I hate my life, and I truly don't know why I don't burst into flames and save all the world all my bullshit and melancholy.
Right now the following has occurred:
- I have a dented rim leading me to a flat tire. Thus I need to scramble for a ride to work at 640am, and to get one home in the middle of the afternoon at 3pm.
- Sallie Mae is hounding me for money I can't get them in any way at my current lifestyle as a substitute teacher.
- I am overweight, and unhappy with myself.
- My students get another change, and I am now teaching remedial lessons to kids with attention-span problems or who are apathetic as 6th graders.
- I am broke, and I didn't even get a chance to work on any Valentine's day projects.
- And to top it off, talking to my mother this evening I learned she has a tumor, and will be undergoing a CAT scan to determine its' location and severity.
I am staying calm. I won't cry, as my mother would be disappointed in me if I did so, and I won't be telling anyone on my 'vanilla' Facebook page about my woes. I'll post images there of my lies and what isn't happening, as I really don't give an honet-to-God flying shit about those mementoes of my past-life.
It wasn't great, and I don't care to relive the glory days.
Fuck that. All that's over. I didn't have them. I lead a mediocre life, giving all I could and not getting but for a few times and people who honestly know how precious they are to me because I tell them.
I'm trying not to think.
Just insert grades, get ready for tomorrow and see about calling in a few favors.
Move on, don't lose my head.
Take care & enjoy your holiday everyone.
Blessings,
afare24get
3 comments:
It's okay to cry if you want. You gotta let out some of the frustration, some how. I like that Churchill quote. That's right, keep going. Everything and everyone WILL BE okay -- your mom and you. In the meantime, I'm sending you good thoughts, prayers and a hug.
Oh honey...think of it like this ...it can't get any worse...you could be in jail getting your pretty self's salad tossed...don't be so hard on yourself...I surely am not...and just because I am crazy don't let that stop you from feeling better
I like to call it's always the darkest before the dawn a trite but true saying. After every Empire Strikes Back there's always a Return Of The Jedi. Two weeks ago I could not pay the rent and was worried that the power was going to be turned off at any moment. Then came the tax refund check and the publication of My book within two days of each other.
Of course now, two weeks later, My great-grandmother died, the cat has to go to the vet, the lady vyle needs surgery, an organization the had vaived their dues now wants to collect dues, and the extra money is nearly gone.
Already waiting for the next dawn to bring the Return Of The Jedi, so keep hanging in there too aFare.
-Master Vyle
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