Grow Up! Fuck that! Maybe ... :-(

I keep hearing that I can't hope for my dreams to take me anywhere and that I need to work on teaching more than anything.



I guess to be independent I will need to focus on teaching and make notes for my writing. But there seems to be so many things & so little time. Some days I'm afraid - some days I'm feeling hopeless and some days I feel like I could be on top of the world.

Tomorrow morning I'll be in a class for substitute teachers; I won't get paid for it and they're not giving leads to job, just silly reminders of what you can & can't do in a classroom.

I can't teach at Catholic schools, as I'm not sacramentaly sound any longer, being separated. I don't want to teach in a charter school, as they're asking for contact information for students to call you (the teacher) if they're unable to finish their homework.



Nope.

I don't want to teach. Maybe I need to publish a new story to make me feel better.

Maybe I need to make a better effort building a website and exposing my art to the world.

Always with the fuckin' 'maybe's' ... -lol-

Gonna have to keep trying.

Got nothing to lose.


Adios.

Getting ready

39 things about me - repost from 2007

Tag! I'm It!

Tag - 39 Questions....

These are the RULES:

A. Each player of this game starts with honestly answering these questions.
B. People who get tagged need to copy and paste a blog of their own providing their answers.
C. At the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.
D. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "TAG... YOU'RE IT!" and tell them to read your blog.

1. Where were you 1 hour ago ? Sipping coffee watching the History channel while checking the subfinder for jobs.
2. Who will be your next kiss ? Same as my most recent - my dog Blondie.
3. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? only the font on this blog which I hav TRIED getting rid of again & again.
4. When is the last time you went to the mall? Last week - Old navy had a sale & pudgy sizes.
5. Are you wearing socks right? Yes and shoes too. Now ask about underwear ...
6. When was the last time you went out of town? Ren Fest - see previous blog
7. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? Going tonight to see something gory I hope.
8. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee - always coffee.
9. What are you wearing right now? Cargo pants, a Dr Pepper t-shirt and a smile.
10. Have you been in a car wash? Lord no - I wait for the rain & add soap.
11. Last food you ate? Beef jerky last night ... making breakfast as I write in the microwave.
12. Where were you last week on Saturday? Shopping at Bussey's Flea Market outside of San Antonio, Texas.
13. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? A new t-shirt at Steve & Barry's - I LOVE Steve & Barry's and am trying to lose more weight to fit into them.
14. When was the last time you ran? Haven't been chased lately...
15. What's the last sporting event you watched? Why? Participate or watch young sexy women dancing ... ~sigh~ (Happy memory with Taylor Wane ... tell ya later.)
16. What is your favorite class? Anything with art or about art.
17. Your dream vacation? Dargon-Con in Atlanta and a room large enough for costume chaneges ... I am suck a fucking nerd.
18. Last 3 people's house's you were in? My friend the reporters' apartment, my folks place & God's house. (Yes I go to church.)
19. How old are your parents? Dad in the 70's - mom in the 60's.
20. Do you miss anyone? Yes - she was a Hell of a smile too.
21. Last play you saw? Miss Saigon - 199-something or maybe turn of the Millennium.
22. What are your plans for today? Draw & write and maybe a peek at Literotica chatroom ... maybe.... at 75% I'll be there after this.
23. Ever go to camp? Bible, YMCA summer camp, and cheer camp - don't ask!
24. Were you an honor roll student? Nope but I am above-average.
25. What do you know about the future? What ever will be will be ... que sera, sera, sera
26. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? Nope.
27. Where is your best friend located? Somewhere in the middle east.
28. Do you have a Tan? I'm a Latino - I'm naturally tan. What I want is an all-over tan!
29. How old do you want to be when you have kids? I'm old now, in my 40's but the last few bloodtest have come back negative. Of course when the children come back Asian & African-American and their mothers are both Anglo ...
30. Do you collect anything? Comic books & dirty magazines, especially from the 70's and 80's.
31. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over? Not recently but they keep asking questions when I have accidents & wrecks.
32. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? Only when there's too much ice in the glass.
33. How do you like your drinks? Beer-y or in a flaming shot glass.
34. Do you like Hot sauce? Ehhh ... I'll make my own salsa instead.
35. Last time you took a shower? Yesterday afternoon.
36. Who do you have a crush on? I won't say - it might surprise him, I mean 'her'.
37. What is your mood today? Happy & full of endorphines - just came back from walking the dog.
38. Are you someone's best friend? I am many peoples' friends, just sometimes a intolerable pain in the ass. (As if that's a surprise to anyone who knows me!)
39. Are you rich? Lord no - I'm sick in debt.

---
I am not tagging anyone today - if you want to answer this on your blog go for it; if not I won't but I do hope this will make you smile.

Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&#ixzz0wDu21DgJ

Here I Go Again

They say "third time's a charm" so I am hoping to lead a charmed life. I am going to reset the clock once again.

I have to. My 'Summer of Commissions' didn't pan out and I am broke, or just as broke as before, with a checking account closed, a stack of supplies I invested in, and a miserable heart that isn't making me feel any better about myself.


Countdown Clock by Zoodu.com
So what am I gonna do? I'm gonna keep working, and I'm gonna keep creating, and I'm gonna keep making my small steps towards my dreams. I can't die of mediocrity, and I can't be an honest teacher when my dreams are far away from the classroom.

After all, if that's the case, I'll be nothing more than a failure, a liar, and that can't be good for a parent, a lover, a friend, a mentor or anyone who'd want to guide or assist your life.

They should be and feel successful ... that's being honest with yourself.

So the clock is being reset for more days. I posted the clock to keep me abreast of the time I have left, and to keep me in line with my hopes and dreams.

Here we go again!

Adios, ciao & bye-bye!





Julian



- Wiki Answer 01

- Yahoo Answer 02

- Scroll down to "T" for Answer 03

A Lullaby to Drift into Slumber

Hushabye Mountain Lyrics


A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain
Softly blows o'er lullaby bay.
It fills the sails of boats that are waiting--
Waiting to sail your worries away.
It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain
And your boat waits down by the key.
The winds of night so softly are sighing--
Soon they will fly your troubles to sea.
So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain.
Wave good-bye to cares of the day.
And watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain
Sail far away from lullaby bay.

Lyrics found here



Today I lost a checking account because it was overdrawn.

TGSL (student loans) are asking for monies I don't have.

I am unhappy. There's no privacy, no money, no joy ... my friends are all busy with their own lives and I still need a certification to make an honest living as a teacher. One of my contact asked me if I was self-sabotaging my efforts since teaching is not a dream of mine.

I don't know what to do but write and that's been dissatisfying for a while. I'm bored in a classroom, and my sex life is nil.




I am trying. But as much as there are successes, there have to be failures. Maybe I just can't accept that yet.

Maybe I should just be used to it.

~lol~

Good night.




~ j ~

So I Have This Fantasy

Don't FORGET this is an Adult (Mature Reader) blog not an ADULT (porno) blog so enjoy but you're not allowed to complain!

Free Porn Movies. Unlimited upload porn for free.


And that mean's there's everything including smut here, such as complaints, dreams, moaning, reviews and repostings.

Enjoy!!!



Julian

A Little Cheer-Me-Up Music

Oingo Boingo - Who Do You Want To Be? Lyrics

CHORUS
Who do you want to be today?
Who do you want to be?
Who do you want to be today?
Do you want to be just like someone on T.V.?

Oh boredom is so terrible, it's like a dread disease
Nothing could be worse
Than when there's nothing on T.V.
I'd rather be a cowboy than to stare blank at the walls
I've been reborn so many times
I can't remember them all
(And I say)

CHORUS

Just like someone on T.V.!

I think I'll be a teddy boy, I think I'll be a hunk
I think I'll be a tough guy and I think I'll be a punk
I might just be a fashion star
All dressed in frilly rags
Or perhaps I'll cross the other side
And walk around in
Drag!

CHORUS

Just like somebody on T.V.!

Do you like to be just like a rock
In the middle of the sea
Do you want to suffer by yourself
In a pool of blissful misery
Do you want to feel like a saint in artists' clothes
With a rosary in your hand
Do you wanna be crazy like Van Gogh like a
Stranger in a
Strange, strange land

Would you rather push the buttons
And be feared by all humanity
Or perhaps you'd like to be a bum
Do you wanna be stupid, just like me

CHORUS

Just like somebody on T.V.!
Who do you want to be . . . . . . .

Lyrics Here