Thursday, November 18, 2010

Belonging

I've always been kinda on the outside of things.  In all honesty I am damned lucky I got laid, and losing my virginity was to a girl looking for a revenge fuck, a grudge lay to even out her feelings of rejection.

(I still haven't found a way to do that for my feelings of rejection, but that's another story.)  After that I married that girl for a few years.  When she was done with me, my money and my hopes, I went celibate for 6 years, which, in retrospect, should have been when I was looking for every one night stand possible.



Instead I held on to my dreams.  And now that's all I have is those dreams.  I'm a substitute teacher, but it's not gonna pay the Texas Student Loan people back soon, and I can be modest until I make those damned dreams come true.

Today, at the inner city school I mentioned earlier this week, I was asked at the last second, to see if I'd like to come to the after-school luncheon for the staff.  Sadly, the counselor that invited me over wasn't around, so I was uncertain where or who to eat with, and no one was saying, "Mr. G, come sit here with us."



So I picked up a plate, made small talk with some of the staff, and sat alone.  As I finished my meal, one of the other ELA teachers, Mrs. Reyes, called me over.  "Hey, here's some of the other staff on your floor."

My name made the rounds, hands were shook, and I smiled politely.  It was a charity bone, a pity bone, but I took it.  Everyone knows me, but since this is a new site, everyone's still got a little distance for me.  They don't know me, or my zombie phobia, or that I collect action figures, abhor shaving, know the difference between Dr. Pepper & Mr. Pibb, and go to church despite my knowledge of the future, and more than likely, my damnation. 

But in all honesty, I am a bit of an isolationist.  I think if I were to make millions on my writing, I'd be hiding in my mansion like Howard Hughes, saving my excrement, keeping my nails as long as freak show carny, and possibly, not knowing what got me there or why.

The cosmic joke: make millions & hide versus doing something good with it all besides paying my bills.

I may be here for a few more weeks, and I doubt I'll make friends worthy of a Christmas card.

But I know the friends I want, and the feelings I hide.

One day I could become socially grown, instead of emotionally stunted.

Anything's possible.

But there's time.




Good night for now.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It's not a tumor!!


THIS is the substitute I wish I were:

Lisa's Substitute Pictures, Images and Photos

But that ain't the truth. Last week while I was at the local high school the kids texted & Tweeted me out to their friends, telling them I was on campus.


Among the 6th graders I feel like this, but they are getting their lessons done as much as I am teaching or giving them lessons.

So far I've been successful.

A substitute Pictures, Images and Photos

It's not a gallery in SoHo or downtown LA but it'll do for now.

Kindergarten Cop Pictures, Images and Photos

Let's just keep going. Next week is Thanksgiving break - hopefully flying in another direction.

Hopefully doing something amazing with my time off.

Ciao.

The Substitute Pictures, Images and Photos

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Early Morning Madness

I'm gonna be off nights gang/dear readers, for a bit. I've been asked to challenge & educate a few classes of primates (meaning 6th graders) who've chased off every substitute teacher in the last week. They've made no progress, had no grades and been destroying the classroom of an injured teacher.

Sadly, his return is a mystery, and I am a controlling SOB and a good teacher, but lacking my certification. (Those attempts were mentioned in my previous blogs this summer & last fall 2009)



I will be teaching 6th grade in an inner-city school, famed for it's gang problems and broken families. I may be teaching in 2 (two) languages, so there could be a LOT of chaos coming my way this week. In the morning I'll stop at Wal-Mart for a few packs of pens, some notebook paper and folders. Since I'll be there either a week, a month or the rest of the school year, I gotta be ready for anything ... even if it means turning the reins over to a 'certified teacher'.

Right now I gotta make those kids successful.

And I've gotta get to bed, get some rest, and think about my lesson plan and what I need to make my days happen.

There is one thing I know I'll be carrying in my pocket when I go, just like when I was student teaching:



It was a special item then, it's still special now.

Good night everyone.

More later.

Promise.

p.s. "If you want to see the coolest Alphabet ABC's, then follow this link here!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

An Immodest Proposal


Author’s Note: I am not taking sides, or trying to create a response/forum for this subject.  I am just letting you who read my blog know what I see, what I think, what I feel and where some (though few) of my limits in life are and what actually makes me pause.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.

Jonathan Swift – A Modest Proposal (1729)

I was told tonight about a book called “The Pedophile’s Guide to Love & Pleasure” by an author named Phillip R. Greaves 2nd, who’s also published a few books about politics or conspiracies.   His other books combined don’t have as many reviews/complaints as this one tome, which looks like either a technical book to avoiding law enforcement or making a group like NAMBLA something worthwhile, which is an impossibility.  And, NAMBLA still has a current web page and a Wiki page.

(And I just noticed that my browser is moving a little slower than before.  Has the FBI found me?  Do they think I’m a pedophile?  Are they gonna raid my house at dawn?  Should I pull down my blog?)

For one book, that’s 2,500 +/- comments, ratings, and complaints.  People were/are/or have been threatening to remove their accounts from Amazon & buy elsewhere.  With the availability of eBay, Borders and anything else in between, that could hurt them if they actually commit themselves to this action.

But then again, I’m not too sure what to think of this writer.  I saw the title of his other book, and there’s a misspelling ON the cover.  At the same time, Amazon has come out stating they’re (trying) to make sure censorship is not the issue.  After all you really can’t fault someone for bad taste.

I’m sure Bukowski, Thompson, Burgess, Bradbury, Faulkner and many, many other will offend.  Middle America and creativity will never see eye-to-eye, but then again, some people hate Catholics, Wiccans, and even those not taking a side on anything.

So how are people picking & choosing their protest?  And if you’re trying to fight corruption, why aren’t you voting or creating a revolution in the streets?  Where’s the vigilante justice or the lynch mob, or even the angry mob wielding torches?

Are we gonna choose sides?  Are we gonna point out, they’re right, you’re wrong; I’m right, screw you?  Is that what we’ve come to with this crappy book?  I think in some ways this harkens back to the old days of blank storefronts with a neon sign saying “Adult Books” and you scanning the streets to see if anyone spots you rushing out of the place with a brown paper bag.

What are the evils we need to fight?  What are the monsters we should chase down with a big stick & bludgeon?  Have you hidden your copy of the Anarchist Cookbook, or skipped voting, or ran the speed limit, or looked too long in one direction, maybe longing for something you don’t need or shouldn’t have, be it a moral, logical or social obligation?

I think Amazon made a mistake in putting this there or even allowing it to be found by people who don’t know what it contains.  According to the author, it’s a series of guidelines for pedophiles, such as there would be a guideline for attack and limits between sharks and swimmers.

It’s idiotic, and I don’t think it’s social commentary or redeeming in any way.  But if he publishes it he should be responsible for its’ content.  If this is his Utopia, then he needs to be ready for the lawsuits if someone uses it like a step-by-step guide or for any madness and public scorn. 

But send it elsewhere.  I doubt anyone would take this seriously; if they do it’s probably been secretly written by the NBC Dateline team so they can keep filming idiots chasing children in chatrooms looking to humiliate themselves nationally.  And if you’re damned stupid enough to chase children, you should be tarred and feathered.  Fantasy, no worries.  Reality – that’s asking for a bullet in the ass.


If you look at some of the older (vintage) books published up until the 80’s you’ll find some of these same characters drawn into them: the child who seduces, the overdeveloped teen, and so forth.  But they’re all products of fantasy and imagination.  They’re not reality.  They’re trite, masturbatory and doubtful of any true insight in the mind of a deviate or predator.

And they’re still sold in niche markets, on specialty stores, and in shadowed places where you don’t go without a firewall and Norton security.  20 years since those books came and went and they’re still sought out over and over again.

A few years back I had a blog on Yahoo 360 with about a dozen readers, most of whom also went to the MySpace I had.  One morning I spotted something on Yahoo called Shine, which was their attempt to bring bloggers to the forefront and allow them more space to express themselves on a few ideas such as education, sex, and lifestyles, or whatever.  So, I posted an idea, maybe thinking the right person could say, This is damned good writing, and maybe want more.




I posted a response for a writer at 830am.  By lunchtime I had to restart my account with a new name (thus the homonym instead of the spelling used for afare24get) and I lost everything, from photos and notes, to comments and connections.  I spent the rest of the day scrambling like mad to recapture anything from my History file or from my secondary space on MySpace.

I am leery of anything, any promise and cautious, watching to see if my vanilla life will intrude here.  I don’t feel like having anyone trying to decipher where I teach, or if any of fantasies correlate with my reality.

If you’re a pedophile and need a guide, you’re a hunter with a gun who doesn’t know how to shoot.  If this is satire, it’s done in poor taste with the rising crimes against (or done by) children, either on society, on them or each other.  And that’s the damned crime: what are we teaching our kids? 

  • Argue & hold your breath till you get your way? 
  • Teachers, clergy and authority figures are not here for your protection but to harm you? 
  • The rules don’t apply if you don’t get caught?  Or it’s not a crime till you’re caught?
  • Crimes don’t matter until you’re 18 then we’ll hire a shyster lawyer?
  • Have babies; you can live off the government tit?
  • It doesn’t matter what others want or think so long as you get yours’ ?

As I continued this blog, I went back on Amazon and looked up a few things.  Sure enough, you can get copies of the Anarchist Cookbook, the Poor Man’s James Bond, Caligula (the uncensored one with Tino Brass’ additional smut) and many books created for the idea of maiming and harming humans.  Children are sacred, but so is knowledge.  Amazon also says they don’t sell porn, but I found Marilyn Chambers’ Insatiable, and Behind the Green Door, plus a few others.  That brought me a good chuckle.  You can’t deny what those movies are and you can’t deny they’re obscure or hidden. 

Hell, there was even a category for pornographic movies!

The Westboro church is going to protest a few more funerals of our fallen brave, and we, as a country, are in a quagmire where the rich continue to skate past the poor with tax breaks and assistance that can be handed off through the use of politics and shady connections. 

Maybe Amazon needs a porn section.  They cry freedom of speech, and they promise no censorship, but they also have a series of books that can’t be seen as redeeming in any way.  Kinda like HBO or Showtime After Hours programming.  If you don’t have a membership or are a prude don’t come in here.

Right now I don’t know what to really think.  I’m confused at best.  Maybe it’s not time to make any decision but to be informed, to be sure of what I am talking about.

Maybe I’m just worried: what could be considered trashy, stupid or meaningless?  Could my blog or erotic stories fall in to that same category, and some unseen hand-of-the-cyber-gods sweep it away?  Or is this paranoia striking me hardest and deepest in my soul, not wanting to start over again after working so hard to create something where I feel freest and right?

More than anything, I’ve been trying to open an on-line studio or gallery.  That was my surprise.  That’s why I’ve started posting the new headings with the warning for Adults Only.  I’m not talking smut, just maturity.

That’s where I fear, like seeing the link disappear in a matter of hours, my old life will change.  But if I am going that far, then I need to be ready for anything.

And for that I need to read more, write more and gamble more with my thoughts and feelings.

Take care everyone.



Links below where I got some of my info or pics.








http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/11/11/pedophile.guide/  - Anderson Cooper with lots of information about this subject, and from what he says he may have bought a copy or been given one to read as there are more details than what was on the website.


http://www.godhatesfags.com/  - Westboro Baptist Church

http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html - A Modest Proposal by Swift

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_of_speech - Explanation of this phrase misused every day.

http://www.adec.edu/admin/papers/fair10-17.html - standards of fair use for educational purposes.

http://www.copyright.gov/fls/fl102.html - fair use as defined by copyright law.

All images taken from websites with only the intent of creating information, not to infringe on any copyrights or electronic-copyright.  All this is being done solely for educational purposes.


When They Came ...

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

As of today (Nov. 11, 2010 - Thursday morning, 1:40 a.m.) I have 8 (eight) readers of this blog.  But if I publish my next blog, I fear I could lose some readers.

I've never written for children; this is a NOT a PG-13 blog with just enough honesty to be hip & happenin', something kewl, something to slap into your Twitter or Facebook account to link the world through me.

I am not a conduit.  I am an electrical storm.  I am a blast of thunder and a flash of lightning.  I don't write to do anything but purge the demons from my soul, and I read things that make me smile, be they political, emotional, social, sexual, honest or lies upon lies.

So tonight, after 5pm, I should have all my thoughts and ideas ready to present.

Here's where I took this quote, and I hope it keeps me and this blog going further into myself, expressing outward, and going strong.

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Martin_Niem%C3%B6ller

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

2 Odd Dreams

Two Dreams

I dreamt of seeing someone very special again, running in to her at an ice house/convenience store; tonight I encountered her. It was nice.



Previously I dreamt of skydiving off Devil’s Tower in Wyoming, the place where the UFO’s went in Close Encounters of the Third Kind

I saw myself coming out of a van, with a group of people. We discussed how to pay for lessons, and suddenly one of the guys opens a duffle bag and dumps money onto a tabletop. He tells us to take our share, and I find myself possessing a stack of cash in large bills. 



From there I went to a sporting goods store, wanting to purchase a handgun. Apparently, several of the others’ wanted the same thing. So now, we’re all in line, waiting to buy handguns, and I walked away.


I don’t know why we were buying pistols or taking sky diving lessons. It was very odd.




Epilogue: I ran into that someone special on-line. It was wonderful knowing the things she told me, even knowing she had to break my heart. Until my life takes another path, she’s gonna continue to do so, and nothing I do will ever change that. All I can do is accept it & love her, even just as a friend.

I need to be my own advocate. I think I’ve been looking too long for a change, but, despite my words, it has to come from within. The hard part is carving it out of the lump of shit I am or see myself as personally. 


So I’ll keep writing, I’ll keep trying, and hopefully one day I’ll write about triumph more than attempts.

Monday, November 8, 2010

He's got the right idea & I am a pig!! (Or jealous!)

Adam Sandler Adds to His List of Younger Costars in New Trailer

by: Matt McDaniel
It's always been part of the conceit of Adam Sandler movies that his boyish charm eventually wins over the young, attractive gal who is way out of his league. Sure, the female lead is initially turned off by his goofball humor or infantile outbursts, but she sees the wounded, good-hearted guy underneath and warms up to him by the end.
But it seems as Sandler gets older, his romantic partners in movies don't. It's like  Matthew McConaughey's line in the movie "Dazed and Confused": "I get older, they stay the same age."
The latest example is in Sandler's next movie, "Just Go With It." In it, he plays a plastic surgeon who goes from one hook-up to the next by claiming that he's married. But when he meets a girl he actually sees a future with, he has to enlist his assistant to pretend to be his wife, and he ends up with a whole fake family.
Sandler's romantic interest is played by Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover-girl -- and Mrs. Andy Roddick -- Brooklyn Decker, who makes her movie debut. She's impossibly beautiful, and nearly young enough to be his daughter, but that's what makes it funny. However, the woman he enlists to be his fake wife is played by Jennifer Aniston, a much more age-appropriate (but still ridiculously gorgeous) match for him. Take a look at the exclusive trailer for "Just Go With It," then keep reading to see the age gaps between Sandler and his leading ladies, including the one who was actually older than him. (Viewer discretion advised - contains crude humor)




 Here are 10 of Adam Sandler's on-screen pairings, with their ages when their movies opened and the gap in years between them.
Columbia Pictures Just Go With It (2011)
Sandler - 44
Brooklyn Decker - 23
Age Gap: 21 years




Columbia Pictures Grown Ups (2010)
Sandler - 43
Salma Hayek - 43
Age Gap: 0 (She was born one week before Sandler)




Disney Enterprises Bedtime Stories (2008)
Sandler - 42
Keri Russell - 32
Age Gap: 10 years




Columbia Pictures You Don't Mess With the Zohan (2008)
Sandler - 41
Emmanuelle Chriqui - 30
Age Gap: 11 years




Universal Pictures I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007)
Sandler - 40
Jessica Biel - 25
Age Gap: 15 years




Columbia Pictures Click (2006)
Sandler - 39
Kate Beckinsale - 32
Age Gap: 7 years




Columbia Pictures 50 First Dates (2004)
Sandler - 37
Drew Barrymore - 28
Age Gap: 9 years




Revolution Studios Anger Management (2003)
Sandler - 36
Marisa Tomei - 38
Age Gap: -2 years




Universal Pictures Happy Gilmore (1996)
Sandler - 29
Julie Bowen - 25
Age Gap: 4 years




Universal Pictures  Billy Madison (1995)
Sandler - 28
Bridgette Wilson - 21
Age Gap: 7 years