Steel Dragon

Lyrics Steel Dragon - We All Die Young lyrics

Steel Dragon - We All Die Young lyrics

http://www.stlyrics.com/index.htm - home page

My Personal Award

Congratulations your a REAL Slut! Your definitely not going to lose it becuase you sure are using it! Your Motto: "The More I Drink The Better She Looks! Your Sign: "Double Bag It!" * Don't forget to pratice SAFE SEX! Take The Slut Quiz Now!

"Slut Quiz - Men" is available here ***starXtest v2.0***

Hustle & Flow 2 the Leap of Faith

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Leap of Faith

I am student teaching, and I am unhappy. I can be a good teacher, and I can be a good student but I don't think I'll ever be happy doing this job. And I literally mean, 'a job' ... a fuckin' job.

It's not joyous, I am not going to live for long, and I plan to live a LONG fuckin' life and have the thrills of a lifetime.

I need to live my life as I want, not as I need. I complain often and crush my hopes and desires with the impossiblities first, fantasizing and thinkin' about 'what could be if God did this for me' and accepting that this is te only way things will happen for my life & dreams: 'Divine Intervention'.



No more.

No fuckin' more!

Jump!

JUMP!!

I must take the last step, the leap-of-faith, or I'll never have children, joy or honesty and love in my life.

I hae to do what I Love as much as I have to do what it takes to make it all come true.

Recently I've been told that I am very much depressed, and I know that I am just dissatisfied with where the road is taking me. Maybe I need to follow what Frost called "The Road Not Taken", and see where I go with this path.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost (1915)

http://poetrypages.lemon8.nl/life/roadnottaken/roadnottaken.htm - poem

http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~wldciv/world_civ_reader/world_civ_reader_2/frost_road.html - poem analysis

"EVERYBODY GOT TO HAVE A DREAM." ~ DJay: [at the end of the movie, when walking back to his cell]

I know that I've already acted in small movies, and I love writing, teaching and creating. One of the greatest joys I ever had was the coffe house program with the kids from my church; a friend of mine told me how he did so 'impersonation is the greatest form of flattery', and I did the same thing with my class.

It worked, and I loved it.

It gave me the chance to showcase and it gave me the chance to showcase others.

I want that again.

Dreams have to happen soon - or I am going to die without ever making a smile happen or a dream wake to the sunrise.

Move foward, don't look back.





Julian

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http://www.geocities.com/madameinternational/changedmuhname.mp3





Jennifer Bynum - Changed Mah Name

IF HE CHANGED MAH NAME
Traditional Negro Spiritual
As sung by Benjamin Matthews (Opera Ebony)

I told Jesus it would be all right if He changed mah name, changed mah name.
I told Jesus it would be all right if He changed mah name, changed mah name.
I told Jesus it would be all right if He changed mah name, changed mah name.

Jesus told me I'd-a have to live humble if he changed mah name, changed mah name.
Jesus told me I'd-a have to live humble if he changed mah name, changed mah name.
Jesus told me I would have to live humble if he changed mah name, changed mah name.

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=79663 - lyrics

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Terrence Howard (DJay) Feat. Taraji P. Henson (Shug) -

It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp Lyrics

[Chorus 2X: Shug - singing] + (Djay)
You know it's hard out here for a pimp (you ain't knowin)
When he tryin to get this money for the rent (you ain't knowin)
For the Cadillacs and gas money spent (you ain't knowin)
[1] Because a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain't knowin)
[2] Will have a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain't knowin)

[Djay]
In my eyes I done seen some crazy thangs in the streets
Gotta couple hoes workin on the changes for me
But I gotta keep my game tight like Kobe on game night
Like takin from a ho don't know no better, I know that ain't right
Done seen people killed, done seen people deal
Done seen people live in poverty with no meals
It's fucked up where I live, but that's just how it is
It might be new to you, but it's been like this for years
It's blood sweat and tears when it come down to this shit
I'm tryin to get rich 'fore I leave up out this bitch
I'm tryin to have thangs but it's hard fo' a pimp
But I'm prayin and I'm hopin to God I don't slip, yeah

[Chorus]

[Djay]
Man it seems like I'm duckin dodgin bullets everyday
Niggaz hatin on me cause I got, hoes on the tray
But I gotta stay paid, gotta stay above water
Couldn't keep up with my hoes, that's when shit got harder
North Memphis where I'm from, I'm 7th Street bound
Where niggaz all the time end up lost and never found
Man these girls think we prove thangs, leave a big head
They come hopin every night, they don't end up bein dead
Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too
You pay the right price and they'll both do you
That's the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin
Gotta have my hustle tight, makin change off these women, yeah

[Chorus]

[Thanks to lordof4square@aol.com, sweet2beknown@yahoo.com for lyrics]

http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/hustle&flow/itshardouthereforapimp.htm

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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0410097/ - Hustle & Flow movie website

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Spring Break 2009

Happiness & Joy Everyone - I am grading papers and working on lesson plans for next week & month in preparing for graduation.






Dude Picks On Girl And Gets Owned - Watch more Fights





Multiple Girl Cat Fight - Watch more Funny Videos

I hope you my friends also have a wonderful Spring Break away from children, people and things that annoy the ungodly shit out of you.

I am trying to be less of a dick so you're not finding me here as often but I am trying to be good - wish me luck.

Blessings,

Julian

p.s. "The videos are similar to the things that happen at my school - it's not the school I am teaching in but very much like it."

$10 Absolution

I don't have a lot of money, and I am working hard to make my student teaching a success, and I wish I had more money or balls, so I need to stretch what little there is ...

~sigh!~

I was hunting for a chance to pay back some people when I ran to an ATM on the cool, relaxed Sunday afternoon. I was thinking 'Dammit, I really need more money', and was glad that I had the money in my pocket & account at that moment.

And then ... she walked up. The $10 & $20 bills just exited the machine when I drove out of the shade of the awning of the bank, and as I eased into the exiting driveway, I saw a woman rushing up, slumped shoulders, watching me, seeing me and waving, signalling, saying "Excuse me ... sir, excuse me."

Fuck.

She wore a purple tracksuit, no make-up, African-American about 40+ years of age, and holding a large purse with sneakers to match the outfit. I kept my window rolled up, but she basically walked into the locked door of the car, tapping the window with long nails.

"Excooze me sirrah", she softly lilted at me, as if working to be kind or calm, "but my car broke down and I am parked at the apartments around the corner."

She spoke to me through the glass.

Honestly, I didn't give a shit and if her foot wasn't under my tires so close to my door, but I didn't feel like being sued for trying to run her down.

(I know deep inside it's bad to think like that but I'm student-teaching FOR FUCKIN' FREE, meaning I make lesson plans, work in classes, grade papers, and do it all from 745am to 430pm every day of the week without any monetary compensation; I'm being paid in experience.

BULLSHIT!!)

I hate student teachings' rules, and as you saw in some of my previous blogs, some younger students than myself have been exempted from teaching, so I have a great deal of heartbreak and loathing inside myself.

Thus ... being a little shrewish about my dwindling money makes me shiver, but it's what I guess someone else asked of me.

She looked as if she may begin hyperventilating, and then in small soft sobs, said "I just need to get out to Brook Hollow and I need money to get there ... by bus, or cab."A beat, and she said "I'd be willing to do almost anything ... to get home."

She WAS NOT pretty in any way. She was plain, a shade under ugly, and the sobbing and noise didn't help me; I was not gonna seek something that I should have sought: a blowjob.

Did she apprach me because I came out of the bank? Did she see the money on my car seat?

It was an actual temptation, to seek a hummer as I drove this ugly woman home across town, or just a hand-job. But I figured that I didn't need to risk anything with an unknown like her, and GOD she wasn't pretty.

I suddenly began wondering "Gee, where's my 'Letters to Penthouse' moment with a woman?", and why aren't my charity cases bisexual with fake tits and a willingness to be photographed like a HUSTLER vcenterfold with their toy collection or just for my lurid obscene imagination.
Then I figured, maybe ... maybe a sinner needs to pay for his sins. Sadly, as I had just exited the ATM, the smallest bill I had was a $10 bill.

~Sigh!~

So, after the self-loathing and internal grossness of the woman overtook me, I pushed a $10 bill into her outstretched hand, remarking she'd better be taking a bus down on the corner VERY soon to at least get around town.

Her clothing was clean; she had a purse, jewelry, a cell phone, friends, a car, and the fuckin' BALLS to ask (and hope for) a hand-out from a stranger, ending our transation with "God Bless you", as if that would relinquish my need or internal inferiority or personal angst or sadness.
I'm not driving a sports car, nor wearing designer clothes, nor eating steak dinners every night with lobster as a side. But I am able to have a little more, and to be able to give something to someone who may need or want a little for their lacking.

That was last Sunday February 15, 2009.

THIS fuckin' Sunday, after I had lunch, a cripple rolled up to me, holding his body, exiting his car, also asking me for a hand-out. Part of my inner darkened soul tells me it's hard to think about someone having the courage to ask for money, and the other part of me says 'Don't part with a fuckin' red cent; you don't have that many of them you fat bastard!'

He was missing his lower teeth, and told me a story about just needing $2 for a gallon of gas to get him a few miles down the road to the Palo Alto subdivision, because of his treatment for something or for visiting someone sick in the hospital blah, blah, blah-blah!

I gave him $5 ... never thinking twice about it.

~pause~

Am I a fuckin' idiot? Or just a fool? Why isn't one of my phone lovers living nearby where I can have the leisure of her lust satisfying my mutual desire for her?

Why should I be good? I loathe being 'good'.

Bleah!

A Small Level of Fear

Fear factors are setting in with the last days of my being a student teacher, or a student-anything for that matter. I am scared, fucking scared that I will never be good enough for the kids or for my 'profession'. Maybe I don't belong here. Teachers are to be trusted, and I was an expelled used car salesman living a fradulent life.

"So one day I'm taking a piss and think to meself: 'Oi, this is it. I'm married, got a bit of schoolin', and a job.' So I decide at that point to walk away. Just left 'er there with a half-eaten steak an' kidney pie, waiting for me." - Rock Star (2000)

Am I in the same place? I asked for her to do nothing but exhude heat, to be there, nothing more. My nights' sleep was fuckin' horrible, and I claimed the couch to be near my dog as a rousting of the strays went through the neighborhood, all of them barking out their territory, claiming the homes, porches, yards and vacant lots around my apartment while arousing my dog to hold the claim she has to my duplex apartment. It was intermitten, like sporadic gunfire, a bark-bark here, and so forth from 1:30am to 4:30 (or so) in the morning.

I am not happy, not in any way. I am a restrained hedonist, struggling against my bonds and my fears, dying to be more than I am today. I fight inside myself to keep from growing like a virus within the ideals of my community, unable to will myself to keep from buggering the young ones or killing off the idiots in a type of humanitarian anti-intelligence-genocide/mass murder. Idiots need to die. Fools need to be sold for their weight in meat.

I need to leave.

This is my cultural dead weight, and I don't think that I am ever gonna do anyone any good here in the state of Texas.

The fuckin' university sent me to the wrong study session for my PPR.

I need to be here for 6-hours PER STATE LAW and I am languishing here scribbling my blog and waiting to see what's gonna happen next.

"Elvira, obey me; and I will love you." - Christopher Walken "Man on Fire"

I graduate in May 2009. I won't be elidgible for ANY fuckin' job for the fall because of this testing crap and I am going to spin about making myself dizzy and sad, internally, feeling my heart collapse, and wishing I could be something more than I am today.

I always wanted to write & draw, and I can't, and I can't be successful at it. If I do something truly abstract it's given to detractors or people don't understand it. And if I do something primative, it's took smacking of realism, and anything realistic has the touch of a cartoonist; I can't win no matter what my fuckin' medium is and I am sad thinking about those thoughts.

I FEEL RIDICULOUS!!!

I've been in this lab for over 2 hours and I have nothing to show for it; noone's able to help me and I can't get a password that works in any way.

Part of me wants to cry. The other part wants to balance my checkbook & shop some more on eBay. I don't know which of these halves to follow in all honesty.

The 'professor' who was going to aid me with putting me onto the proper computer service has not come up andher Saturday class ends in 30 minutes, thus my morning has been wasted. I COULD have returned to bed, maybe entered into some meaningless, dissatisfying sex making someone else happy, but instead I am here, pounding my complaints into notepad, wishing for more than I am today.

No machine gun in my grips - I can't mow down my fears, small, large or imaginary. All I can do is hope and keep trying to do something worthwhile with my time and pray to the gods of schooling that somehow ALL this will be fuckin' resolved one day soon.

Lunch time; I think I'll balance my checkbook, maybe get a burger and a beer, and relax, thinking about what may have been or what could be something ... great, if possible.

I still want to cry.

- just not now, not here.


~ j ~

epilogue: 'The professor apologized & let me know that I can have a password to do my work later. Thus my Saturday WAS shot to fuckin' hell."

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http://www.muni.org/animal/animal.cfm - barking dog image
http://balaarjunan.wordpress.com/2007/07/22/stay-away-stray-dogs-there/ - stray dog images
http://www.bhutanobserver.bt/2008/featured-stories/05/1444.html - Group dogs image
http://www.centerplayers.org/men%20are%20dogsPAST.shtml - men are dogs image
http://www.bustedcoverage.com/2009/02/03/because-youve-been-waiting-on-new-photos-of-tim-tebow-and-bikini-chicks/ - idiocy
http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/category/celebrities/ - Hmmm ...
http://ahrp.blogspot.com/2007/02/nation-deranged-fda-approves-reconcile.html - Hmmm ...
http://3linesabout.blogspot.com/2008/03/straw-dogs-1971.html - Straw Dogs
http://www.erichufschmid.net/TFC/Bollyn_abused_by_Zionist_Gang.html - trippy; see badge art
http://www.fmft.net/archives/cat_military.html - check out these amazing pics; WOW!!

Weekend Celebrations

Celebrating Friday the 13th

Today I was rethinking my day with my students on Friday, and I realized I had truly celebrated Friday the 13th. Why? Because everyone was dressed in some variant of black, red or maroon, showing leg, cleavage or skin to attract or connect even temporarily.

Ahh ... young love. I remember that once long ago.

So, as a counter to the day I sketched a quick cartoon of Jason Vorhees and tossed it up on the dry-erase board, celebrating Friday the 13th. I was given some slightly quizzical looks and a few shy-eyed glances, but nonetheless I was not chased out of the room with books being tossed at me, flaming torches & pitch-forks being wielded by the 'angry mob'. Actually, some of the kids went to the front of the room, snapped pictures, and smiled at me.

I guess that's what comes from teaching an Honor's GT class; higher-order thinking, a sense of humor, and noone fussing or griping about being (even) slightly offended. So, I guess I lucked out in having them as my class.

Now you know I am teaching teenagers this semester, and I am trying not to drool like a hungry monster at a buffet, or any guy visiting the Playboy mansion for the first time; I think I held quite good restraint, as some of my students gave me treats, smiles and hugs for the day. And luckily, nothing popped out that should have been covered so I had a good day.

I was also told the current principal, has no plans for allowing school dances or anything in that after-hours vein for the kids. Granted, this allows for them to find unsupervised mischief, but it does place the onus of chaperoning & wondering on the parent and not the school, so that's not too bad for the event of the day.

Anyway ... Happy Friday the 13th.

I ... I mean Valentine's Day.

Always,




~ j ~


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine - Little history

http://www.history.com/minisites/valentine/ - Little more from someone more reputable

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_the_13th - NOT the movie

http://urbanlegends.about.com/cs/historical/a/friday_the_13th.htm - A little more

http://www.snopes.com/luck/friday13.asp - And on top of that ... ;-)