do we sell our souls? Do we need money? Freedom? And how do we sell our souls? Giving up our loves & dreams to enjoy monetary gains? Do we lose dreams for stability? Or do we accept solitude and distance to gain our inner light and deepest hope, the one we've struggled with since we knew such a thought existed?



Now, if there seems to be no upside to chasing your dreams, is there a short-cut?

Here's what some people think is possible.

I got a good laugh from reading all these links (below) this morning over my coffee.



The one thing I noticed was the Devil always seemed to be here looking/bartering for souls. But don't we also sell them to God for a marriage? What if that marriage falls apart? Do you get your soul back? What about virginity? Is there a rebirth/reconstruction for hymens & innocence?


Let's say you get a dream, and a common one is a high-paid athlete. You're in that contract for YEARS ... when you're dissatisfied what happens? Are there clauses for injuries? Do you need to repay parts of the contract? Or are you screwed?

Would you dream be celebrity? A controlled pornographic series of delights? Wealth? Knowledge? Fitness? Health? World Peace?

Why am I mentioning all this? It goes back to my countdown clock: I am bartering with the world for something they can probably get for free - Smut!

Am I worth what I am asking? Am I selling my soul for my dream? Maybe but there's only one way to find that value.

Ciao.



Julian
http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/8069/how-to-sell-your-soul-to-the-devil/

http://www.gor.net/things/challeng.html

http://www.ehow.com/how_4812871_write-football-contract.html

I want to break this record

[Talking to Vicky while she's hanging clothes back up on the racks at work]
Jessica: If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. OK, so if Kevin is saying it's been three girls it's more like one or none.
Vicky: None?
Jessica: The rule of three. It's an exact science. Consistent as gravity.

***
Stifler: When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you fuckers learn anything in college?

quotes from American Pie 2 @ Imdb.com

***

As I was going surfing on the internet, thinking about new ideas for my writing & doodling in my sketchbook (and NO that's not a euphemism for 'masturbation) I came across this article.

THIS is who I want to be when I grow up ... or out.

***

I’ve slept with 900 men – so what?

Victoria Betteridge, an Oxford graduate, is a woman who knows exactly what she wants. Sex – and lots of it. Be afraid, guys...

By Tiffany Wright, 25/10/2009

As Victoria Betteridge takes a final drag of her cigarette, she stretches in bed and rolls over to examine the man lying next to her. He's not really her type, but she doesn't care - the sex was worth it.

The sheets are twisted around him from their energetic session the night before and their clothes lie strewn over the carpet. Victoria climbs out of bed and prods him with her finger. It's time for him to leave. When he offers to take her number, she shrugs and tells him there's no need. Last night was no-strings sex. She doesn't want to see him again.

He's just another one-night stand to join the hundreds of others. Victoria, a 28-year-old Oxford graduate, confesses she's slept with 900 men in nine years... Yes, really.

"People presume I've been promiscuous from day one, but that couldn't be further from the truth," says Victoria defiantly.

In fact, the PA from Hertfordshire had a very sheltered upbringing. Her parents are devout Catholics. An only child, she was sent to a private girls' boarding school.

She grew up with lots of rules - one of them being that boys were banned.

"While all my friends were going to the cinema with boys or flirting at discos, I was playing Scrabble with my parents, riding my horse or going to church," she says.

"My father made it very clear when I turned 13 that boys were not to be a part of my life. He was worried my schoolwork would suffer. He'd sent me to a £7,000 a term all-girls school and wanted to make sure I spent my time studying rather than giggling over guys."

Victoria doesn't regret her actions

But Victoria says this just made her a figure of fun.

"The girls in my year all knew I'd never had a boyfriend or even kissed a guy, so they used to tease me all the time, calling me a lesbian or frigid. The fact I was a tomboy who loved sport and didn't bother with make-up or girlie clothes didn't help," she says.

"The bullying made me disappear into my shell and I became shy and timid."

When Victoria turned 18, she headed to Oxford University to study English. To say she came out of her shell would be something of an understatement.

"I went into halls and I felt such a sense of freedom," she says. "It was strange being surrounded by men all the time!"

Victoria was determined to break away from being the shy girl. So on her first night at university, she downed several shots of tequila with her fellow students before heading off to the Freshers' Ball.

Within hours, she'd had her first ever kiss with Tom, who lived in her halls. A week later, they were dating.

"I didn't feel like the geeky girl at school any more, and without my father watching me all the time, I knew I could finally do whatever I liked," she recalls.

Tom agreed to wait until Victoria was ready to have sex. Six months later, she lost her virginity to him, in her cramped single bed in halls.

"I know most girls say their first time isn't great, but I couldn't get over how incredible it felt!" she admits. "I'd never had anyone touch my bare flesh before - it was amazing. I just wanted to do it over and over again."

So often, in fact, that Tom just couldn't keep up with her.

"If we didn't have sex at least three times a day, I felt moody and irritable," Victoria recalls. "But Tom didn't want to spend all day in bed. He wanted to meet his mates or study for his course. In the end, we broke up by mutual agreement - I think Tom wanted a relationship that was more than just sex."

It didn't take Victoria long to get over her heartbreak. Just a week after splitting up with Tom, she met a guy - whose name she can't remember - in a local bar and took him back to her room for a night of passion.

"I didn't care who he was or what he did," she says. "All I was thinking about was having sex and feeling good."

It was the start of a pattern that would repeat itself over the years.

"I'd go to student bars and clubs, dance provocatively in front of a man I fancied, then ask him to buy me a drink - it was that easy," Victoria shrugs.

"Most of the blokes thought I was a 'cool bird' and liked the fact I took control and only wanted sex. I regularly slept with at least two guys a week - sometimes more. But I didn't feel slutty. I was making up for lost time! Men do it all the time, so why shouldn't women?" she adds defiantly.

Victoria would pick up men at parties...

Moving into a flat with five girls in her second year did nothing to calm her down.

"We'd recommend men to each other," she giggles. "We'd tell each other whether they were good in bed or not. None of us ever got possessive over one boy - we just made sure we all had fun and enjoyed ourselves.

"Our flat was known as the 'fun flat'. There were always half-naked blokes wandering around, and most of us didn't even know their names!"

Unsurprisingly, some men couldn't handle Victoria's non-committal attitude.

"This one guy called Stewart* used to hide outside the house to see if I was dating anyone else," she laughs. "It became a running joke. If we heard a noise outside, we'd say: 'That's just crazy Stewie with his binoculars.'"

In her final year, Victoria's sexual encounters went up a notch when she was introduced to swinging by a friend.

"We all went to London for the weekend and visited an elite swingers club," she says. "It was amazing. Everyone was up for having sex with everyone else. The fact that we all knew that's what we were there for made it feel both hedonistic and exciting. That night, I had two threesomes and even tried group sex. I can't tell you how many people I had sex with in total, but it was the most thrilling, satisfying, fulfilling thing I've ever done."

After graduating from Oxford with a 2:2 and an insatiable appetite for sex, Victoria took a job as a PA and moved to London.

Once there, she continued to pick up men several times a week in clubs such as Boujis and Chinawhite.

...and take them home for sex.

"I don't have a particular type, but I do tend to end up with cocky, arrogant bankers in their 20s," says Victoria, who admits she's a sex addict and says the longest she's gone without sex is three weeks.

"I love to see their faces when I kick them out of bed in the morning. I try to make sure they're single, but if they lie, that's their lookout!"

Unfortunately, Victoria's relaxed attitude to sex has caused a rift with her parents.

"They heard on the rumour mill that I was sleeping around and my dad confronted me about it. He was disgusted.

I told him it was none of his business and he hasn't spoken to me since," she explains.

Victoria says she knows other people will also judge her, but she doesn't care.

She shrugs off suggestions that she might be putting herself in danger, saying she always uses protection, is regularly tested for STIs, and never goes to an empty flat with a stranger.

"Sex is a very normal thing for people to do! Some go out for dinner, some play sport - I have sex," says Victoria.

"I'm not hurting anyone. Lots of women are so worried about what other people will think if they have lots of partners, but I say everyone is entitled to live their life the way they want. If that means sleeping with lots of men for enjoyment, what's wrong with that?"

However, Victoria admits that in the last three months, she's started to curb her behaviour, and has even joined a gym in a bid to dampen her voracious sexual appetite.

"I've been on a few dates with one guy. There's something different about him - he played hard to get and was a real challenge," she admits. "He's also a match for me in the bedroom - and out of it. I don't know what will happen with him, but it has made me realise that I do want marriage and babies in the future."

And after nine years as a sexual predator, Victoria has begun to evaluate her behaviour.

"I think that, because my childhood was so strict, I've been making up for lost time," she says.

"I don't intend to live my whole life like this, but I don't regret my past. I've had fun. For now, I'm dating just the one guy, but so far, so casual. We'll see what happens.

"I just need to find someone with as big a sexual appetite as me to keep me satisfied."

PHOTOGRAPHY: AMIT LENNON HAIR & MAKE-UP: SHERRIE WARWICK STYLING: LUCIE CLIFFORD MODELS FROM RAGE MODELS VICTORIA WEARS (TOP): TOP, LIMITED EDITION AT NEW LOOK; JEANS, OASIS; CUFF, FREEDOM AT TOPSHOP; SHOES, DUNE VICTORIA WEARS (SECOND FROM TOP): DRESS, MONSOON *NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED.

A new song - Rude Boy

Rihanna - Rude Boy Lyrics


Come on rude boy, boy
Can you get it up
Come here rude boy, boy
Is you big enough
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Come here rude boy, boy
Can you get it up
Come here rude boy, boy
Is you big enough
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Tonight
I'mma let you be the captain
Tonight
I'mma let you do your thing, yeah
Tonight
I'mma let you be a rider
Giddy up
Giddy up
Giddy up, babe

Tonight
I'mma let it be fire
Tonight
I'mma let you take me higher
Tonight
Baby we can get it on, yeah
we can get it on, yeah

Do you like it boy
I wa-wa-want
What you wa-wa-want
Give it to me baby
Like boom, boom, boom
What I wa-wa-want
Is what you wa-wa-want
Na, na-aaaah

Come here rude boy, boy
Can you get it up
Come here rude boy, boy
You should Is you big enough
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Come here rude boy, boy
Can you get it up
Come here rude boy, boy
Is you big enough
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Tonight
I'mma give it to you harder
Tonight
I'mma turn your body out
Relax
Let me do it how I wanna
If you got it
I need it
And I'mma put it down

Buckle up
I'mma give it to you stronger
Hands up
We can go a little longer
Tonight
I'mma get a little crazy
Get a little crazy, baby

Do you like it boy
I wa-wa-want
What you wa-wa-want
Give it to me baby
Like boom, boom, boom
What I wa-wa-want
Is what you wa-wa-want
Na, na-aaaah

Come here rude boy, boy
Can you get it up
Come here rude boy, boy
Is you big enough
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Come here rude boy, boy
Can you get it up
Come here rude boy, boy
Is you big enough
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me


I like the way you touch me there
I like the way you pull my hair
Babe, if I don't feel it I ain't faking
No, no

I like when you tell me kiss it there
I like when you tell me move it there

So giddy up
Time to giddy up
You say you're a rude boy
Show me what you got now

Come here right now

Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Come on rude boy, boy
Can you get it up
Come here rude boy, boy
Is you big enough
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Come here rude boy, boy
Can you get it up
Come here rude boy, boy
Is you big enough
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Love me
Love me
Love me
Love me
Love me
Love me

Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me

Love me
Love me
Love me
Love me
Love me
Love me
yeh yeh yeh ,

Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me


http://www.elyricsworld.com/rude_boy_lyrics_rihanna.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rude_Boy_%28song%29

Rude Boy lyrics found at elyricsworld.com

2 blogs for the price of 1

A Year Ago

I was just remembering being on a cross-country flight, rushing back to Texas, thinking of the amazing woman I’d left behind. I was wishing I could have brought her home with me, had more time with her, and left her with more than the memories of a disappointing fat man who couldn’t allow himself to enjoy their time together.

I miss her.

Those blue eyes.

I remember asking people as we passed them, “Excuse me but you could you take a picture? I’d like one with my wife.”

My wife. My weekend wife. It all seems surreal now.

Choosing instead of being chosen.

Wanting instead of having settled.

A dream come true versus a dream deferred.

She offered me anything and all I could hope for, and I wish I still had that voice, that smile, that person to have coffee with in the mornings.

I’ll never find anyone like her again. I do miss her so very much.

One day I’ll have my dream.

Maybe I’ll be lucky and she’ll be there as part of it.

Maybe all I have are the pictures of her we took together.

All I know is that at least once I stepped into the Garden of Eden, and Eve was beside me.

Ciao.





Julian

p.s. “Recently I dreamt about her. I don’t recall the situation but I do remember whispering her name, which startled me awake. I closed my eyes trying to will her back to my side, to be able to roll over and find her sleeping on her side, snoring softly, her creamy skin within inches from my touch. Instead I found an empty space, like the one in my heart."

THEN I WROTE THIS ...

Happy Anniversary

It’s gonna be a year since I saw her. Seeing her, touching her, tasting her … it was worth all the madness and chaos that I endured.

I miss her.

I miss her a lot more than I could have ever imagined. She gave me anything and everything my heart could desire; every fantasy I’d ever had she brought to life and she bent herself to my every thought and fantasy.

Sadly, I was too tense to enjoy myself. I should have been attacking her, and instead I was impotent. I was a disappointment and I a disaster to myself and my own energies. I wish I lived closer to her so I could have tried again.

Instead, she lost her respect for me, and I couldn’t even release my own inhibitions. She drew away from me and I lost the woman I ached for more than any other in my life to date. She made me smile, feel incredible about myself, and showed me that I don’t have to settle for anything mediocre or stale. I should rethink all those things she did for me, because I’ve been letting my gifts go to waste.

I’ve been teaching, and cooking, and then watching television for hours. Or I’m surfing the web for smut on 4Chan looking for anything naked and sexy, or gross or instructional, not thinking about what I’m collecting or what it’s gonna do for or with me. It could warp, bore, or just make me more of a vegetable than I already am at times.

I should be writing daily, exercising daily, eating better. Instead, I’ve given in to convenience and simplicity. I’ve had little to no contact with the outside world. I’ve become a hermit and I’m crushed in my soul and heart.

So what must I do? Complaining is getting old, and she’s not coming back. All I can do is plan for my eventual move from Texas. Life here is staid and dull. This isn’t going to be the life for me and if I don’t reach for my dreams then what am I trying to impart in the children of this next generation.

I wish I could cross the border for her, but she told me not to, and I won’t break her heart or bore her again. She was always too good for me, and I was too hesitant.

God, I gotta admit, I loved saying the phrase, “Excuse me but could you take a picture of us? I want a nice picture with my wife.”

Sometimes … you only get one chance: don’t fuck it up.

Claim that moment. Make it yours’ alone.

I don’t know what she looks like now. She could have gained 30+ lbs. or lost more weight and a few cup sizes. I know she slept/fucked another man after me and had a few wandering liaisons on a cam … maybe they lead to something and maybe they didn’t.

None of that matters.

I wanted her to bear my children, to swim and play piano and guitar, to keep singing and to cut flowers and ache to find all the variety in life we could indulge in. I wanted to know that one day I could look at a woman and see in her eyes that if I were to die, and those eyes were the last vision I’d have, there would be no regrets.

All I know is that I miss her. I don’t honestly know if she misses me … or if I bored and disappointed her so much that she needs to be as far away as possible until I am either balanced or strong enough to care for both of us.

She told me, “In the next two years I’m gonna come to a decision: either have a baby with the man I’m with now or leave him once and for all.”

One years’ gone by; let’s see what the next one holds for both of us.

She’s had chaos in her life, and I’ve posted some things that are non-directly supportive of her life. Nothing too direct, but something to let her know she’s still in my mind and heart.

She always will be.

Missing Those Blue Eyes

Someone I miss dearly, for all she gave me.

Maybe one day ...

(And in case you're wondering I only made the slide show but the video really touched my thoughts.