Some days I wonder what's gonna happen when all my observations are done. I'm going into student teaching next semester, and i would rather be hired and MAKE money, putting up with the crap instead of putting up with it for fucking FREE!!
Another fucking student is getting a job - he's younger than me and a tub of fucking shit! He's a reckless, disregarding asshole. I dislike the guy for personal reasons, and I don't think he'd make a good teacher but my opinion doesn't matter since I'm not hiring him.
Teaching is difficult enough with the standardized testing to deal with, meaning if you're a public school, you can lose state and federal funding for low scores. After all, you're in a poverty center, the children come from broken homes, and gang life & teenage pregnancies run rampant. That means you as the teacher HAVE to change them, and yet, you're not allowed to change them morally. You canNOT have undue influence and yet you're expected to bring children to a Juedo-Christian standard as slated by the man church-influenced rules and such intergrated in the laws of the land.
Corporal punishment can be writing lines - parents can sue the school for no reason even for the chance for their child to say the word "Fuck aloud" among other people.
Children lash out again & again, vulgar, grotesque, vile, obscene, and modelled after their disgusting parents. That's maybe why I keep wondering if I'll still be a teacher in five years. As I work on improving myself I work on writing projects, and working quietly on new art. When I am done with this semester, I'll need to take my standards testing for professional development. When I finish my student-teaching I'll be allowed to try for my certification program and make my career as a teacher. If this fails for me, or I find myself fathering children from the varsity cheerleading squad, well, then maybe I should have never been here! 
I won't say I'm off-my-rocker but I'm not normal. Never have been - never will be.
I'll just have to keep trying. One day my dreams will come true.
Adios ...
Julian
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