The Cosmic Joke

I was recently told the following phrase:

"Julian you are truly a very nice articulate man...I read your blog....I understand...hope you get what you are looking for....

Good Luck "

It crushed my heart since that same person rejected me for a moment of temporary passion and madness, and feeling as I do makes me weep in my beer.

Now I am not trying to be a dick about that person's preferences: in all fairness she was honest about me not being what she was looking for but able to let me down easily.

Girls like the bad guy - when I'm him they run!

When I'm the good guy they overlook me or act as if they're the ones losing out.

BULLSHIT! I can call a spade a spade! I know when I am being disregarded and ignored, abused and deliberately hurt.

And it's happening now.

I don't want to be rejected or to be called an idiot for my preferences, or to be told I can't have something simply because its' not in that persons' nature.

Goddammit I wanted to marry a stripper - instead I'm seeing a librarian.

I am SO fucked.

I wanted to trade my old life here in Texas for a new one in California. I almost did.

And to think my passport is finally on its' fucking way!

Maybe ... maybe next time.

Adios.

Julian