Failure

I just learned I failed my certification test to become a teacher here in Texas.

So I hate myself.

I also hate my life.

My dreams feel like they're dying like me.

My world is spinning out of control and I can't stop it.

And for some reason I can't have the things or people or dreams I WANT! I HAVE to fuckin' settle for the secondary dreams of mediocrity and self-loathing.

I'll try not to slit my wrist tonight.

Just kidding. That's the drama queen in me crying out to God about the way my summer has gone & I don't know what to do or think any longer. I'm confused and unhappy. Little makes me happy any more.

Ciao.

Julian

p.s. "Thanks for listening. Sometimes someone listening is so very important even when the whisper is tiny and soft. Sometimes that's when you can hear the Voice of God. I just don't know if God hears my voice any longer or if He's turned a deaf ear to all my boring, self-centered complaints."