Drowning

Drowning

“Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter
how fast light travels, it finds the darkness
has always got there first, and is waiting for it.”

Terry Pratchett (English Writer, b.1948)

I’ve been set free, but I feel like I’m drowning, and I wish I could feel the hand pulling me up. Now it’s up to me: sink or swim, fly with or without wings.

It’s been almost a year since we chatted. I miss Her greatly … and she’s told me there’s someone else in Her life. Her old one is done for; her new one will begin immediately afterwards. And I can’t do anything more than surrender and try enjoying my life, having adventures, and being honest with myself.

She was honest. I appreciate that, and She’s always been a supporter in my corner, even for a brief second whispering in my ear, ‘Keep trying, don’t give up’, which helps.

Few read this blog, and fewer respond to my rants, my cries, my stories … anything posted seems almost like vanity. It breaks my heart and I can’t feel myself being able to succeed, until I see a tiny whisper from Her mind.

I life too far, and I have nothing I can give her.

I loved holding her hand … her keeping pace with me.

For once in my life I didn’t have to slow down. I had hoped the journey would continue.
All I would do is make her have more questions, like the ones I have … I had hoped we’d follow a journey together. Instead I am going alone.

Maybe drowning will help. Like a baptism, I can arise from the pool of my personal despair a new person.

At least I was lucky enough to have her once in my life.

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about
to drop
off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing
one of two things will happen: There will be
something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”

Patrick Overton

There was much in life I could see her doing with me as part of my life, both good and bad. Now she’ll do them with another man … and all I can do is dream about her as I drown a little deeper.