The Manifesto of Ugliness

The Manifesto of Ugliness

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity, but in being uninteresting. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am concluding that I am ugly, and that I need to beautify my soul. I have spent years pouring out my soul, my very being, into my journal, and these meager thoughts never seem to amount to the draw of attention and creation of hope I long for in my life. I’m not interesting, and I don’t have a lot to prove it any longer.

Maybe there’s something disappointing about an erotic writer who isn’t a male version of Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City”, and is chubby to boot. I’m 6’2”, close to 300 lbs, and I don’t have anything special like an eye patch, a hook hand, a peg leg, or any other features that make me special. I’m not hung like a goddamned anaconda, and I’m not as carefree or reckless as I’ve been in the past.

I am willing to take some risk, but they are few and far between. That person has to be worth death itself, and that’s how I know what I feel for a person. I haven’t felt that in some time … and occasionally I get the inkling of a feeling when on-line on some sites.

I think people are disappointed when they meet me in person. Behind the laptop screen the personal loathing and ugliness can be hidden with smarmy compliments, silly jabbering and erotica. I make others smile with my words, not my appearance, and that’s all I have going for me. I even had one little angel whom I met, and she kept badgering me for her story (or a story for her) and when I told I sent her part, her reply was, “I haven’t read it yet.”

I can’t post images of myself, as I have a vanilla/normal life as a teacher, and if my students ever found my cock spitting cum or my face with the things I’ve written, I’d be run out of Texas on a rail. Well, maybe up to Austin … but here in San Antonio that’s a different story.

So what should my manifesto be? Hmm … when I began this sounded like a cool title; now it should mean something.

• Selfishness is the key to survival.
• People may eventually ignore you; don’t hold faith in them.
• Do unto others, then split.
• It doesn’t matter if they return your warmth, affection, trust or love – it would only scar you in the end.
• Literotica chat sucks now versus how cool it was a while back! (And that sucks since that’s where I met so many cool people!)
• You must make an effort to create hourly, so you don’t wait on applause.
• You must self-congratulate. Like masturbation, but a personal pat-on-the-ass.
• Find realistic dreams but don’t give up on the big ones like that ache to be loved again.

I’ll keep writing and see what comes next.

Thanks for listening.

Always,

~ j ~

Ugliness quote found - here

p.s. "No, things haven't turned about; they're still getting better, but they're not as good as they've been in the past.  I have to admit I am grateful for those who take the time to say something to me so I don't feel as if I am shouting into the void for nothing."