Irresistible Temptation - Guy Stuff
Three friends are out enjoying a night on the town, and the suggestion that they visit the local whorehouse meets with enthusiasm all around - especially when the madam tells them there's a special offer that evening. For $100, $150, or $200, the customer will receive a sexual treat beyond his wildest dreams.
The first guy forks out $100, is shown to the first door on the right and soon his friends hear cries of ecstasy coming from within. He emerges sometime later sweaty, out of breath and grinning from ear to ear.
"She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen," he said panting. "After extensive foreplay she put two pineapple rings around my penis and ate them!"
The second guy couldn't fork over his $150 fast enough. He was shown to a room and soon wild cries of bliss were heard. Eventually he returned with the same grin and the same story, except that he had gotten whipped cream along with the two pineapple rings.
The third guy needs little persuading to part with his $200 and is shown to an upstairs room. Soon cries of ecstasy can be heard, but his friends are puzzled when they're interrupted by a scream of agony. When he returns, they can't wait to hear what happened.
"Yes," he explains wearily, "she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and after extensive foreplay she covered my prick with two pineapple rings, whipped cream, chopped nuts and topped it off with a maraschino cherry."
"So then what happened?" ask his friends eagerly.
"Well," he replies, "it looked so good, I took a bite myself."
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Outside World Is Better - Girl Thing
The Mother Superior of the orphanage called three girls, who were leaving, to her office.
"Now," she commenced, "you are all going out in the big, sinful world, and I must warn you against certain men. There are men who will buy you drinks, take you to a room, undress you, and do unspeakable things to you. Then they give two or three pounds, and you are sent away ruined.
"Excuse me, Reverend Mother," said the boldest girl. "Did you say these wicked men will give us three pounds?"
"Yes, dear child," said the Mother Superior. "Why do you ask?"
"Well," the girl said," the priests only give us apples."
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First Class Passenger - Blonde Jokes
A plane is on its way to
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
The flight attendant then goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is a blonde sitting in first class where she should be sitting in economy class. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy class, she would have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, I speak blonde." He goes back to the blonde and whispered something in her ear and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry." And she gets up and goes back to her seat in the economy. The flight attendant and co-pilot were amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her", the pilot replied, "That first class isn't going to
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Agony Of Life - Fucking Stone Cold
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.
He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."
"I am not dancing," the armless man replied bitterly. "My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it..."
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When Things Do Not Matter - Lessons In Life
A man who was summoned to an IRS audit asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you're a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite "Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested a resolution of the dilemma.
"Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi.
"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. Her mother advised, 'Wear a long, heavy flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.'
But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. The friend said, 'Wear your sexiest negligee, with a V-neck right down to your navel.'"
Confused, the man protested, "But what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
The rabbi replied, "Your situation is the same. It doesn't matter what you wear. You're going to get screwed."
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Proof That The World Is Nuts - Trivia
In
In
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
The penalty for masturbation in
There are men in
Reason: under
In
Topless saleswomen are legal in
in tropical fish stores.
In
In
In
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when
intoxicated.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfish don't have brains.
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
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