100% of Misery

What Makes Life 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. But, how about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If ...
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far .........

A S S K I S S I N G

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

- will take you.

***********

A friend of mine gave me the table above, and someone else asked me about my 'grades' from this summer. In case you didn't know I was taking Biology 101 for 4 hours a day, a lab & lecture one behind the other. As I went through the class I saw that I was one of the fuckin' few that didn't cheat in the goddamned class.

I know that I have done more than I can imagine in getting my grades and I worked hard for this fucking class! I hated the dull, nonsensical teacher, but i took the class. I failed and I don't know by how much so I just wasted $300+ dollars that I could have saved for my phone bill to AT&T to pay for all the phone sex calls with my friends & lovers.

I could have been drawing, having more calls, and enjoying myself a great deal, but instead I wriggled and writhed in this ridiculous class. I am going to have an audit and make sure whether I need or don't need this fucking class for graduation.

I NEED to graduate. I NEED to leave school and I need to have the money necessary to work through life. I'm not 20 any longer, and I can't wait.

I have just heard from the West Telemarketing people; my training starts next week and I need a class for the Fall to keep recieving my awards moving through life until there's a career to rid me of my debts. If dreams were part of it I'd be happy. Instead it's just the sour desperation of reality - I need a job and more money than I am making now.

Okay, I'm gonna Irish my coffee (Please don't be offended my redheaded, freckled readers & lusters!) ... a little whiskey to make me smile, while I bake a potato to sink myself in comfort food.

At least the flavor is richer than my wallet.

Ciao.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYvmiN1BviA - I Get Weak/Belinda Carlisle