Don't Know Why - Maybe I've Been Bad

Hiya Perverts & Pervettes,

I hope you're in a good mood since I am not, but all I can do is hope, right?

And thus as I get closer to the end of my summer I realize that I'll never fuck a woman like a porn star again.

So very fuckin' sad.

At least there's some images of 'what might have been'.

Maybe I've added these to remind myself I am supposed to be repugnant and coarse, vulgar & obscene.

How else do you do it? Wiggling art added to the blog!

Let this be your lesson: "Wait for nothing; take if you can't earn, steal if necessary and ride your dreams to their fatalistic end."

Always,

Julian

p.s. "Hopefully down here they're moving ... ;-) "

"At least until PhotoBucket catches on ... ~lol!~

Awakened by Travesty - 3 Floyds

(Written July 11th - posted today)

I'll be 41 in less than 2 days. It's nothing to celebrate. As I get older I am beginning to see that birthdays are commemorations of failure and depression. I've felt off-kilter for about a year, and I don't know if it's because I have done so many stupid things that enrage and destroy my reality or if because I am growing jealous knowing my stories will die and my ideas falter while I drag my feet or find myself a job.

I want a cigarette. I haven't smoked in years so I don't think I want one for more than the way the tears will come to be spurting from my eyes.

I want a chance to be calm - to be joyous. And I have learned after all these years it's not in the hollowness of church-life. I'm not worshipping a god or even my God. I am just going through the paces of being in an established order. It's a rigmarole; or maybe it's that I lack a beating heart any longer and thua I am unhappy.



I love music, in case you have never noticed it in my blogs. Pink Floyd's "The Great Gig in the Sky", is a pure expression of love. My writing is measured, watched, censored, lost and found. I have come to really hate my MySpace blog, and the lack of interest it's generated from people on-line. I am thinking it was a real waste of time, so it may need to be deleted. Disappear, like I want to disappear; sadly not from my friends and lovers on-line, but from my family & acquaintances here in Texas. BAMF!

As I sip my coffee, I am listening to Pink Floyd on YouTube while processing my thoughts. One of them is that I had to recheck my own spelling, since I couldn't recall the way to spell 'rigmarole', which I thought was 'rigamarole', and thus this entry stalled for several minutes.

I pride myself on the way I speak, using clarity, diction, and deliberacy of phrase and thought for words; words are so incredibly powerful, filled with emotion, creation and death. People have no idea that their words can be so strong, and they don't know how to choose the right ones for anything more than the moment of delight or to sate their appetite.



Words, unlike the shell we hold, are immortal, and they will live on so much longer than we can imagine. Words make and keep the moments, unleash the fury of our hearts, and let us visit plateaus some of us can't imagine without acid on our tongues, or Hendrix playing in our minds, a Woodstock we'll never know, a Nirvana we passed the chance to see.

Fickle Fortune ... sadness and glory. A lacking and a gain; all the world in a grain of sand and all your wants blown off like dust in the eye of a storm. Momentarily tranquil- then it's gone.

I've done much in life and little. Maybe this is the Karmatic result of my actions: anxiety & fear.

Thanks for listening.


~J~




These are the lyrics to "Time" and "Home", with the verbal introduction to the "Great Gig in the Sky", all taken from this website:

http://www.allfloyd.com/lyrics/Lyrics.html

And all three songs come from "Dark Side of the Moon" - isn't it a shame that it's taken me so very long to finally see the strength of these words? Maybe that's why they've substained me without me knowing why ...


Time (Mason, Waters, Wright, Gilmour) 7:06

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.


Breathe (reprise) 7:06

Home, home again.
I like to be here when I can.
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire.
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.


The Great Gig in the Sky (Wright) 4:44

"And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I
don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime."

"If you can hear this whispering you are dying."

"I never said I was frightened of dying."

(Instrumental)

When the smoke is going down & Always somewhere

The Scorpions When The Smoke is Going Down Lyrics

Music :rudolf schenker
Lyrics:klaus meine

Just when you make your way back home
I find some time to be alone
I go to see the place once more
Just like a thousand nights before
I climb the stage again this night
'cause the place seems still alive
When the smoke is going down

This is the place where I belong
I really love to turn you on
I've got your sound still in my ear
While your traces disappear
I climb the stage again this night
'cause the place seems still alive
When the smoke is going down

I climb the stage again this night
'cause the place seems still alive
When the smoke is going down
When the smoke is going down
When the smoke is going down







The Scorpions Always Somewhere Lyrics


Arrive at seven the place feels good
No time to call you today
Encore till eleven then chinese food
Back to the hotel again

I call your number the line ain't free
I like to tell you come to me
A night without you seems like a lost dream
Love I can't tell you how I feel

Always somewhere
Miss you where I've been
I'll be back to love you again
Always somewhere
Miss you where I've been
I'll be back to love you again

Another morning another place
The only day off is far away
But every city has seen me in the end
And brings me to you again

Always somewhere
Miss you where I've been
I'll be back to love you again
Always somewhere
Miss you where I've been
I'll be back to love you again




http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-scorpions-lyrics.html

Phone Sex - Part 3

Since the 1980's, or at least in the earlierst copies of HUSTLER in my studio, I have found that people have been seeking phone sex for some time. Beginning with checks by mail & appointments, sent Polaroids/pictures, and then shifting to credit card charging and finally into 1-800, 1-900 & 976 #'s, up to now with checks-by-phone, phone billing to UK or overseas sites or charing on the internet for calls and even cam-play.

Wow! That was a mouthful! Just like the calls we all enjoy. ~lol!~

On the web I found this story on Yahoo, and decided to post it, showing all your who are seeking Phone Sex and the delight of an incredible fantasy fulfillment and (of course!) and orgasm, this is for you. Work on your sound and resonance. Work on your body shape, and tell the world you're seeking the delights of the aural fantasy.

Now I know that there are some of you who are wondering what's going on inside and how will we be able to accomplish the landing of someone for a wicked call and the incredible pleasure of the moment. That's charm - you're on your own.

On the plus side if you're able to make the best of your own vocabulary, your brains, and your desires, then hopefully you'll make the best of the chance to make love with your voice and your choices. And I can tell you this now - all my callers ARE SEXY ... thank you for being so sexy!

~smooch!~

Blessings,

Julian

**********

Sexy People Sound Better

Greg Soltis - LiveScience Staff

LiveScience.com

Wed Jul 16, 8:51 AM ET

People with voices deemed sexy and attractive tend to have greater body symmetry upon close inspection, suggesting that what we hear in a person can greatly affect what we see in them.

"The sound of a person's voice reveals a considerable amount of biological information," said Susan Hughes, an evolutionary psychologist from Albright College in Reading, Pa. "It can reflect the mate value of a person."

Hughes, whose new study is detailed in the June 2008 edition of the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, cautions that an attractive voice does not necessarily indicate that this person has an attractive face.



A symmetric body is genetically sound, scientists say, and in evolutionary terms, in the wild, it can be an important factor when selecting a mate. But sometimes changes during prenatal development can slightly skew this balance. For instance, the length ratio between index and ring fingers, known as the digit ratio, is fixed by the first trimester, a time that corresponds with vocal cord and larynx development. If the hormone surge that affects vocal development also affects finger growth, there should be a connection between an individual's voice and digit ratio.

Hughes could not demonstrate a connection between voice attractiveness and digit ratio in her previous work, possibly due to vocal changes that occur during puberty. So in the new study, about 100 individuals listened to previously recorded voices and independently rated them on nine traits important during mate selection: approachability, dominance, healthiness, honesty, intelligence, likelihood to get dates, maturity, sexiness and warmth.

Study participants generally agreed on what made a voice attractive. But when Hughes used a spectrogram to analyze these voice ratings according to different acoustic properties such as pitch, intensity, jitter and shimmer, she could not find a common feature that made these voices seem attractive.

This indicates our perceptual system may be more advanced than expected.

"We can agree on what's an attractive voice yet I can't capture it with a computer," Hughes told LiveScience.said.

Investigating if a combination of these properties can define an attractive voice may shed light on a connection, she said.

10 Tips for a Healthy Voice
Deep-Voice Men Have More Kids
10 Things You Didn't Know About You
Original Story: Sexy People Sound Better

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080716/sc_livescience/sexypeoplesoundbetter - Original Yahoo Story



http://afare24get.blogspot.com/2008/07/phone-sex-part-2.html - regarding people

http://afare24get.blogspot.com/2008/06/on-phone-sex.html - Beginning the Idea

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phone_sex - Wikipedia on the Phone Sex explaination

Visit LiveScience.com for more daily news, views and scientific inquiry with an original, provocative point of view. LiveScience reports amazing, real world breakthroughs, made simple and stimulating for people on the go. Check out our collection of Science, Animal and Dinosaur Pictures, Science Videos, Hot Topics, Trivia, Top 10s, Voting, Amazing Images, Reader Favorites, and more. Get cool gadgets at the new LiveScience Store, sign up for our free daily email newsletter and check out our RSS feeds today!

100% of Misery

What Makes Life 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. But, how about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If ...
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far .........

A S S K I S S I N G

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

- will take you.

***********

A friend of mine gave me the table above, and someone else asked me about my 'grades' from this summer. In case you didn't know I was taking Biology 101 for 4 hours a day, a lab & lecture one behind the other. As I went through the class I saw that I was one of the fuckin' few that didn't cheat in the goddamned class.

I know that I have done more than I can imagine in getting my grades and I worked hard for this fucking class! I hated the dull, nonsensical teacher, but i took the class. I failed and I don't know by how much so I just wasted $300+ dollars that I could have saved for my phone bill to AT&T to pay for all the phone sex calls with my friends & lovers.

I could have been drawing, having more calls, and enjoying myself a great deal, but instead I wriggled and writhed in this ridiculous class. I am going to have an audit and make sure whether I need or don't need this fucking class for graduation.

I NEED to graduate. I NEED to leave school and I need to have the money necessary to work through life. I'm not 20 any longer, and I can't wait.

I have just heard from the West Telemarketing people; my training starts next week and I need a class for the Fall to keep recieving my awards moving through life until there's a career to rid me of my debts. If dreams were part of it I'd be happy. Instead it's just the sour desperation of reality - I need a job and more money than I am making now.

Okay, I'm gonna Irish my coffee (Please don't be offended my redheaded, freckled readers & lusters!) ... a little whiskey to make me smile, while I bake a potato to sink myself in comfort food.

At least the flavor is richer than my wallet.

Ciao.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYvmiN1BviA - I Get Weak/Belinda Carlisle

A Love Story in My Dreams

I dream I had been walking around the local neighborhood, with some of the old dorky guys from back-in-the-day. It was daytime, and we had shorts and backpacks. I remember somehow we discussed a girl from highschool, and everyone was talking about hot gorgeous she was, and one of my friends was talking about going to see her (or find/pursuit her), so he was asking about dressing up. He was talking guy-outfits, and decided to wear a short, waist-high coat with matching pants & loafers - tres 80's. (Since it seemed to be more of a past event, his outfit in particular, I assumed we'd all graduated from high school.)

As her name was being discussed, one of the guys mentioned she had a small chip/turn in one of her back teeth. I told them she was still gorgeous. I smiled, but never said anything about how I felt or what I had in the way of a relationship with her. Nothing said about her upset me, and shortly thereafter, everyone left. From a spot on my bookcase, I pulled a tiny envelope; in it were some photos wrapped in paper, like a leftover insert from a church bulletin or school announcement. The edges were worn, and inside it held 4 or 5 glossy snapshots from a 110 camera, the kind that were four inches square with rounded tips, and had a date stamped in white or black like 'June 1984'.

* One was her class photo, fom high school photo, looking the way girls looked in 1984 looked, holding their innocence and beaming as they approached a world filled with promise and wanting to reach their dreams.

* On one of the photos she hung off the shoulder of one of my friends, the guys who'd been talking to me about her, striking a teen model pose. She had been a teen model, and always reveled in those 15 minutes of that never took her anywhere.

* One was her and a blonde friend dancing furiously, laughing gaily, enjoying a frenzied moment of fun captured by the second. hair flew everywhere, but her smile was absolutely visible.

* The last was was of her (or her & I) sitting on my bed, posed and relaxed, showing me her absolute beauty.

What you first read was the dream - this is the reality.

It's a little before 7:00 a.m., and I'm having my coffee, scribbling, my dog at my feet, Styx, Great White & the Scorpions playing out of my computer. It's been eons since I thought of my love story to her. She was always "that girl", unattainable, aloof, and dating a jock. One day she was in a car accident, and I rushed in, ordering people back, talking to her, putting my jacket under her head, calling 911 from a nearby home.

I spoke her name, and she reacted, and the ambulance arrived. her family came, the wrecker showed up, and wwithin moments, it was all done. I tried talking to her a few times after that, but her "cool" friends kept me at a distance. I was a Junior, and she was a Senior. They were cool, and I was not. At the last dance of the school year, one of my friends knew her well, and brought her over to me. I wanted to hide, but she knew what I did for her, and she came to me smiling, her eyes twinkling in the strobe lights of the darkened gym, and I asked her to dance. "Still Loving You" by the Scorpions played, and as she wrapped her arms around my neck, I was happy. (THAT was one of the few times I would be happy. High school fuckin' sucked donkey balls for me - I REALLY fuckin' hated it like it hated me!!) She thanked me, smiled and danced close. At that moment, I knew she'd never feel the way I felt for her. I was her hero, her protector, never to be anything more.

She came to me in the dream I am blogging about, not frantic or upset, and bringing me a little joy. She reminded me my life has enjoyed, and enjoys, many love stories. There's no critical mass or hemhoragging of social commentaries. Just a smile.

Nothing but a smile.

And as i write this, that's all I'm wearing.

But I don't think she wants to see that side of me. ~lol!~


Always,


~J~



http://www.flickr.com/photos/djfrantic/sets/72157594505308241/ - reference & inspiration photos

http://www.flickr.com/photos/beinder/ - more inspiration from the past

Lyrics - Still Loving You

Rudolf Schenker, Klaus Meine)

Time, it needs time
To win back your love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday
I will be there, I will be there

I'll fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, only love
Can break down the wall someday
I will be there, I will be there

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Your pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again
I'm loving you

Try, baby try
To trust in my love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, our love
Just shouldn't be thrown away
I will be there, I will be there

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Your pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Yes, I've hurt your pride, and I know
What you've been through
You should give me a chance
This can't be the end
I'm still loving you
I'm still loving you, I need your love
I'm still loving you

Prom Chaos 1985 & 2008

I remember the prom: corsage, crinoline dress with spahgetti straps, a see-through shawl, and semi-chunk heels that your mom was wearing for church earlier this year. Or they're the spikey, over-strappy shoes wrapped around you several times. I remember tickets were $25 a couple, meaning with your date all the crappy finger-foods & punch were covered along with chaperone's from the classes, meaning the teachers' mingled about, watching that we didn't see them slip away to have a double-scotch at the bar below our ballroom.

God almighty - 1985 was SO long ago.

Wow. 23 years ago I was wishing for the luck of love, and in the end I was toilet-papering a friends' house in my tuxedo while being driven about by the chauffeur from the mortuary. Yes, I rented a mourners' car, but that's because we rented every car around town; after I rented the gigantic behemoth & people were rushing to enter that pact since they didn't want to go to the prom in a monster truck or driven by mommy in the station wagon or in the 'Good Times' van by Chevy with all the air-brushed art or candy flecking & captains chairs inside them. And yes, he & I were drunk as skunks!

Sadly, despite the imagery of soccer-moms and groceries, the mini-van was just coming into style and not yet along side with the available transports in the market.

Or at least not in Southern Texas. ~lol!~ Truth be told I've even driven one of those ultra-custom vans holding everything but a waterbed and a strokelight and discoball.

Anyway, back to prom: I wore a white dinner jacket, and to psyche myself up to actually having a date with a girl, I kept replaying the song "View to a Kill" by Duran-Duran from the Bond movie of the same name, and thought I looked pretty spiffy in my big glasses with brown tinting, red bow tie & matching cummerbund, and my date came from the costal town of Port Aransas; she was older than me, MUCH hotter than I could imagine, and was sweet enough to do this favor of attending the prom with me.

I took my best-friend since third grade cub scouts, and he had his steady girl who later became his first wife. I learned later that the Losoya's next door were connected to him also, knowing him from days in the Air Force and chaos between marriages. he had the back seat to make out in, and I was too shy to do anything but make small talk with my date, whom I'd had a crush on since we'd met in 1982. Three years, several meetings and my prom and despite being watched by my classmates nothing happened.

Dammit, I wish I could find the actual prom pics - I've found some similar to my outfit and the times, but they're not really me. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

We crashed a Bennigan's & had two bottles of champagne, steaks for dinner, and smiled & took a load of pictures and I was happy. Two hours before I had been dancing, and all the girls from my school were taken aback that I had a date at all.

They were certain I'd pussy out and just fall off the face of the earth, or actually go alone to such an event. I wasn't the extrovert I am now so sitting home would have been more my style than anything else, thus the beginning of the hermit lifestlye I seek today.

Why are we discussing this topic? Actually, the Prom in Houston, Texas for high school had an arguement that occurred at the hotel hosting the ballroom, and one of the atendees and her date were escorted off the property by the police. Very sad, that the girls' only real prom photo was the one of her in cuffs. She cried to the listening television station that her outfit was 'custom made', and that she really liked her dress. Sadly, she also broke one of the rules as listed on her prom ticket:

* Only one inch of the midsection can be shown.
* Bare backs are acceptable.
* Slits in the dress can be no more than three inches from the knee.
* See through fabrics should not be in places to which reveal private body parts.
* Proper undergarments must be worn at all times. (This was her death knell, dear readers, see the photos below! And when she cried to the television station she was showing off her tattooes & nipples within the confines of the dress.)
* Tennis shoes of any kind are unacceptable.

Now she claimed her friends tried covering her with the train of the dress and when she was not allowed inside, she asked for a refund immediately of her ticket money. It was not given, and she was told to leave - when she refused the police were called and thus she went out in handcuffs.

I saw the dress, and it IS revealing, so I don't think she didn't know, but she tried getting by and failed. However, I searched for something I had seen before, and there it was: American Idol Kellie Pickler in her prom dress, which was by no means modest in any description of the word.

In fact, I think the only other person worthy of that outfit would have been Jenna Jameson or Traci Lords. I mean, really: tell me those dresses aren't the infatuation with the lustiness of youth and the chance to show off while you've got it? Had I known I'd look the way I do now in life I think my jeans would have been a little tighter.

~wink!~

I am going to finish my degree in Language Arts 6-12 and one of the local high shcools could hire me. Thus, I'd be the chaperone, and the one barring entry or smiling politely showing off my barely-legal date to the rest of the senior class. I know I'd get some disapproving looks like I do now in life.

That girl knew better, but she also could have been dealt with on a different level that would not have involved the police rolling her out the door. Maybe the principal should have taken her to Rick's Cabaret so she could see who really likes her dress besides horny teenage boys... well, really anyone with a wanga-doodle & their tongue hanging out.

After all, I don't think she was ever refunded the money.

At least she could have earned it back.

Adios!



~J~