I tried meeting someone, ANYONE to make the pain go away; to make the fear of being without the One I wanted in my life. It took long enough to have her, to meet her, to love her and to plan for a future with her, the woman I miss, the one I've been writing about for the last few weeks.
And then I tried a site which gave me a picture of something idiotic:
It was a fuckin' SCAM letter. Just like the ones in your e-mail promising you $22 million dollars from Sadaam Hussein or something like that, a "Three Kings" scenario with a stranger to deposit the money after giving out their information about banking & the like.
I'm trying to write as often as possible. I am looking for new friends, noew cyber sex or new chatters. Sadly, NOT ONE GODDAMNED person has been worth all the worry, all the joy, all the cost, all the suffering She was to my life.
I thought I found a kindred spirit: I was wrong. Actually, I take that back. SHE was wrong; but at least she found someone who she could practice hurting.
I take that back. She could have kept lying & instead worked hard to be honest. I guess 'infatuation' is a rough & deep river, and you can't always swim or paddle. Sometimes you drown. I thought she was drowning with me. Instead she swam away.
I'm trying not to weep. I am cooking, drawing, cleaning, anything to keep me from looking for her when I know she's on-line. I don't mind leaving her notes when she's off-line: she can discard or ignore them easily. Like in high school, the fat geeky kid passes a note to the cute cheerleader who looks at it & discards it before she leaves the room in the teachers' waste bin.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Julian
****
Elton John "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word"
What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that youre not there
What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when its all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word
Its sad, so sad
Its a sad, sad situation
And its getting more and more absurd
Its sad, so sad
Why cant we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word
*******
THE MANHATTANS lyrics - Kiss And Say Goodbye
[Spoken:]
This has got to be the saddest day of my life
I called you here today for a bit of bad news
I won't be able to see you anymore
Because of my obligations, and the ties that you have
We've been meeting here everyday
And since this is our last day together
I wanna hold you just one more time
When you turn and walk away, don't look back
I wanna remember you just like this
Let's just kiss and say goodbye
I had to meet you here today
There's just so many things to say
Please don't stop me 'til I'm through
This is something I hate to do
We've been meeting here so long
I guess what we done, oh was wrong
Please darlin', don't you cry
Let's just kiss and say goodbye
Many months have passed us by
(I'm gonna miss you)
I'm gonna miss you, I can't lie
(I'm gonna miss you)
I've got ties, and so do you
I just think this is the thing to do
It's gonna hurt me, I can't lie
Maybe you'll meet, you'll meet another guy
Understand me, won't you try, try, try, try, try, try, try
Let's just kiss and say goodbye (Goodbye)
(I'm gonna miss you)
I'm gonna miss you, I can't lie
(I'm gonna miss you)
Understand me, won't you try
(I'm gonna miss you)
It's gonna hurt me, I can't lie
(I'm gonna miss you)
Take my hankerchief, wipe your eyes
(I'm gonna miss you)
Maybe you'll find, you'll find another guy
(I'm gonna miss you)
Let's kiss and say goodbye, pretty baby
(I'm gonna miss you)
Please, don't you cry
(I'm gonna miss you)
Understand me, won't you try
(I'm gonna miss you)
Let's just kiss
And say goodbye
2 comments:
you know... friends can be worth your time if you let them...............
You're right & I should have made more time with my friends so I have a LOT of making up to do.
Thanks sweetness.
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