Lost Dog - Lost Person (and update/epilogue at bottom)

A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people 

can be persuaded to go for a walk.  

~ O.A. Battista

Above quote found here

My dog hopped the fence this evening when I came home after work.  My family chides me about him always hopping the damned chain-link fence, and his wanderlust.  I'm angry at myself, having been too weak to help tie him out to his tree so he could be safe, or walking him down the road with my other dogs, knowing where he was at all times.

 

I hate that I've been under the scrutiny of the local thugs/gangs, hearing the blasting of raucous music, wishing my German Shepard mutt were home at my feet with my Lab mutt, both gnawing on rawhide chips, watching television with me.

Many people run away or ignore me in my life, and I (in turn) do the same to others.  I think I am a rude, conceited, hurtful person, and maybe that's why I can't have the ones I love the most in my life.  Distance, time, and personal failure and melancholy all anchor me to Texas, and keep me feeling mediocre.

 

Recently, I was at a school with another writer I know, visiting a mutual friend of ours.  When he saw all the kids being receptive to me, he said, "Dude, maybe this is your calling: to be a teacher."

That kinda hurt.

If I wanted that I wouldn't write erotica, or sketch, or take pictures, or voice myself aloud.

I lost my dog today.

I've lost more of me than I can imagine, and it all leave me standing there looking foolish, being hopeful, watching, walking and searching for someone that maybe doesn't want me. 

Just like humans.

Just like lovers.

Just like dreams.

It's 930pm Texas time.

I'll be up in my small living room with my blonde Lab mutt, the one who's been loyal to me, and loves me. 

I just wish I had that other love too.

Maybe this is all I deserve.

I know I wanted to put a collar on someone, and a ring on them.  But that will never happen.

People avoid me for such reasons.  Maybe I have to accept these reasons, or the voice of the universe and stop trying.

Again, too many maybe's.

Adios for now.

******

Epilogue: He's home.  My Shepard mutt is home; he just hopped the fence.  Since I live at the outskirts of the city when he hops a fence he could be in another county in a day.  If he ran in another direction he could be one of the many dead strays I see on the major highways around town.  I am gonna have to try watching him, keeping him close, and (sadly) tying him out for a while just to keep him safe.  Granted that means more walks as a family, but that could be beneficial.  I guess all I can do is to keep trying ... "

"Thanks for listening."

******

p.s. "The above image isn't my dog but one similar.  I can't seem to find his pics on my files, so they could be on a flash drive or my spare drive.  And that's not my subdivision but you can imagine the kind of walking I was doing tonight."

Bytes of Reality (instead of Reality Bytes, that's so trite)

I keep wondering what to share here.  My commentators have come and gone in all forms: former lovers, acquaintances, friends-with-benefits, people passing by, other bloggers, people wondering what the Hell I wrote when I posted the link elsewhere.

Some days I'm not sure if writing anything is a solution to my current life, my current situation, or my current fears.  In working on being honest, one thing people may wonder about is my appearance.  Now some people have met me, and some have met me in real-life.

When I see ASL (age, sex, location) I usually respond: 43, 6'2" Male Hispanic, Latino, Texas ... and in detail ... black hair, brown eyes, dark skin, tall, broad shoulders.

  So what comes up in peoples minds?  Probably something like this:

And in actuality I see something more like this.

Now if you look at both men there's differences.  Antonio Banderas (AB) is a stud; Alfredo Molina (AM) is a dud, or more precisely, a fuddy-duddy.

AB smiles & girls swoon.  AM smiles & scares small children.

AB dances & spins in tailored outfits.  AM wears loose clothing.

AB is shirtless, which makes the audience gasp, even the men.  AM is shirtless, and everyone chuckles, even the men.

AB is an action hero in a movie.  AM is the scientist/lawyer/artist/friend in a movie.

AB gets the girl; even breaking her heart she'll still love his charm.  AM comforts the heartbroken girl; if he breaks her heart he's scolded or chided for being so ruthless.

Since I feel more AM than AB, I limit my images.  I post things, places, moments, but rarely my face.  I posted my cock (don't laugh) on a fetish website and was told "That's not a pretty image."

That's why I'm a little calm about it all; one day maybe ...

For now I'll express myself through my words and keep posting images from time to time.

Maybe I'll be in them one day.

Maybe I'll feel more AB than AM.

~ Adios ~

I Write Like A Girl

So I went visiting one of my favorite blogs & found this link to analyze your blog: http://urlai.com/Default.aspx

And I entered my web address/ URL into the given space (see image above) and found this to be written of me: 

"afare24get.blogspot.com is probably written by a female somewhere between 18-25 years old. The writing style is personal and happy most of the time." 

When these words came up I was flaberghasted!  

I write like a girl!

Zing!

Now last year I lured a young angel into a few heated chats of the most erotic kind, and she wanted to know more.  "Look into my blog," I said.

"Oh Christ," she replied a day later.  "You've got too much madness on your hands & I don't want to deal with that. Sorry but I won't be in touch again."

Maybe I should have taken this analysis a few months AGO to get something like "... is probably written by a grouch between 30-60 years old. The writing style is nihilistic and depressed and this blog should be monitored by Homeland Security."

Personally I thought the Captain America image on my web browser was kinda butch.  Anyway ... here are the results.  Enter your own blog at your own risk.

Blessings.

Julian

Immediate Gratification

Just so you'll know now: if you're ever wondering what I am glancing at, reading, or saving for my own selfish (personal or wicked) needs then all you need do is look here at what caught my eye.

http://twitter.com/afare24get

Or click the image below:

Now my Tweets are protected, so you gotta let me know it's you, one of my faithful readers (or anonymous faithful readers as I like you too) so I can make sure to bring you in to my wicked thoughts and damaged mind.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Bad Chileans

Having lunch with some of the teachers at one of the schools I work at, one of them mentioned, "Did you hear the girlfriend went to visit that miner?"  Now to me that wasn't a big deal, until the words, "Yeah, but the wife's no prize either.  She won't visit him as he ascends.  Said she 'needs to maintain her dignity'."

So I looked on-line with the words Chilean, miner, mistress, girlfriend, wife, rescue and sure enough found the name: Yonni (Jonny) Barrios, a 50 year old miner who, with the others, was trapped underground for 2 months +/- and were recently rescued by a gathered effort of engineers from around the world.

Then I learned there was more than one person with a little love interest going round & round.  

And if you look at the video you're gonna see a very hesitant man kissing the woman he secretly loves/lust for and has caused great ... what's the word? Humiliation? Chaos? Sadness? Anger? Laughter?

As the teachers began telling their tales of woe, and what they'd do with celebrity cheaters like Jesse James or Brad Pitt, Tori Spelling or anyone else causing destruction, I kept wondering, "Why not leave?"

Sometimes, it's the money. Sometimes the promise of anew life. Sometimes it's fear, which is a great motivator. It could be the same reason someone got married in the first place, and now feels obligated or stuck.

I've been here, both ways, and I don't know what to think. Part of me wishes Yonni get the path he wants either with the wife or the mistress, and part of me wants to see if there's gonna be a car-chase or crime of passion.

I don't know where to take this blog tonight, or maybe it's too late & I need some rest before my work day tomorrow. 
All I can say is "Good luck Yonni .. and whomever else is cheating.  
Choose carefully."

For more info try here

Try here too

Here's a timeline with his picture

Yahoo's images from mine here

Last one kissing the g/f

Pulling out

Today, dear readers, I wrote something.  I wrote at least 450 - 550 words for a project I've procrastinated on since earlier this summer.  Someone trusted me, and I poked them in the eye with my laziness and conceit, and I am trying to make amends, finishing what I've started.

Gotta pull my head outta my ass!

Period.

Part of my creativity has been the ego-kisses, the little pats on the back, the acknowledgments that I know what the hell I am doing with words and my imagination.  For sometime I thought that was gone, and I have been on my own self-pitying banquet.

I am still trying very hard to make my dreams occur, to arise and to flourish. But I keep backsliding into the need to hear "You're so damned good Julian" and all the other nonsense which is now holding me back. There are some things I have to accept, some eventualities, and be done.

Move on - fuck off. Come closer again and feel what was once in my heart. I have to keep saying it, because if I don't I'll fall back into my old traps and just ignore the request and promises I made to those loyal to me.

Life isn't gonna change without a little more pain, and life isn't gonna get better without the effort.

So here comes a little more effort.

I was reading a blog and found this song; it made me smile, and I hope it does the same for you.

Lucky Man Lyrics

Artist(Band):The Verve

Happiness

More or less

It's just a change in me

Something in my liberty

Oh, my, my

Happiness

Coming and going

I watch you look at me

Watch my fever growing

I know just where I am

But how many corners do I have to turn?

How many times do I have to learn

All the love I have is in my mind?

But I'm a lucky man

With fire in my hands

Happiness

Something in my own place

I'm stood here naked

Smiling, I feel no disgrace

With who I am

Happiness

Coming and going

I watch you look at me

Watch my fever growing

I know just who I am

But how many corners do I have to turn?

How many times do I have to learn

All the love I have is in my mind?

I hope you understand

I hope you understand

Gotta love that'll never die

Happiness

More or less

It's just a change in me

Something in my liberty

Happiness

Coming and going

I watch you look at me

Watch my fever growing

I know

Oh, my, my

Oh, my, my

Oh, my, my

Oh, my, my

Gotta love that'll never die

Gotta love that'll never die

No, no

I'm a lucky man

It's just a change in me

Something in my liberty

It's just a change in me

Something in my liberty

It's just a change in me

Something in my liberty

Oh, my, my

Oh, my, my

It's just a change in me

Something in my liberty

Oh, my, my

Oh, my, my

Lyrics on this site here

Video here Embedding Disabled

Enjoy.

Very Superstitious

In the past I've written about this wicked device, known as the Magic 8 Ball. This is a small black globe colored like a billiards ball with a number 8 in the middle of a white circle on a black ball.

So tonight I am establishing a Magic 8 Ball for everyone to use as they please whenever they come to this blog. Sadly, it will have some advertising but you get what you pay for, right?




Blogs with the Magic 8 Ball - 01 02

Enjoy & tell me what your future holds when you can.

Always,




Julian