Dancing

Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A: Depends on the tune.


Faith.

I don't know if I am losing mine or being tested, but I am still unhappy.  No matter who I am or what I do nothing makes me smile like I've smiled before, and I am dying inside a little more.

Faith & Faithless

I tremble nightly, hearing the calls, the phone buzzing, the unknown numbers, the endless tract of letters that I can’t open.  Fear creeps into my spine and I hate myself, crying, lighting candles and praying to assuage my tears.

I’m endlessly sad, worried and wishful that some bundle would fall from heaven.  I was hoping to know my book had shitloads of downloads but the data didn’t come through, and I’ve only seen about 70+/- downloads at another, more PG site.

I rushed a few resumes at some possible employers, but I have my doubts, and I wish I had a bundle of cash to fend off the collectors.

I want to go away from it all.  I want to be a success and find people wanting the things I create, the stories I tell, and to feel capable for once in my life. 

I always blow my chances, and that makes me a loser.   People say, “You’re not a loser, as you haven’t given up”, but that doesn’t make me a loser, only a coward.

And unhappy.

Very fuckin’ unhappy.

I feel hammered by life, by hopes and by desires.  I need to change but every step I take collapses under me.  Nothing is supportive, and I feel misery attaching itself to my every thought, every hope.  I am awash in rejection letters and fearful of what the next month will bring me.