Thursday, July 2, 2009
The Stuffed Legend - Reprinted from MySpace
Originally Published - September 2006
The Stuffed Legend
A lot of people think that walking away from something is so very easy; like Robert DeNiro in the movie HEAT when he abandoned his girlfri
I wonder if I am as conceited. Moreover than not I'd like to say I "live in the moment", but that's just an excuse for mischief and chaos.
NEIL McCAULEY: A guy once told me, "Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner."
Yesterday I learned that I was not needed; after a 2 year absence I thought I could slip back into my old spot on the volunteer staff leading kids and doing my self-esteem lessons and confidence-builders. Instead I had been replaced and was not missed. Nothing skipped a beat, and the band played on. Am I upset? I don't think so, as the kids are the main concern, not my ego. Or at least that's the way it should be, but only being human I feel my emptiness and a lacking. I went back because I was unhappy in my previous incarnation, and now I think that the ashes should have shifted and buried me altogether. Granted, all the "I" statements keep me in this state of conceit but who else am I going to do this for? I thought I would be needed, and instead I am not, so I have to move forward and smile politely instead of showing my hurt. The group asked me to help with one of their seminars but I can't show that I am hurt. The only thing that can be shown is the chance to build and do for others. My only question is "What is there for me?" Maybe I need to ask, after all the years of taking from so many, should I expect anything, or should there just be a trail to finding my inner self and wiggling closer to the brightness of light and delight? Two years away did nothing, and I have to pray and draw and write making the necessary attachments to this life.
Most recently I was reading an old favorite of mine: Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. I smiled, thinking about the chaos of causing trouble with words and notions, misery and intimidation being your only guides. I wish I could pull off half the shit that Duke & Dr Gonzo did whilst amid the debris of humanity in
I was disappointed others had moved on, now I have to be proud I did something good once, and make the most of this time left in life. After all, anything can happen.
~j~
I Am Not Dead, Just Having Phone Sex - reprinted from MySpace
Irresistible Temptation - Guy Stuff
Three friends are out enjoying a night on the town, and the suggestion that they visit the local whorehouse meets with enthusiasm all around - especially when the madam tells them there's a special offer that evening. For $100, $150, or $200, the customer will receive a sexual treat beyond his wildest dreams.
The first guy forks out $100, is shown to the first door on the right and soon his friends hear cries of ecstasy coming from within. He emerges sometime later sweaty, out of breath and grinning from ear to ear.
"She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen," he said panting. "After extensive foreplay she put two pineapple rings around my penis and ate them!"
The second guy couldn't fork over his $150 fast enough. He was shown to a room and soon wild cries of bliss were heard. Eventually he returned with the same grin and the same story, except that he had gotten whipped cream along with the two pineapple rings.
The third guy needs little persuading to part with his $200 and is shown to an upstairs room. Soon cries of ecstasy can be heard, but his friends are puzzled when they're interrupted by a scream of agony. When he returns, they can't wait to hear what happened.
"Yes," he explains wearily, "she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and after extensive foreplay she covered my prick with two pineapple rings, whipped cream, chopped nuts and topped it off with a maraschino cherry."
"So then what happened?" ask his friends eagerly.
"Well," he replies, "it looked so good, I took a bite myself."
----------
Outside World Is Better - Girl Thing
The Mother Superior of the orphanage called three girls, who were leaving, to her office.
"Now," she commenced, "you are all going out in the big, sinful world, and I must warn you against certain men. There are men who will buy you drinks, take you to a room, undress you, and do unspeakable things to you. Then they give two or three pounds, and you are sent away ruined.
"Excuse me, Reverend Mother," said the boldest girl. "Did you say these wicked men will give us three pounds?"
"Yes, dear child," said the Mother Superior. "Why do you ask?"
"Well," the girl said," the priests only give us apples."
---------
First Class Passenger - Blonde Jokes
A plane is on its way to
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
The flight attendant then goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is a blonde sitting in first class where she should be sitting in economy class. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy class, she would have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, I speak blonde." He goes back to the blonde and whispered something in her ear and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry." And she gets up and goes back to her seat in the economy. The flight attendant and co-pilot were amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her", the pilot replied, "That first class isn't going to
--------
Agony Of Life - Fucking Stone Cold
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.
He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."
"I am not dancing," the armless man replied bitterly. "My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it..."
--------
When Things Do Not Matter - Lessons In Life
A man who was summoned to an IRS audit asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you're a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite "Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested a resolution of the dilemma.
"Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi.
"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. Her mother advised, 'Wear a long, heavy flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.'
But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. The friend said, 'Wear your sexiest negligee, with a V-neck right down to your navel.'"
Confused, the man protested, "But what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
The rabbi replied, "Your situation is the same. It doesn't matter what you wear. You're going to get screwed."
-----------
Proof That The World Is Nuts - Trivia
In
In
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
The penalty for masturbation in
There are men in
Reason: under
In
Topless saleswomen are legal in
in tropical fish stores.
In
In
In
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when
intoxicated.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfish don't have brains.
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
Reprinted from MySpace - My Feeling Today - A Little Self-Loathing
By: Faith Evans, feat. Carl Thomas
Would be okay with me and you
I was wrong
Than I look into your eyes
I didn't see all the things I use to see
What's going on
That we were always meant to be
But now I see, you were wrong
You can't keep running back to me
With all those baby baby please
There's no more, no more
I'm emotional, I'm emotional
Guess I'll be leaving, you're deceiving, it's official
I'm emotional, so emotional
I saw you in the corner after tight
You were wrong
Still dancing on the floor
While I was watching from the door
So hurt
There you were
That we were always meant to be
But now I see, you were wrong
You can't keep running back to me
With all those baby baby please
There's no more, no more
I'm emotional, I'm emotional
Guess I'll be leaving, you're deceiving, it's official
I'm emotional
But you threw it all away
Thought you had my love always (oh baby)
I don't understand (don't understand)
Why you think that we could stay
A total unhappiness
I'm emotional, I'm emotional
Guess I'll be leaving, you're deceiving, it's officials
I'm emotional, so emotional...
Is Nick L. A dork? - Reprinted from MySpace
Originally Published - August 2006
I hear that he's been crying a sad song over his former Mrs. I don't think she gives a shit about him or gave one before; it was a manufactured wedding & once she was done IT was done. Sorry, but shit happens!
Personally if he's in a pickle for cash he should SELL all the wicked shit he got that goody-goody to perform, whether she did it well or badly, and make a bundle. I think he was okay, not great, but not wanting to buy $600 sheets and then afraid to splooge on them when it all comes down to being wet & wild. And yes... that's a NICE piece of ass but I can't fucking go crazy over it... even the best still needs something to complete the package. After all, Tab A goes into Slot B!
That's it.
Adios!
Reprinted from MySpace - Lots to see on the World Wide web
There seems to be a unlimited amount of chaos & skin, and people lacking in the decisiveness of showing or exposing it. And I'm not just talking about the "Over 18" sites similar to the concrete building winking in neon to allot you a 'adult' setting. I mean people everywhere... parties... events... whatever.
