Come What May

"Jealousy will drive you mad." ~ said aloud before the "Roxanne' tango in Moulin Rouge.




Lyrics | Ewan McGregor / Nicole Kidman - Come What May lyrics

http://www.stlyrics.com/m/moulinrouge.htm - The whole Moulin Rogue soundtrack

"I don't know what will happen in my life as I am getting closer to 42 in a few days; I don't want to be a teacher and I don't want to live in Texas."

This has never been the life I sought or dreamt of - I have to make a decision soon.

I am sad and I am wondering why I am staying here so often, and why I am crying into the Heineken on my desk. I miss someone terribly, and need her in my life. I doubt I am just affected or infatuated, but I need her for me ... with me ... as a part of me again.

I've been waiting for 'the thunderbolt' to strike me again since 1995. And it's hit me. It's hit me harder than I could have ever imagined. It's not just lust, but something deep inside me and I can't fight it in any way. I need it more than I could have ever imagined in my heart & soul, and she's inflamed me with something like joy and desire.

I have to choose soon. I've never been mutually chosen. I was picked or settled on, and that can't be my life any longer, my friends.

~lol!~

I write this with no real posters or readers and I spill my desires and fears, and the ONLY time someone read it they ran screaming into the night after a moment of cybersex, as if THIS were all there were to me.

I want someone to want me as much as I want them - that's my pain.

That's 'the Thunderbolt'.



That's what I wanted for so long, and it's never happened. I'm weeping now, wishing I could find some way to make my dreams come true. As I grow older I fear they won't and I'll die mediocre. A nothing with all my dreams fading & crumbling like the papers of my old journals.

I have no fuckin' clue what's gonna happen next.

[last lines]
Christian: [voiceover and typing] Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. And then, one not-so-very special day, I went to my typewriter, I sat down, and I wrote our story. A story about a time, a story about a place, a story about the people. But above all things, a story about love. A love that will live forever. The End.

Christian: [voiceover, singing] The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

I have to write my stories ... if not I've wasted my life.

I have to chase my dreams, or I'll die of a broken heart.

Always,



Julian

"Come what may ... I will always love you, until my dying day" - Satine; said at the end of the Roxanne lyrics.