Very Odd, fleshy dream on my 41st

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Tentacle Love

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Phone Sex Part 2

On Phone Sex - More To Tell

I was chatting on-line with a friend (and occassional) lover of mine, who asked me, 'So Jules,where was that naked picture of yourself you promised me?' I replied, 'Well sweetie ... you promised me one of you too; skin-for-skin, that's it.' The chat got quiet for a moment, then she said, 'No, not after my last request. I doubt I'll ever do that again.'

When she opened up, she had told me that she'd sent a boy (and that's ALL I can call this unknown immature judgmental asshole!) a picture of her cleavage, who immediately called her cheap and sad,and logged off, ignoring her calls. She was hurt, mentally & emotionally, so I immediately sent her my less-than-perfect physique to see and to either giggle over or adorn. I was hurt that this friend of mine & lover was crushed for her honesty and embracing her sensuality expressing it and sharing it with this one-time lover.

A few minutes later she was giggling and sending smiley-face emoticons via Messenger and making me comfortable with who I am, as I have been very shy when someone sent me a fleshy picture. I knew I'd have to reciprocate eventually but have been so nervous about doing it in any manner. Hers' arrived, and I was aghast! WOW!! Amazing, gorgeous sweet cleavage! Beautifully manicured fingers, and the round ripples of crushed, clenched tits held lovingly by a woman aching to express herself like a butterfly coming out of the cocoon. I was thrilled she showed me this side of her.

And she's not the only one to show me this side of her, and the secret held closest to her heart: 'This is me baring myself, body and soul, flaws and all.' I was proud of her and felt so very privledged that she shared what she held close and intimate with me willingly.

I've been very blessed that so many have shared so much with me, from their smiles to their bodies and souls, fears and perversions, delights and desires and disappointments. I couldn't hope for more from people close to me much less alone from those across the country or around the world. I am thrilled I have so many people wanting to know me, be with me, chat, talk and even - God helping me! - wanting to willingly fuck me senseless and into exhaustion. I have had my heart broken, my body used and enjoyed, desired and wanted, and smiles galore that can't be beaten away from my old fucking face. ~wink!~

Now, this is for the unrealistic idiot here at this chatsite looking for phone sex: don't be UNREALISTIC! Don't hold your hopes to the idea of a diamond-in-the-rough in your on-line searching for perversions and for delights and even a chance to cum or to make your willing partner cum with and for you. When we log-on to places like this website, we're looking for credible delights, willing partners, and to do the things that in the sunlight would make us repellent to society in general. We ask for the most wicked & obscene taboos willingly and love their abuse & misuse adoringly, and ache, craving so much more than can be garnered in a 30 minute (or 2 hour) phonecall from wherever 'Unknown Caller' is calling you from?

First off, taking or offering a call and the intimacy that is required with the moment takes as much bravery as BASE jumping. You're free-falling into nothing but trouble, mischief, pain and few people ever knowing what you're doing or how it's happening. ou can't reason or explain what you say or do in those moments, and you can't hope for anything more than a delighted groan or a wild utterance from your lover, a whisper in the dark, or the words, "Oh God ... that was SO good. I've gotta find you again and do this for much longer."

Second off, if you're looking on-line and not in the clubs, bars, pubs, ice cream socials or anywhere else that people congregate, then you're being unrealistic about YOURSELF! After all, you mush see yourself as some combination between Heath Ledger, John Holmes, Hunter Thompson, and Wilt Chamberlain. I mention all these men in particular because of their individual qualities: Ledger was an amazing actor, and was lost too soon with his contributions to the cinema. Thompson was the voice of America and the down-trodden, reminding us to think when acting, even if we're thinking of something completely abnormal and weird. And Holmes was the icon of all men aching to have a prodigious member as the bait to draw women to his sexual nature and appetite, working in porn with gusto & relish, making all of us envy his skinny build and gigantic cock. And Wilt has claimed to have had more than 20,000 women in his lifetime as a lusting delinquent of the dashing.

Now, if you're going to point a finger, wagging it while ridiculing someone's honesty, then tell me dear reader: 'Have you done anything greater than these men have in life?' Have you fucked that many women or your fist chaffing it sadly & alone? Have you made an impact on life and society, or are you dreaming? Did you find the course of history long and dull, and rewrote it by being involved, or do youskip voting, thinking 'Someone else will do it'? Do you have a book you've written about you or that you wrote yourself?

If you did ANY of those things, then you'd of met a supermodel, a porn star or total uber-babe. You wouldn't need the anominity and quiet of a cyber-sex chatroom or the perversions of a phone sex-call. So, you should NEVER say anything bad about someone not living up to your idiotic standards or to your less-than-perfect self on-line. Don't you EVER hurt or disparage the willing, wanting-to-be-lusted people here or anywhere, you moronic dickheads! I can appreciate the idea that someone sends you a picture that is less than Jenna Jameson against the voice you just heard but there is NO REASON to be cruel or rude! If you're able to send a gorgeous picture of yourself then you're doing it to be seen, to be exhibited and to be open, but not everyone looks like you. So be appreciative that they sent you ANY-fucking-thing!

Don't ever harm the wonderful people willing to share something so personal, so honest, so ready to be wild and free and open. Don't you dare clip their wings. If they are less-than-perfect take a look at yourself in the mirror first before belittling them.

After all, if you could, you wouldn't be here with us.

Read carefully before breaking someone's heart & soul dear caller & pervert:

http://afare24get.blogspot.com/2008/06/on-phone-sex.html

Ciao!

Damned Scared of Zombies

On My Fear of Zombies by J.G.

Few people can imagine themselves writing a treatise on their own fears without coming to some conclusion and change. After I write this I don’t know if I will come to some honest conclusion about my fears or if I’ll just sound a little more paranoid. I keep seeing the many different incarnations of the George Romero movies coming back to bite us on the ass & I wonder, “Is this a foretelling of the future or are we already zombies with our DSL’s, Wi-Fi, Mp3’s and the like swimming in our brains?” But, specifically, what do I dread? Is it the bite, or the rending of my body, my brains being consumed, or is it loss of brains from the cranial extraction? I am going to try answering this in my essay today, which has really taken some time for me to understand in my own soul and dread.

I have seen almost any zombie movie I could find, from the Bela Lugosi “White Zombie”, through Laura Gemser’s, “Erotic Night of the Living Dead” (which should not be seen by anyone! Trust me!), and of course, the Romero flicks giving us the main ideas of the mythos of zombie overruns. Then of course there are always the remakes of each of those movies, which were either close to the amazing fear-factor of the movies or more odd or depressing than the originals. “Night of the Living Dead” the original was good & creepy in a paranoid fashion with a tragedy of the sick (bitten) child versus the blandness of the remake where a woman played out the gun wielding role trying to lead the survivors.



So what am I afraid of? Logic dictates the idea that if can’t be seen or touched it doesn’t exist thus there should be no fear of the unknown or the unseen? And yet, we believe in God & Santa Claus, UFO’s and Atlantis, the Abominable Snowman & ‘la chupacabra’, in some form or another. I am not being sacrilegious or cruel to the idea of faith in our lives, and I still follow my beliefs and the hope of life after death being a glorious paradise where I’ll see my friends & family again. But if I can believe in that, then why can I not in believe in zombies? Why not a reanimated corpse arising from the grave to maul & haunt me? After all, there are cult-like fetish groups more numerous for this freakiness than there are Trekkies and people who dress in Halloween costumes. Some people feel themselves as vampires, or lycanthropes (were-creatures such as wolves, leopards and the like) or any other resurrected from-beyond persona including elves, faeries, and the types of people living from the past into this life. And I don’t just mean people dressing up for Renaissance fairs or such fun: I’m talking real people who feel the life of a real pirate from the days of the Spanish Main is acceptable.



So what am I afraid of? Thus, a definition of the fear is possible is necessary for the resolution of the problem isn’t it? In other words, what is a zombie? According to Dictionary.com website, the word ‘zombie’ means:

1. (In voodoo)
a. the body of a dead person given the semblance of life, but mute and will-less, by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose.
b. the supernatural force itself

2. (Informal)
a. a person whose behavior or responses are wooden, listless, or seemingly rote; automaton.
b. an eccentric or peculiar person.

So I am afraid of a lifeless corpse reanimated for evil purposes? I actually am in all honesty. After all, people who believe they are vampires, lycanthropes, or even pirates have one flaw fatal to them and even hopeful to other: rest. When the moon is not full, or when dawn comes, they go back to their own skin, coffins or the pirate flag comes down and the magic goes away. Zombies are not going to rest, moving until their bodies collapse and die or they are killed; they have no will or conscience in any matter, thus they lack a soul, and thus they ARE to be feared.

Something my granddad used to tell us. You know Macumba? Voodoo. My granddad was a priest in Trinidad. He used to tell us, "When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth." – Ken Foree, -
Dawn of the Dead (1978)



In the old Greek mythos of Hades, which later became the biblical Hell, the word was a listing for a land where the dead roamed after their life. Hell was where people went after death to be punished by the fallen angel Lucifer, who ran the underworld as its' evil god. Thus there is a difference in the placement of the souls: one believing in the Greek philosophies would accept death calmly, knowing there is nothing more than quiet and darkness. In the oldest traditions, death and Hades was where you wanted to go, thus the money placed over the eyes to pay the ferryman Charon to carry the dead over the River Styx. Thus Hades was not bad, just dull. Hell, however, was where the souls of the damned went (and go) because of the punishment of sinners of this life against God & man. In other words, you are harvested from the grave by the soul, and tossed down among the flames to burn and suffer for all eternity. An everlasting heat of chaos & misery for those who have made their life of being cruel or selfish; kind of ‘get what you deserve’ in the end, no matter what happens now.

But zombies have risen from the grave, thus lacking a soul, and thus the punishment of Hell. And if there are that many souls and bodies that the flames overflow, then we’re seriously screwed! You have to accept and admit to yourself, that if the dead rise, then we the living have brought Hell to earth. Did we do it because of amoebas from space, Biblically, or through a misuse of biochemical agents? After all, aren’t those the premises of “Night of the Comet”, “House of the Dead”, or “28 Days Later”? So if the premise of the dead rising being a staple of fiction, shouldn’t that mean that someone somewhere has had this overwhelming them for some time? I Am Legend was more vampires than zombies, but undead is undead, and light is a variant deterrent to a bullet to the head. And, the weakness to the light was the only deterrent, but the overwhelming numbers scared the ungodly crap out of me.

Now what should I fear? A blow to the head will usually end the reign of the creature, but either physical strength of superior marksmanship is a must. After all, when a person is taught to shoot, they are taught to hit the target, just to know they can connect a bullet to a shape. Later you go into smaller targets, like a quarter or a head-shot. But for the average person, to collapse a head would require a shotgun blast to scatter the skull with a minimum of accuracy. After all, a blast would send buckshot everywhere, thus making a grotesque mess but allowing for the all-encompassing head shot. And if not, be honest – have you ever hit someone in the jaw or head? Have you ever rabbit-punched another person in a fight? Or clipped them in the jaw and knocked them down without getting bitten in return? That’s the small fear inside the fight with the zombie: any transmission of blood to your system, such as through saliva, bites, or spitting/spraying would mean eventually you’d turn into one of the undead, a walking corpse, and have no will of your own, destroying those you loved or protected. The only relief of this would be either you being killed or killing yourself. After all, zombies want brains more than flesh, blood or intestines. I have to assume that they want something ‘living’ from the person they’ve killed, such as still-moving corpuscles in the blood, something in the DNA from the heart charging through the dying, or the brains for something in the electro-thingies of the grey matter.

Zombies come from the old religion of voodoo, meaning they have died, and have been raised from the dead to be enslaved by an evil sorcerer. The zombie has no will of its’ own, as does what it has been programmed/ordered to do until such time as it’s released or dies. The case of Clairvuis Narcisse is the most famous one in the current times. He was put under his spell in the mid-60’s, and was released from his captor when the sorcerer died thus not injecting him constantly with the mind-altering drugs needed to keep him under control as a ‘zombie’. This has been the basis of many of the theories in modern times, thus the social commentary angle reaches into movies: ‘we are zombies to our needs, doing without thinking’ as a general idea correlating the movies to our existence. We are social beings, and in that sense, the zombies gather in mobs to attack us, roving and hunting in packs like hyenas. Even if they’re the slow-shambling zombies they will still swarms & overwhelm us as humans, and thus we’re either food or followers. And that’s the other fear: becoming one. After all, wouldn’t that be your personal Hell? Not the damnation of death itself but the lack of rest and peace the body would deserve in its immortal repose? Don’t you want to see your loved-ones again instead of shuffling or competing for sustenance on a daily basis? Don’t we all deserve to die peacefully?

I am still curious what I fear? The attack when they kill me? That I’d have to work at killing them? That there’d be too many, or they’d be too powerful or disgusting? That I could become one, maybe in the ultimate conformist society? After all, they kill and move. No one ever notes them sleeping or hiding in any way, thus making them terrifically frightening. Is it the loneliness that I use now for my art & time away from normal society, or that I can use it as an excuse to keep people at a distance? Could it be a combination of all those things?

Maybe it’s inside me to not want to live lonely, with the dead around me, lifeless people with no dreams or wasted lives. That could be the parallel to living as I do now: I am becoming a zombie as my dreams die a little more each day. I can’t force them onto the world or into people’s hearts and minds. They have to grow like a sapling in the dirt, fertilized with the crap of ennui and destitute feelings. I keep writing these blogs because that seems to be my lot currently: doing but not living, waiting but just hoping, creating but letting it rot in quiet solitude like the flesh of the undead.

Maybe that’s why I fear the zombies more than anything else. Anything else has a weakness; even a serial killer can change, be executed or die at the hands of a bigger predator. Zombies are, period. They exist for the lack of death, and that is our weakness: lacking.

I guess I have good reasons to be scared.




http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zombie_%28disambiguation%29 – zombies everywhere

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zombie - the living dead then & not & where they come from

http://www.zombiesurvivalwiki.com/ - Zombie survival site

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/zombie - zombie definition

"Zombie" - Dictionary.com - Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 05 Jul. 2008. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/zombie >
http://www.raptureready.com/ - it’s coming people!

http://www.raptureready.com/rr-special_place_in_hell.html - See A Special Place in Hell

http://www.swagga.com/voodoo.htm - religion not sensationalism

http://www.religioustolerance.org/voodoo.htm - religion with details including the zombie

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clairvius_Narcisse - a real case of ‘zombification’

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Serpent_and_the_Rainbow - sensationalism & fear

http://scifipedia.scifi.com/index.php/I_Am_Legend - the books and movies, dealing more with vampires than zombies but still very creepy.

http://comicbooks.about.com/od/comicbookreviews/fr/iamlegendgn.htm - graphic novel

http://www.randomhouse.com/crown/zombiesurvivalguide/ - Yes, necessary reading today.

http://www.zombiejuice.com/zsurvival/index.html - more to learn: ‘Know your enemy’.

http://www.zombiejuice.com/zombies.htm - message board with lots of answers

Happy 4th of July 2008!!

Many Blessings & Much Love!



All I can hope is you're having fun.



Hopefully, there's no burn ban in your area of the country!





Blessings,


Julian

Failing Life Altogether

Today I went to West Telemarketing, did a data-entry test, and I was unable to see my dreams. I could not see that I am seeing that I have no where else to turn in my life. I have to make new inroads in my dreams or they will turn to dust and be the stagnation of my heart & soul. I don't want to really help people any more; I don't care about a lot of things like many people don't care for me in many ways so I can accept the job I am being offered.

The training starts on the 14th of July, the day after my birthday. Sadly, since my birthday is on a Sunday there will be little for me to do but have breakfast with my family. Last year my 40th birthday, which SHOULD have been a milestone in life, was really a fuckin' millstone, and a waste of time. I hated it, and I hate a lot of people now in my life, wishing to be more alone than I am now.

Will I be forgotten, dust to sand to memory to nothing ... is my life that vacuous that all I have is my blog, my hopes and my dog? Am I prone to living life alone, or is it my destiny? Should I fly someone into my bed from another state, another life, and make myself a little happier than I am now? Or should I be content with the lack of life & love & loyalty that I see from the so-called fucko's i have worked for and with for so very long?!

I have contemplated suicide in the past; but who'll watch my beautiful dog or pay off my bills? My siblings? My ancient parents? I'm better off living so they don't have to suffer for or with my flaws. I was SO fuckin' close to being done with this horse-shit and I could have gone into the limitless ennui of teaching, and been making enough money to move myself and Blondie (my dog) into a small home for her to have a yard and a garage for my hobbies so the house would look like a respectable bachelor lives in it. Who cares if there's frame grindhouse movie posters in the halls, or colorfully garish walls and coffee-cups galore and pictures of my friends and past achievements, such as a few of the comics I published, and some of my favorite paintings though I feel as if Henry Darger lives in my house. I wonder if I'll make my own 'Vivian Girls' saga, found only to make others either question my life or sanity.

I am tired, and my dog is lying on my futon watching 'The Oblongs' on Cartoon Network. I wish I still had some courage left in me but it's been spilt with the blood in brawls, drunken mistakes, wasted tears and wailing to a non-existant entity that I fear and ignore simultaneously.

When I visited West Telemarketing, I was appalled at how people showed up dressed for working in an office environment. They looked quite shabby & grotesque; I'm not wearing designer duds from Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, Old Navy or anything similar. I just made sure my shirt was pressed, I had polished my shoes, and looked like a professional. (See example below for grossness of others at West ... fuckin' vile!) Even after all the hubabaloo, when I returned to school, my classmates told me I looked quite spiffy, which made me smile since it was all the cute girls. ~lol!~

Today wasn't a great day as I've hit the realities of not selling my soul, and the foilbes of being a dreamer and not a profiteer to life. I am prostituting my gift of gab that I'd rather spoil my lovers with on the elderly to have them purchase consumable services.

For now I'll just see what happens.

Always,

Julian

p.s. "Enjoy the music ... it's one of the few things that makes me smile."




Adele - Chasing Pavements Lyrics

I’ve made up my mind
don’t need to think it over
if I’m wrong i am right
don’t need to look no further
this ain’t lust i know this is love

but if i tell the world
I’ll never say enough
cos it was not said to you
and thats exactly what i need to do
if i end up with you

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there.
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

i build myself up
and fly around in circles
waiting as my heart drops
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it

or should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place should i leave it there.
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place
should i leave it there

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere

yeaaah ehh

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere
or would it be a waste
even if i new my place should i leave it there

should i give up
or should i just keep on chasing pavements
should i just keep on chasing pavements

ooooohhh

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place
should i leave it there

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where

http://www.musicloversgroup.com/adele-chasing-pavements-video-lyrics-and-review/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz7vGW2_5c0

Dessicated tears

Some days my life feels as if it's spinning out of control, and more than anything, I FUCKIN' LOVE the whilrwind I'm in from day to day. My mind is racing like mad with thoughts as to what I'll do short of prostitution and cyber-begging to maintain my dignity and to stop borrowing money from friends.

Since the university of horse-shit has completely denied my enty in any way I have to have some fucking class to get by in the fall. IF I lose my spot I'll need to reenter and resubmit and reapply for all the crap placements necessary to get in just to fuckin' work like a broke-ass slave for the asswipes at the college & the school I'll be assigned to in the Spring.

GODDAMMIT!!!

I don't want to hear how 'Thing's will come in their time', or 'Patience is a virtue' ... 'Patience my ass, I'm gonna fucking kill something!'

That's my motto.

Gary Jules » Mad World Lyrics

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... world
Enlarge your world
Mad world