A Little Blush
I am working retail for the holidays and part-time, trying to make extra money and my life a little better in case I want to chase my dreams or pursuit something wicked again. But I love that there’s an innate reaction to a smile and a kind demeanor, and I am hoping for a little blush.
Have you ever given someone a little blush? Given them a chance to stare and you, fumble their words and stumble over their own tongue, looking away from you and smiling or even letting some color into their cheeks, a rosy tint touching their flesh ever so softly, like an artist brush on pale canvas?
I love that feeling.
I’m sure all people of all genders, tendencies and the like always hope for that reaction, wanting people smiling and wishing they could touch you, interact in your life, and even be yours’ briefly. Sometimes, I like that feeling hitting me also; a touch of blush from someone you meet who makes you blather and you can only whisper the word “Wow”, upon seeing them for the first time.
Possibly the last too, but they’re not leaving your mind soon.
That feeling, that heat, that blush is always gonna be there. And you’re always gonna revisit it.
I know that I do.
Part of my inner self says, “You want a trophy wife don’t you?”
And another part says, “But you’re a tub of shit, and you’re kinda ugly and humble, reclusive and nerdy. You’re a lousy fuck and you’re boring. All that matters is your art and scribbling your stories, and that’s never gonna make you a catch in any way. You’re not a trophy husband, but a booby prize.”
Maybe I need to be a trophy husband.
Maybe I need to make the fuckin’ sacrifices to get ahead and find some new life, without regrets or moving home, or ever looking down at yourself as a failure, being miserable, or thinking that you’re a bad person.
You’re not a bad person.
Honestly … you’re a good one.
You’ve always given, and you’re really not one to fly into your temptations easily. All you sacrifice has to be worth it in the end and you can’t have any regrets. THAT’S how you have to live: without regrets.
Without fear.
Without hesitation.
Without sadness.
And that has to be how your life is carried out, or you’re going to your grave with all the madness, sadness and hostility that you harbor now. And THAT will be your personal Hell.
There’s more to life than working, sleeping and resuming the same concentric cycle of eating, shitting, and sleeping. There has to be passion, love, joy and internal happiness. You have to have it inside you or you’re going to be miserable until your dying day.
This blog, this journal, these notes … they are the cobblestones of your path to a dream.
- A bigger dream than most people can realize.
- A bigger desire than most people will ever achieve.
- And you can’t hold back any longer.
- Or you will die soon.
- That’s the Truth … honest and complete.
- All you need to do is leap.
- All you need to do is incur some blushing.
- All you need to do is follow your dreams.
Ciao.
~j~
