A Chat from the Past - BBGVE

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I Wanna Be A Cowboy - I Mean Ron Jeremy - reprinted

Now when I was a boy I know that San Antonio's Aztec theater downtown was a former single-screen divied into three rooms showing grindhouse flicks in the mid-70's & 80's. They showed chop-sockey's, soft-core porn and thrid-rate flicks for $5, which was in 1985 money. Now they'd be allowing entrance for about $10 for the same kind of double-features of sex & violence, skipped sporockets and burns on the screen and everything else just like always. ~lol~ Sadly, as a boy sheltered in his religion and zeal I also knew where all these dingy little ratholes were from bus trips and the older driving boys in my high school.

(And if you're wondering that's a photo-Polaroid of Marilyn Chambers at the Dove theater in the midwest during her cross-country touring of the movie "Insatiable" which I just got on DVD from a friend of mine as a gift.)
And yes, I visted them even under-age.

I was sooooo bad.
In fact, I also knew that next to the best sandwich shop on Broadway (It had no a/c & the owner smoked over the counter), but there was a porno theater which mainly consisted of a girl (or old man) at a booth taking $5 for a folding seat and passage through a small door with a diamond piece of glass and a large scary-looking man waiting on a stool with his arms crossed. Very scary ...

Why am I telling these stories now?
Because as I grow older I have to allow the hedonism to drip out of me like a slow-bleeding wound and watch live in this town (and many across America) become more generic and flaccid. I mean fucking dull. I doubt that Houston has any more edge of excitement than Iowa does, and I was just there a few years ago. Maybe, to bide my wickedness I need to slip & slide in the pages of swingers magazines & follow the temptations around the country seeing what mischief I can make before my time ends.

Am I that afraid of time at the age of 40? is 40 really the new 30, as the worlds' media hypes for the relevancy of the cougars chasing down young stupid actors while plastically-holding out their surgically enhanced figures in their late 20's? I wish I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now. I'd warn my past-self that his indecisiveness and fear-factors are nothing in life. He should not have feared honesty, or rejection, or stayed cocooned in despair and sadness, crying into his pillows or angrily drinking himself into a few accident and fights and escapes. He just needs to LIVE!
And now I am trying to do this ... now moreso than ever.
Hopefully I'll slip away from my own conceit and make a smile of my life ... a dream come true.
Hopefully you will to my friends & angels.
Always,

~jules~
Hopefully this video will make you smile, giggle and run your heart a little faster.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rcgm5kEdGk - Cowboy (enhanced video)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5T3efSH6NU - Kid Rock's Cowboy


"Cowboy"

Cowboy...Cowboy
Well I'm packing up my game and I'm a head out west
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts
Find a nest in the hills chill like Flynt
Buy an old drop top find a spot to pimp
And I'm a Kid Rock it up and down your block
With a bottle of scotch and watch lots of crotch
Buy a yacht with a flag sayin' chilling the most
Then rock that bitch up and down the coast
Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars
Get thrown in the mix and tossed out of bars
Then to Tijuana... I wanna roam
Find Motown and tell them fools to come back home
Start an escort service, for all the right reasons
And set up shop at the top of four seasons
Kid Rock and I'm the real McCoy
And I'm headin' out west sucker...because I wanna be a
Cowboy baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy baby
West coast chilling with the Boone's Wine
I wanna be a Cowboy baby
Riding at night cause I sleep all day
Cowboy baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away
I bet you'll hear my whistle blowing when my train rolls in
It goes (whistle) like dust in the wind
Stoned pimp, stoned freak, stoned out of my mind
I once was lost, but now I'm just blind
Palm trees and weeds, scabbed knees and rice
Get a map to the stars, find Heidi Fleiss
And if the price is right I'm gonna make my bid boy
And let Cali-for-ny-aye know why they call me
Cowboy baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy baby
West coast chilling with the Boone's Wine
I wanna be a Cowboy baby
Riding at night cause I sleep all day
Cowboy baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away
Yeah...Kid Rock...you can call me Tex
Rollin sunset woman with a bottle of Becks
Seen a slimy in a vette, rolled down my glass
And said, Yeah this dick fits right in your ass
No kidding, gun slinging, spurs hitting the floor
Call me Hoss, I'm the Boss, with the sauce in the horse
No remorse for the sheriff, in his eye I ain't right
I'm gonna paint his town red, and paint his wife white HUH
Cause chaos, rock like Amadeus
Find West Coast pussy for my Detroit players
Mack like mayors, ball like Lakers
They told us to leave, but bet they can't make us
Why they wanna pick on me...lock me up and snort away my key
I ain't no G, I'm just a regular failure
I ain't straight outta Compton I'm straight out the trailer
Cuss like a sailor...drink like a Mick
My only words of wisdom are just, Radio Edit
I'm flicking my Bic up and down that coast and
Keep on trucking until it falls in the ocean
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy
Spend all my time at Hollywood and Vine
Cowboy
Riding at night cause I sleep all day
Cowboy
I can smell a pig from a mile away
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy

Let's See How Long I Last Here - reprint

Guess Yahoo Does NOT LIKE MY Pictures...  ~lmao~

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Being Bad this Year - reprint

Again, my fears are touching my shoulders as the background screenings go deeper into my past & I withhold more than I should some days. And since I am not Larry Flynt or Hugh Hefner I can't afford to live a hedonistic life.

I just posted my latest story at Literotica's website as was bashed for the fantasy of this writing by some narrow-minded, needle-dicked bugfucker! Pissed me off to NO end!

But people are entitled to their opinions and I can't argue this in the least considering what & how I write. Maybe I need to broaden my horizons and look further into the future AWAY from teaching & public life and sink quietly into a more eric Stanton, Bill Ward kind of foray with my art & writing.

Just spouting ... will write something meaningful later on. Thanks for listening!

Jules

Why Isn't Life Like the Movies? - Reprint

(Begun December 12, 2007 - ended today)
It's drizzling, cold and grey here in San Antonio, and a warm comforter, goose-down or soft, willing flesh would make my day better. "You Only Live Twice" is on my DVD player, as I came in late when it was on satellite, and nothing else good was on, so here we are, watching & playing it. Bond has just taken a new (pretend) wife after his lover was killed - Poisoned!- by an assassin. My favorite part is the climax, where Bond & a group of grey-clad commandoes slide down a volcano tunnel to fight the bad guys bringing the world onto the brink of war. (God, the Cold War seems like such a distant memory now. Russia has been found in debt, incompetent and losing control of the people they once ruled with an Iron Fist. Villainy is not as clear-cut as before, the stop and need for a resolution is gone, and everyone fights to be #1, not working with others. Cooperation and companionship
is an ancient desire ruled by old men such as myself and my old dreams.

And yet I am a hedonist deep in my heart. Deep in my soul I know that I am a deviate, a perv, and not wanting to change. Like drugs or alcohol, sex and my nasty little moments all fill the sense of lonliness that makes me smile before I despair again.)

~Sigh!~

Why don't we have a soundtrack for our moments and minutia and control the chaos with a few weeks of learning of our problem, even with the fast-track montage of time passing quickly? I want to see my chaos & interruptions resolved quickly, without a mess (or taxes) and for little to know effort. I want to wakl away from everything smelling like roses and not look back. But I know that I can't and I will have something occur, from the taxman to the need to be good.

I'm through with standing in line
To clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

Rockstar lyrics - Nickleback

WHY be good?! Why not hide my conscience? After all, isn't being good just a shallow way for the whining to cloud my better choices? I mean, turning the other cheek, does that make my life richer? Does it bring me out of hock? Pay my credit card bills? Make my Blondie find small gifts at her crate, and my friends find presents in their pockets and on their dashboards and at their schools and homes? We all deserve fresh flowers, to breathe calm air and to giggle often and not wonder where our money will come from day by day.

Can I hang my pictures in a small gallery as examples and be able to make sales for portraits? Simple, quick, warm, and people want more More MORE - of them for linging my pockets and making my days easier and my worry disappear? Maybe a little cyber-begging would turn the key for me; sympathy for the Loser. Is that so ridiculous? I guess that's why I love watching movies while I write: white noise, something to filter out the din of 'doing right' ... and I get a good laugh knowing ALL these idiotic characters will suddenly find their way out of their predicament in less than 20 days, or in movie time, 40 minutes. It doesn't matter what ludicriuos amount of money you need, it WILL be grasped/won/stolen/found and noone will be the wiser or unnnerved or unchanged by it, except in doing good.

I present the following fallicies of fiction:

* Just My Luck - Lindsay Lohan follows her inborn lucky streak by kissing all the guys she met at a party after losing her luck to one of them. In the end she gets the guy, her luck, and a slip of happiness with the geek in the movie. "In reality those girls NEVER go out with guys like me."

* Uptown Girls - Hillary & Halie Duff lose their fortune and their homes and find themselves lost amid working stiffs, wanna-be's, and without the where-with-all to continue their lifestyle until they are rediscovered and a fortune hits them. "Working for a living? These pampered princesses would have found themselves among the other singel-moms and naieve babes all swinging around the same brass pole or hoping to snag a better 'husband'/'daddy' figure for their caretaking and welfare."

* Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead - Christina Applegate has to care for her younger siblings after the baby-sitter dies and they bury her with all the money mom left them for the summer. In the end, she earns respect, admiration, and a better relationship with her mother. "In reality the children would have gone into prositution, drugs and to Child Welfare. What a fuckin' joke!"

* Dodge Ball - A gym owner (lacking any tone & definition on his body) finds himself in need of $50,000 before the end of the month to keep his gym from being closed and bought by a conglomerate wanting to be rid of it. He wins a dodge-ball tounrnament to get the
prize-money! "Why isn't there a cyber-sex for-money website for women longing for men?"

"Hello. I'm calling about a personal matter. Please call back at 1-800 .... * and use the number 5002**", said the electronic, high-pitched droning voice on the answering machine. Meaning I owe someone money.

.....
I think that's why I'll go in the following direction and see the pessimistic (and sometimes redemptive) but more realistic idea(s) instead in movies:

* Dead Presidents - in the end you WILL get caught, no matter the measures!
* A Clockwork Orange - in the end noone really changes, no matter the reformation.
* Caligula - in the end you WILL die no matter how you lived.
* The Devil in Miss Jones - in the end nooone is REALLY satisfied.
* The Wild Bunch - in the end you might take your friends with you if you fuck up that badly.

Maybe I need to do something more. Leave here, write more, calm down, use my Myspace & Multiply accounts more often and send people around, redirecting them to the words I am trying to get imagined into my life. Too many maybes ... a lot of gambling. I lose, and I lose more than I've ever lost before. One of my friends here asked me if I had any addictions.
I do:

- Drinking excessivesly to the point of blackouts & memory loss.
- Gambling, whether cards, horses or even Lotto. Always a get-rich scheme.
- Sex, as I am hedonistically inclined, and WILL cheat, no matter how amazing she (or he) is with me.
- Violence, as I don't go looking for trouble but id DOES find me.

Just gotta try, right?

Thanks for listening.

~j~

Usually in Life I'm the Punisher - try it for yourself - REPRINT

Your results:
You are Apocalypse

Apocalypse 91% Venom 88% Riddler 85% Magneto 83% Dr. Doom 81% Lex Luthor 73% Juggernaut 69% Mystique 69% The Joker 67% Dark Phoenix 67% Kingpin 66% Catwoman 64% Mr. Freeze 64% Two-Face 61% Green Goblin 49% Poison Ivy 46%

You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz...

And To Think That I Saw It - reprint

Well ... the things we see when we're on the road. I had to look twice to see if it was what I thought it was - yup. A lace thong hanging from a nail on the corner of a busy street.

Wow. And I thought I was crazy.

Jules