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Crying and Candles

"Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind; the thief doth fear each bush an officer."

                                                                         ~ 3 King Henry VI, Act 5/Scene 6

I haven't been valiant, brave or a good man.  I lay waste to the talent I am given and tonight, I am sad.  I am hoping prayer works and the smallest of God's creatures recovers, as I am sneaking it milk, cheese and some sandwich meat in hopes it's just a little dehydrated and ill, nothing too serious. 

I've been here before, and I don't like it.

I don't think, however, that my neighbors have taken the best care possible, of their new puppy.  Heart-worm drugs for my dog cost a bundle, and vaccinations aren't cheap.  They said they got it off craigslist but they don't remember much but that the dog cost $100 and the guy assured them it had been given all its' puppy shots and vaccinations.

To them it's an animal.  Maybe that's all it should be to me.  But I see it as wounded, needing love and care, and I can't give it to that poor little puppy. It's a sweet dog, always running up to bark at me and to give kisses to my dogs through the fence.  Now that I see it as sick I can't let my dogs get near it so we're in a crowded house scenario.

I spoke to the neighbors directly, but they're more gang thug than pup walkers.  I see the doggie under the tree, sleeping/resting, maybe just trying to stay alive.  I can't do anything for it as it's not my dog.  And I can't complain to the damned authorities because they're goddamned eunuchs like me: ball less servants to the almighty dollar and the finish of the day.  I wish I could just buy the dog, save it and give it to a good home, but that's not the case.  I'm afraid I'll awake and find it dead under it's tree or in the middle of the yard.

"The law?  The law is a human institution."

                               Sheriff Cooley/O Brother Where Art Thou? (2000)

I keep hoping San Antonio will have a No-Kill Shelter, but they were trying for it by 2011 when I wrote my first account in September 2009.  It's 2012 and the prospect has been basically abandoned; on Sunday along side of the road you can find people and selling dogs like mad, claiming they're AKC but I doubt the usual criteria for sales is visible tattoos, flip-flops and primer-coated cars as marketability for $200 + dogs.

(That sounds bad & I apologize deeply, but there's no regulation.  I've tried calling the cops & animal services but they don't operate complaints on the weekends when the flea market is open & noone is selling roadside M-F 8am to 5pm.  Cash businesses don't need bankers hours.)

Maybe we need legislature like Louisiana has regarding roadside sales.

Maybe I need to be braver than I am, or maybe I need to stick and KEEP my head in the sand.

Maybe ... but no answers.

Bed time.

Sleep will bring peace, and hopefully an answered prayer.

Good night dear friends, readers and the world in general.

'Til next time.

Just a Sub

Today I got kicked in the balls.  I went to an 80+ year old wombat asking for grades for a few students new to the class I was watching & teaching for the 4 week stint I was doing.  When she asked why, I told her I was going to insert grades for the teacher.

She looked at me puzzled, and thus our conversation began: "But why Mr. G?"

I replied, "I'm in the room long-term.  Currently I'm the teacher of record."

The wombat said, "No.  You're not.  You're only a substitute.  You shouldn't ever have access to GradeBook."

I was taken slightly aghast, thinking of all the jobs I've done in the last few years since I received my degree for the field of education.  I KNOW how to use the systems, passwords, input grades, and teach and create lessons.

She looked at me as if I fell off the back of the goddamned work truck with a garden-hose and shitkicker boots ready to tend the cows and mow lawns, instead of teaching to the mind and intellect.  I felt low, like maybe I didn't belong there.

So I smiled, not wanting to argue or to put the teacher in a spot of trouble, and said, "I'm sorry.  I'll just make sure she gets her grades on a spreadsheet so she can input them herself."

Suddenly she didn't look like someone's genteel granny, but an acient, evil shark, smiling as she took me down a peg, telling me, "The only teacher of record is Mrs. X~, who's a certified teacher, and you're only a sub."

I smiled again, saying, "Thank you" and promised to get all this to the teacher immediately.  Then I left, not saying another thing about my job, my place, or even thinking anything but 'I am not paid enough for this bullshit.'

I am not paid enough for this bullshit.  I get a measly $75 bucks a day, no health and I am living hand-to-mouth, hoping and trying for the future of my dreams.  From now on I should be 'just a substitute', never checking on the In-school suspension teacher, helping with crowd control, working with kids to keep standards high, or even teaching.  For this kind of money teachers should have the work ready, not a vague concept of what they want me to teach.  I teach using PowerPoint, internet lessons, art, music and open discussions and conversations.  I can take grades, keep secrets, and stop a fight.

So why should I?  Honestly, I made a little less as a bar bouncer, and could probably get a few blowjobs of appreciation from young strippers.  Maybe a bonus menage-a-trios for Christmas, more-so than nagging and niggling and idiocy.

I AM unhappy teaching right now, simply because I don't have a certification, and I keep failing my test by 2 point.  If I want to have my test rescored by hand, then TEA will do it for $150 (whereas the test cost $175) thus I am putting in an application with the local Catholic church, where hopefully my lack of certification will not hinder me from getting a job that will pay the bills and keep me a little happier.

But no girls school, too much wicked imagination swimming with pervy ideas to work there.  ~lmao!~

Don't go to the link of you're squeamish of wickedness.  ~wink, wink!~

And no, I shan't be advertising this side of my brain to anyone.   But we'll see what happens next.

Just a sub?  Fuck no.

More than some people can imagine ... hell yeah!

Jesus was NOT a homphobe

It's 8:31 a.m. Easter Sunday and right now all over the country (and possibly the world) there are children celebrating the arrival of chocolate bunnies, candies and colored eggs and accepting small yellow chicks as presents to celebrate the day.  

But honestly, what are we, or should we be, celebrating?  In accordance to the Christian ideology we're celebrating the day Christ the Lord came from his tomb, conquering death, and showing those who believe there is life after death.  Not resurrection in a corporeal form, but in a truly spiritual sense.  It's supposed to mean we're able to receive a reward for our love and service to God in heaven, given by the Son, to those who choose to be good, to follow the rules and care for their fellow man and serve others as Christ served us humbly.

That being said, I don't think Jesus would have freaked out seeing the following t-shirt, which was recently banned at an Ohio high-school by an openly-gay Junior student.  The student had to be told to wear his shirt inside-out, and that's usually the idea when a t-shirt is openly vulgar but there are some things you can allow to slide a little bit.

Eventually, he had to sue for his right to expression.  It wasn't for shock-value or to be a trouble maker, but he was making a statement about his individuality and hoping people would accept him without question, like Jesus would have or like Christians profess to love everyone.  I would have thought this would have gone right by considering the kids listen to LMFAO and wear "Sexy and I Know It" t-shirts plastered to their bodies.

I don't want to know my 13 year old is sexy and she knows it.  That's none of my business.  I don't think it's my concern to tell someone they're wrong for being a homosexual.  I don't care.  That's their lives, not mine.  I don't tell anyone beyond this blog or a few other connecting sites, that I am known as Master, Daddy or lover ... that's my business.  His message isn't even professing to be openly homosexual ... it's just showing us a loving Christ who accepts the sinner/sin/person at face value.

 Matthew 21:31
“Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “The first,” they answered. Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.

The boy has to come to terms with what Christ ask us, his message of love, and care, and be Christian as well as loving.

I hope for the best in his future.  If we're so damned intolerant I pray for ours' as a society.

Venting Sadness

It may be raining in San Antonio soon, dear friends.  And this is the worst job I've had as a substitute teacher this year.  Right now I wish I could call in sick but there's no substitute for a substitute teacher, as Peggy Hill would say about her importance to teaching.

The kids just had STAAR testing, which is the new mandatory state testing pattern they're falling into for their future of conformity and dullness.  I have to work hard to keep them focused, and they don't care.  They have the most ghoulish reasons and desires for NOT working.

It's madness and makes me sad.  Many other teachers I know just do they job to have summers off and find the level of accountability that exist with the system.  I think it's lunacy and I hate it.  I don't love teaching, and haven't loved it for a long time.

 

In the morning I will have to deal with the dorks again & again.  I hate this shit.  I'm sad and I don't make enough to tolerate.  Maybe I need to change perspectives, and a friend of mine told me I need to try something else.  I am going to give the Church a chance, and see if I can work at an all-boy's school much better than with these coed nitwits.

I need to be happy and I need to relax.  After all there's only a few fuckin' things you can do with a degree in English.  Seriously, I checked and here's the answers to that question.  And that's damned heart breaking.

But I need to calm down and write more.  Make happiness out of crap and work harder.

And be hopeful.

Thanks for listening.

~~~

p.s. It just started raining.

Prom 2012

The first time should be in the back of a buggy with a girl that they think they're in love with. 

                                                                              Mrs. Kate Collingwood (The Cowboys 1972)

Yes, I've written about prom before, but I rarely touch the subject unless it make the news as it did here.


 

I wonder if Seka would have gone to my prom, or maybe Traci Lords or Christy Canyon? 

I wonder what my family would have said to me when a woman of a salacious reputation would have arrived at my door, licking her lips, smiling politely, cleavage bouncing asking for me? 

 

Recently a young man in Minnesota named Mike Stone Tweeted over 600 times for a porn star, promising a massage along with a meal and a good time.  And, he got a response.  Megan Piper, 19, a porn starlet with sexy good looks missed her prom in a transition move with her family before she became a starlet.

I don't know if it's fame someone's seeking or the chance to achieve a lofty ideal.  A lot of men can hope, ache, fantasize, dream and wish to have Angelina Jolie but only Brad Pitt is so damned lucky.  Many a man drool watching Jenna Jameson, Scarlett Johansson, Playboy Bunnies, Penthouse Pets, and Hustler Honeys but that's not to be our lot in life.

Usually those dreams end in a mess somehow.

The school-district is the one who put the reins on his celebrity date and it's made the news ever since, some for, some against the idea of a porn starlet at the prom.  I don't think it's so bad as she's 19 and he's 18, and he's (supposedly) a special-needs kid, meaning he never stood a chance with the other girls and I feel kinda bad for him.  I can't say if he's ugly; I mean to me he looks normal, but if he couldn't find a local date then I sympathize as I had to cater a date from 200 miles away, and she too, was older, 'bout the same age.

Now this isn't the first time this has happened.  In 1999 a kid called the Howard Stern show and asked porn starlet Houston, an infamous gang-bang starlet, to his prom.  And the school couldn't do anything about it at the time.  Maybe Long Island is different from Minnesota but a date is a date and a kid could always use a hot date for a memorable night.

I was an ugly kid.  Well, maybe not ugly so much as homely, pudgy and shy, withdrawn, introverted, nerdy and boring.  After importing my date I was still a virgin but I was happy.

I hope the kid gets a date.

Prom is something to remember.

Adios.

~btw~

Those of you writing to support me, thank you; your wishes and happy thoughts and warm fuzzies are keeping me afloat as I go into another long-term gig.

I am making you something cool so watch out ...

~hugz~

http://news.yahoo.com/high-school-student-uses-twitter-land-porn-star-230018577.html

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2012/03/minn-school-quashes-seniors-bid-to-bring-porn-star-to-prom/1#.T28yu9VFrKg 

http://coedmagazine.com/2009/04/27/10-porn-stars-who-gave-their-bods-to-god/ 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Houston_(pornographic_actress)

Today

Greetings Friends & Foes,

After all you never know who you're addressing in a blog.  (~wink, wink!~)  I am off from substitute teaching today, working at home, cleaning and trying to get some things in order.  One of those things is a new set of shelves, as seen here.

Another thing I am trying for is a few more songs to my collection.  After all, Big Brother is coming like a SOB and we've gotta watch what's for evaluation and what we've bought.

(Attention DORKS, that is in no way an admission; it's just a statement of fact concerning the modern age we live in and what can & can't be found on the interwebz.  Don't blame me because some tools are stealing and pinning it on the rest of us ... I'm not that brave.)

Sunday I went to visit my folks on the south side of town, and as I came off Military Dr. I saw a kid doing some painting on a large utility box; I thought he was some kind of volunteer doing clean-up, but instead he was doing wheat-paste art, and I am going into the old neighborhood to try and grab a picture of the image if it hasn't been destroyed or painted over.

Another thing that's been gaining a lot of ground is stencil art, which I think is cool when done right.  

Today I am just cleaning & storing clutter, porn and old pictures and work.

Hopefully it will be a productive day too.

Take care & God Bless you A/all.

afare24get