Dia de Los Muertos is a day very special to me. At that time I usually go visit the graves of my family & friends, those who've gone too soon, and those who've given more than they could have ever imagined. All I can do is what is traditionally done: clean graves, say prayers and celebrate.
As I thought about the signicance of the upcoming day, I spied a fairy, dressed in heels, fishnets, a vinyl corset, and a short skirt with crinoline making it puffy, and walking with a little switch in her stp from the cute, young ass beheld in the skirt. But, (no pun intended) she wound up using both hands behind her back to keep the skirt from rising up, and possibly showing us a little more than was intended. This made me chuckle, and I was on the phone with the aforementioned friend watching this young girl traverse the parking lot of the local HEB supermarket.
As I smiled a bit, thinking of the wonders of my past, he said, "I know this is also your time when you wonder about the things that might have been, the things you didn't do, and the moments you've had that changed peoples lives."
I peeked one last time at the skirt, and then I heard, "You saved my life. When you took me to the hospital when I was the most afraid, and stayed with me, that did more than you'll ever know. You really did save my life."
It's kinda nice knowing you do make a difference in the world. Maybe not like you wish but somehow, to someone. It would be nice knowing they all, past and present, miss you; maybe ven as much as you miss them. But that's not always the case.
Last night, as the storms broke and I curled up in bed, I dreamt of being back in the Marine Corp. I failed that venture in life, and I could see a kiss from long ago, another failure, another lure, another road to melancholy.
Last night, as the storms broke and I curled up in bed, I dreamt of being back in the Marine Corp. I failed that venture in life, and I could see a kiss from long ago, another failure, another lure, another road to melancholy.
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test
"Changes" - David Bowie
It's hard some days wanting the best of things, of moments in your life, and I'm trying as hard as possible really move away, more in another direction as quickly as possible. I've tried working on new things, new art, new stories, but I only get a little into them and grow bored quickly and loathe myself for not finishing my projects, no matter who's involved in them.
I posted some poetry recently, and I am posting a new short story; something wickedly infernal that will be my most-displeasing undoing in my life. But hey, you only live once. (I've tried for 'You Only Live Twice' as an axiom, but it doesn't pan out. Or at least, not for me anyway.)
You're words still serenade me,
Your lullabies won't let me sleep
I've never heard such a haunting
Melody. Oh, it's killing me
You know I can barely breathe
Your lullabies won't let me sleep
I've never heard such a haunting
Melody. Oh, it's killing me
You know I can barely breathe
The Crow & the Butterfly - Shinedown
Finishing a few things, and trying not to shame myself is my latest goal. Not in the sense that I am going to shame myself by doing something vulgar: that's the least of my worries. I mean, by finishing something great, even if it is a little wicked and unruly. I'd love to see a book on the shelves at the store, a worn copy in a thrift store, the corners used and run down, showing me someone loved my words so much, they couldn't help but reread it as often as possible. It's like looking at some pictures or hearing a song you love: the thought of it never goes away.
And I have a lot to smile about ... few regrets, new goals, dreams always on the edge of tipping me over or completion. Let's see which was we go.
And I have a lot to smile about ... few regrets, new goals, dreams always on the edge of tipping me over or completion. Let's see which was we go.
Pray for the ones you miss, and remember the ones you love.
Always,
~ j ~
1 comment:
You make me smile.
I can't wait to read more of your poetry and the upcoming short story.
xoxo
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