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Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
We Could All Use A Chuckle
1-The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
2-A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'
3- It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit. He explained "I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years." "How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?" we asked. "It's simple" he said. "When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk."
4- A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see I'm winning!"
5- A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
6- A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
7- One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization. The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"
8- A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.
2-A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'
3- It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit. He explained "I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years." "How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?" we asked. "It's simple" he said. "When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk."
4- A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see I'm winning!"
5- A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
6- A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
7- One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization. The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"
8- A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.
New Story - Summertime Lessons
Summertime Lessons with Samantha
I'm a writer in Texas & met another writer, a gorgeous young womanwanting to publish an incest story involving a brother & sister.
After a few deliberations about the characters we agreed and beganto write outour ideas & responses via e-mails.
So, in the above link, you're able to READ our collected responses.
Needless to say for us, the story has taken on a life of its' own and we're happy this little bit of fiction is posted here forall to enjoy reading as much as we've enjoyed writing it.
Now a Disclaimer: "The story is ABSOLUTE FICTION! No resemblence toanyone we know has occurred in any way. Our characters are unique andindividual creations; they're not 'hommages' or anything so trite. Nocrimes were or are being committed in creating this work of FICTION!"
If the incestuous relationship between a teenage girl and her brother isa little off-putting, please read ANYTHING else you wish BUT THIS STORY!!
You've been warned with a big smile. Enjoy.
Blessings,
Julian (afare24get)
I'm a writer in Texas & met another writer, a gorgeous young womanwanting to publish an incest story involving a brother & sister.
After a few deliberations about the characters we agreed and beganto write outour ideas & responses via e-mails.
So, in the above link, you're able to READ our collected responses.
Needless to say for us, the story has taken on a life of its' own and we're happy this little bit of fiction is posted here forall to enjoy reading as much as we've enjoyed writing it.
Now a Disclaimer: "The story is ABSOLUTE FICTION! No resemblence toanyone we know has occurred in any way. Our characters are unique andindividual creations; they're not 'hommages' or anything so trite. Nocrimes were or are being committed in creating this work of FICTION!"
If the incestuous relationship between a teenage girl and her brother isa little off-putting, please read ANYTHING else you wish BUT THIS STORY!!
You've been warned with a big smile. Enjoy.
Blessings,
Julian (afare24get)
Angrier Than Before
I used to think I hated my life before, and now I see I hate my life even MORE! I just got a check from 2 school districts: it was less than $450 for about 9 days work!
Bullshit!
I am not earning a living, I am getting a fucking allowance.
I am not earning a living, I am getting a fucking allowance.
THIS is why they can't get quality substitute teachers: someone can pay more.
Sadly, I need the goddamned money!
I have to make a life without depending on anyone ... and I have to make my dreams come true.
People make every kind of imaginable vice about, and they make a living if not their dreams come true.
I try doing well, just enough to get by, and I am losing my shirt and my fucking mind!
My heart is breaking, and I hate my world.
I want to run, but there's nowhere to go.
I want to run, but there's nowhere to go.
I want to cry but if I do there's a sign of weakness I don't need the world to see.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Remembrance
Remembrance
In the laundromat’s din
I recall my favorite sin
sigh and fall into my trance
of my remembrance
It feels like a dream
That woman so bright
I loved her too much
I wanted that wife
But it was doomed all along
We’re too far apart
We couldn’t hope for a song
The life we’d never start
She said good-bye as I
were nothing
She’s moved on fast
Onto another fling
I don’t even ring
I don’t even write
She had a new thing
She has a new life
Does she look at her laptop
wondering about me?
Or does she make her coffee,
and love another and flee?
I hate haunting her
though I miss her so
I’m trying to be good
I’m trying to let go.
The coffee is sweet
the memory is bitter
I wish she’d find me
I’d never release her.
But that’s not my lot
I wish her the best
I hope she’s behaving
I won’t go out west
In the dark of night
loving someone else
It’s her voice I hear
as clear as a bell.
I’m always remembered,
never forgotten.
I wish she’d want me
even though I am rotten
We planned for so much
future fantasies and dreams.
All that dissipated
like coffee and creams.
I wish she’d say I love you once again
I’d accept it no matter the pain
Should she ever see this
It’s my honest truth:
I love you now, a remembrance, and an absolute.
In the laundromat’s din
I recall my favorite sin
sigh and fall into my trance
of my remembrance
It feels like a dream
That woman so bright
I loved her too much
I wanted that wife
But it was doomed all along
We’re too far apart
We couldn’t hope for a song
The life we’d never start
She said good-bye as I
were nothing
She’s moved on fast
Onto another fling
I don’t even ring
I don’t even write
She had a new thing
She has a new life
Does she look at her laptop
wondering about me?
Or does she make her coffee,
and love another and flee?
I hate haunting her
though I miss her so
I’m trying to be good
I’m trying to let go.
The coffee is sweet
the memory is bitter
I wish she’d find me
I’d never release her.
But that’s not my lot
I wish her the best
I hope she’s behaving
I won’t go out west
In the dark of night
loving someone else
It’s her voice I hear
as clear as a bell.
I’m always remembered,
never forgotten.
I wish she’d want me
even though I am rotten
We planned for so much
future fantasies and dreams.
All that dissipated
like coffee and creams.
I wish she’d say I love you once again
I’d accept it no matter the pain
Should she ever see this
It’s my honest truth:
I love you now, a remembrance, and an absolute.
Just a few thoughts ...
I Just Can't Stop Loving You lyrics
I Just Want To Lay Next To You
For Awhile
You Look So Beautiful Tonight
Your Eyes Are So Lovely
Your Mouth Is So Sweet
A Lot Of People
Misunderstand Me
That's Because They Don't
Know Me At All
I Just Want To Touch You
And Hold You
I Need You
God I Need You
I Love You So Much
[Michael]
Each Time The Wind Blows
I Hear Your Voice So
I Call Your Name . . .
Whispers At Morning
Our Love Is Dawning
Heaven's Glad You Came . . .
You Know How I Feel
This Thing Can't Go Wrong
I'm So Proud To Say
I Love You
Your Love's Got Me High
I Long To Get By
This Time Is Forever
Love Is The Answer
[Siedah]
I Hear Your Voice Now
You Are My Choice Now
The Love You Bring
Heaven's In My Heart
At Your Call
I Hear Harps,
And Angels Sing
You Know How I Feel
This Thing Can't Go Wrong
I Can't Live My Life
Without You
[Michael]
I Just Can't Hold On
[Siedah]
I Feel We Belong
[Michael]
My Life Ain't Worth Living
If I Can't Be With You
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
And If I Stop . . .
Then Tell Me Just What
Will I Do
[Siedah]
'Cause I Just Can't Stop
Loving You
[Michael]
At Night When The
Stars Shine
I Pray In You I'll Find
A Love So True . . .
[Siedah]
When Morning Awakes Me
Will You Come And Take Me
I'll Wait For You
[Michael]
You Know How I Feel
I Won't Stop Until
I Hear Your Voice Saying
"I Do"
[Siedah]
"I Do"
This Thing Can't Go Wrong
[Michael]
This Feeling's So Strong
[Siedah]
Well, My Life Ain't
Worth Living
[Both]
If I Can't Be With You
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
And If I Stop . . .
Then Tell Me, Just What
Will I Do
[Michael]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Siedah]
We Can Change All The World
Tomorrow
[Michael]
We Can Sing Songs Of
Yesterday
[Siedah]
I Can Say, Hey . . .Farewell
To Sorrow
[Michael]
This Is My Life And I,
[Both]
Want To See You For Always
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Siedah]
No, Baby
[Michael]
Oh!
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Siedah]
If I Can't Stop!
[Both]
And If I Stop . . .
[Siedah]
No
[Michael]
Oh! Oh! Oh . . .Oh . . .
[Siedah]
What Will I Do? Uh . . .Ooh . . .
(Then Tell Me, Just What
Will I Do)
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Michael]
Hee! Hee! Hee! Know I Do
Girl!
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Michael]
You Know I Do
And If I Stop . . .
[Both]
Then Tell Me, Just What
Will I Do
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/michael-jackson-lyrics/i-just-can_t-stop-loving-you-lyrics.html
-----------
THE STYLISTICS lyrics - You Make Me Feel Brand New
My love, I'll never find the words, my love
To tell you how I feel, my love
Mere words, could not explain
Precious love, you held my life within your hands
Created everything I am
Taught me how to live again
Only you came when I needed a friend
Believed in me through thick and thin
This song is for you
Filled with graditude and love
God bless you
You make me feel brand new
For God bless me with you
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song 'cause you
Make me feel brand new
My love, when ever I was insecure
You built me up and made me sure
You gave, my pride, back to me
Precious friend, with you I'll always have a friend
You're someone who I can depend
To walk a path that sometimes bends
Without you, life has no meaning or rhyme
Like notes to a song out of time
How can I repay
You for havin' faith in me
God bless you
You made me feel brand new
For God bless me with you
You made me feel brand new
I sing this song for you
http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/the_stylistics/you_make_me_feel_brand_new.html
---------
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa :
half discovered, half wild,fertile and naturally beautiful.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe :
well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain :
very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece :
gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain :
with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel :
has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada :
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet :
wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past
and the wisdom of the ages,
an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 90,
a man is like Iran,
ruled by nuts.
I Just Want To Lay Next To You
For Awhile
You Look So Beautiful Tonight
Your Eyes Are So Lovely
Your Mouth Is So Sweet
A Lot Of People
Misunderstand Me
That's Because They Don't
Know Me At All
I Just Want To Touch You
And Hold You
I Need You
God I Need You
I Love You So Much
[Michael]
Each Time The Wind Blows
I Hear Your Voice So
I Call Your Name . . .
Whispers At Morning
Our Love Is Dawning
Heaven's Glad You Came . . .
You Know How I Feel
This Thing Can't Go Wrong
I'm So Proud To Say
I Love You
Your Love's Got Me High
I Long To Get By
This Time Is Forever
Love Is The Answer
[Siedah]
I Hear Your Voice Now
You Are My Choice Now
The Love You Bring
Heaven's In My Heart
At Your Call
I Hear Harps,
And Angels Sing
You Know How I Feel
This Thing Can't Go Wrong
I Can't Live My Life
Without You
[Michael]
I Just Can't Hold On
[Siedah]
I Feel We Belong
[Michael]
My Life Ain't Worth Living
If I Can't Be With You
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
And If I Stop . . .
Then Tell Me Just What
Will I Do
[Siedah]
'Cause I Just Can't Stop
Loving You
[Michael]
At Night When The
Stars Shine
I Pray In You I'll Find
A Love So True . . .
[Siedah]
When Morning Awakes Me
Will You Come And Take Me
I'll Wait For You
[Michael]
You Know How I Feel
I Won't Stop Until
I Hear Your Voice Saying
"I Do"
[Siedah]
"I Do"
This Thing Can't Go Wrong
[Michael]
This Feeling's So Strong
[Siedah]
Well, My Life Ain't
Worth Living
[Both]
If I Can't Be With You
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
And If I Stop . . .
Then Tell Me, Just What
Will I Do
[Michael]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Siedah]
We Can Change All The World
Tomorrow
[Michael]
We Can Sing Songs Of
Yesterday
[Siedah]
I Can Say, Hey . . .Farewell
To Sorrow
[Michael]
This Is My Life And I,
[Both]
Want To See You For Always
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Siedah]
No, Baby
[Michael]
Oh!
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Siedah]
If I Can't Stop!
[Both]
And If I Stop . . .
[Siedah]
No
[Michael]
Oh! Oh! Oh . . .Oh . . .
[Siedah]
What Will I Do? Uh . . .Ooh . . .
(Then Tell Me, Just What
Will I Do)
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Michael]
Hee! Hee! Hee! Know I Do
Girl!
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
[Michael]
You Know I Do
And If I Stop . . .
[Both]
Then Tell Me, Just What
Will I Do
[Both]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/michael-jackson-lyrics/i-just-can_t-stop-loving-you-lyrics.html
-----------
THE STYLISTICS lyrics - You Make Me Feel Brand New
My love, I'll never find the words, my love
To tell you how I feel, my love
Mere words, could not explain
Precious love, you held my life within your hands
Created everything I am
Taught me how to live again
Only you came when I needed a friend
Believed in me through thick and thin
This song is for you
Filled with graditude and love
God bless you
You make me feel brand new
For God bless me with you
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song 'cause you
Make me feel brand new
My love, when ever I was insecure
You built me up and made me sure
You gave, my pride, back to me
Precious friend, with you I'll always have a friend
You're someone who I can depend
To walk a path that sometimes bends
Without you, life has no meaning or rhyme
Like notes to a song out of time
How can I repay
You for havin' faith in me
God bless you
You made me feel brand new
For God bless me with you
You made me feel brand new
I sing this song for you
http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/the_stylistics/you_make_me_feel_brand_new.html
---------
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa :
half discovered, half wild,fertile and naturally beautiful.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe :
well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain :
very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece :
gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain :
with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel :
has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada :
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet :
wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past
and the wisdom of the ages,
an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 90,
a man is like Iran,
ruled by nuts.
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