Why me, God?
I am more awake today than I’ve ever been in life. I wonder if God exist, or even listens? Maybe if he’s there I’m just a bad son and unworthy of His love and assistance. Maybe I never deserved it. All my life I have been pained and saddened with guilt and an inability to be successful or genuinely happy. And in the moments I do have I am cut short, made sadder and almost suicidal.
· My cousin got sick & died. No miracle there, even after all the suffering she endured.
· I cheated on one of my wives; she still wanted me back and I continued my pattern of madness.
· I have a small series of peeks at my stories. No honest interest. Nothing to make me noticeable.
· One woman crosses into my life in a way I can’t imagine, and I can’t even enjoy my fleeting (and singular) moment with her.
· My personal depression and sadness goes on unabated.
· My self-esteem is held in check, and spins like a turd down the toilet.
· I want to cry often, and hold back my tears with lust and perversions.
· I’m fat and ugly. You can’t fight that combination.
Does He exist, or am I not allowing Him to touch me? Am I repellent to Him as to the people I love or choose? I may be crying, and maybe the tears will bring a clarity to my eyes that I can’t see yet.
Maybe.
~ j ~
http://www.everystudent.com/
http://www.gotquestions.org/
http://www.atheist.net/
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/
http://www.sciforums.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment