Goodbye # 05

The Way We Were - Barbara Streisand

Mem'ries,
Light the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? Could we?
Mem'ries, may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember...
The way we were...
The way we were...

Goodbye # 04

Magnet & Steel - Walter Egan

Ooh ooh ah
Now I told you so you ought to know
Ooh it takes some time for a feelin' to grow
Ooh you're so close now I can't let you go
Ooh and I can't let go
For you are a magnet and I am steel

I can't hope that I'll hold you for long
Ooh you're a woman who's lost to your song
Ooh but the love that I feel is so strong
Ooh and it can't be wrong

With you I'm not shy to show the way I feel
With you I might try my secrets to reveal
For you are a magnet and I am steel
For you are a magnet and I am steel

Saying Goodbye # 03

# 03 Blog

Night Ranger - Goodbye

As the sun hides his head
For another nights rest
And the wind sings
His same old song
And you on the edge
Never close, never far
Always there when I needed a friend
Yet it's hard living life
On this memory-go-round
Always up, always down
Spinning 'round and 'round and 'round
And all this could be
Just a dream so it seems
I was never much good at goodbye
There once was a time
Never far from my mind
On the beach, on the 4th of July
I remember the sand
How you held out your hand
And we touched for what seemed a lifetime
Now it's hard
Leaving all this behind me now
Like a schoolboy so lost
Never found until now
And all this could be
Just a dream so it seems
I was never much good at goodbye
Yet it's hard
Living life on this memory-go-round
Always up, always down
Turning 'round and 'round and 'round
And all this could be
Just a dream so it seems
I was never much good at goodbye
And all this could be
Just a dream so it seems
I was never much good at goodbye
Goodbye

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/n/night+ranger/goodbye_20203539.html

Saying Goodbye # 02

# 02 Blog

Dido - White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were but

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
all that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/d/dido/white+flag_10085283.html

Saying Goodbye # 01

# 01 Blog

Abba - SOS

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind
Whatever happened to our love?
I wish I understood
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good

So when youre near me, darling cant you hear me
S. o. s.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. o. s.
When youre gone
How can I even try to go on?
When youre gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

You seem so far away though you are standing near
You made me feel alive, but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out
I wish I understood
What happened to our love, it used to be so good

So when youre near me, darling cant you hear me
S. o. s.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. o. s.
When youre gone
How can I even try to go on?
When youre gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

So when youre near me, darling cant you hear me
S. o. s.
And the love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. o. s.
When youre gone
How can I even try to go on?
When youre gone
Though I try how can I carry on?
When youre gone
How can I even try to go on?
When youre gone
Though I try how can I carry on?

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/abba/s+o+s_20002640.html

Trying Hard To Heal

I am writing this on July 16th, think back to the day I heard the words 'I can't see you anymore', and I am tired of dwelling on this idea. I don't blame her, but it's hard NOT to think about her or wish to touch her again. I HAVE to find a way back to her across the country.

I wanted to take her away but I'm a poor teacher in Texas. I wanted to make her my own: my lover, my wife, my friend, and the mother of my children. Sadly, she's gonna do all she can to make her own happiness happen. AND she deserves it! If she were mine I wouldn't deny any bit of the pleasures of the world.

Instead I am going to have to hear she's happy somehow or some way away from my life or through the grapevine or within another means to information.

(And no ... I am NOT stalking. I am just hoping she's alright.)

I am taking a few days to publish this blog just waiting to see if she'll change her mind or not.

I am hoping she'll come back to me.

I need her in my life - even as a friend.

(I'll publish this blog on 07/21 just to give me some space!)

In all honesty I spilled my guts in ways I couldn't imagine to my local-lover, and I think she's accepting that IF I go too far in trying to fulfill my needs I may have to leave.

Alone ...

Again.

I don't know what will truly happen.

All I can do is try being honest, but I can't show you the 'man behind the curtain' just yet.

After all, a magician doesn't reveal everything at once.

Blessings,




Julian

p.s. "If she even messaged me I'd fly to her in a second."

******


Lyrics to Hard Candy Christmas
(Music and Lyrics: Carol Hall)

Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
Maybe I'll move somewhere
Maybe I'll get a car
Maybe I'll drive so far
They'll all lose track
Me, I'll bounce right back
Maybe I'll sleep real late
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Maybe I'll clear my junk
Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and Dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow get me way down

Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
Maybe I'll just lie low
Maybe I'll hit the bars
Maybe I'll count the stars until dawn
Me, I will go on

Maybe I'll settle down
Maybe I'll just leave town
Maybe I'll have some fun
Maybe I'll meet someone
And make him mine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting throung tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

'Cause I'll be fine
(I'll be fine)
Oh, I'll be fine

http://www.lyricsmania.com/

http://www.lyricsmania.com/lyrics/dolly_parton_lyrics_5039/the_best_little_whorehouse_in_texas_[soundtrack]_lyrics_16730/hard_candy_christmas_lyrics_193506.html

The Cosmic Joke

I was recently told the following phrase:

"Julian you are truly a very nice articulate man...I read your blog....I understand...hope you get what you are looking for....

Good Luck "

It crushed my heart since that same person rejected me for a moment of temporary passion and madness, and feeling as I do makes me weep in my beer.

Now I am not trying to be a dick about that person's preferences: in all fairness she was honest about me not being what she was looking for but able to let me down easily.

Girls like the bad guy - when I'm him they run!

When I'm the good guy they overlook me or act as if they're the ones losing out.

BULLSHIT! I can call a spade a spade! I know when I am being disregarded and ignored, abused and deliberately hurt.

And it's happening now.

I don't want to be rejected or to be called an idiot for my preferences, or to be told I can't have something simply because its' not in that persons' nature.

Goddammit I wanted to marry a stripper - instead I'm seeing a librarian.

I am SO fucked.

I wanted to trade my old life here in Texas for a new one in California. I almost did.

And to think my passport is finally on its' fucking way!

Maybe ... maybe next time.

Adios.

Julian