Lost Dog - Lost Person (and update/epilogue at bottom)

A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people 

can be persuaded to go for a walk.  

~ O.A. Battista

Above quote found here

My dog hopped the fence this evening when I came home after work.  My family chides me about him always hopping the damned chain-link fence, and his wanderlust.  I'm angry at myself, having been too weak to help tie him out to his tree so he could be safe, or walking him down the road with my other dogs, knowing where he was at all times.

 

I hate that I've been under the scrutiny of the local thugs/gangs, hearing the blasting of raucous music, wishing my German Shepard mutt were home at my feet with my Lab mutt, both gnawing on rawhide chips, watching television with me.

Many people run away or ignore me in my life, and I (in turn) do the same to others.  I think I am a rude, conceited, hurtful person, and maybe that's why I can't have the ones I love the most in my life.  Distance, time, and personal failure and melancholy all anchor me to Texas, and keep me feeling mediocre.

 

Recently, I was at a school with another writer I know, visiting a mutual friend of ours.  When he saw all the kids being receptive to me, he said, "Dude, maybe this is your calling: to be a teacher."

That kinda hurt.

If I wanted that I wouldn't write erotica, or sketch, or take pictures, or voice myself aloud.

I lost my dog today.

I've lost more of me than I can imagine, and it all leave me standing there looking foolish, being hopeful, watching, walking and searching for someone that maybe doesn't want me. 

Just like humans.

Just like lovers.

Just like dreams.

It's 930pm Texas time.

I'll be up in my small living room with my blonde Lab mutt, the one who's been loyal to me, and loves me. 

I just wish I had that other love too.

Maybe this is all I deserve.

I know I wanted to put a collar on someone, and a ring on them.  But that will never happen.

People avoid me for such reasons.  Maybe I have to accept these reasons, or the voice of the universe and stop trying.

Again, too many maybe's.

Adios for now.

******

Epilogue: He's home.  My Shepard mutt is home; he just hopped the fence.  Since I live at the outskirts of the city when he hops a fence he could be in another county in a day.  If he ran in another direction he could be one of the many dead strays I see on the major highways around town.  I am gonna have to try watching him, keeping him close, and (sadly) tying him out for a while just to keep him safe.  Granted that means more walks as a family, but that could be beneficial.  I guess all I can do is to keep trying ... "

"Thanks for listening."

******

p.s. "The above image isn't my dog but one similar.  I can't seem to find his pics on my files, so they could be on a flash drive or my spare drive.  And that's not my subdivision but you can imagine the kind of walking I was doing tonight."