I wrote these poems in a funk about a woman who I thought loved me, but really had to be a good wife to someone else. I pray he appreciates her. She's been quite good to me so I wrote out of immediate anger & loss. It's not her fault my life is fucked up so please don't blame anyone but the author. He chose to do what he did & it's accepting the hand dealt to you.
Now, I want to pare down the best 7 or 8 for final posting at Literotica under my name “Julian” – see the link above.
Some are haiku’s, some are just free-form poems, and some are more blathering and ranting than any real semblance of honest art.
I wrote in a flurry and am hoping to make the best of my pain & silliness.
Critiques would be appreciated. Comment on any one you wish.
Blessings,
Julian
***
The further she is
The less I see of her smile
Easy to forget
***
Never forgotten always remembered
Wanted more than life itself
I’ll love you always
***
With me she had 2 husbands
It was easier to stay with him
Then to have to come to me
To have all she wanted
She only needed to be
rid of me – like a
bandage on a wound – RIP!
Discard and it’s over.
I am a discarded bandage.
Used, bloodied and forgotten.
***
I wonder if these notes even matter
Every day I used to get up knowing there would
be something
- a note
- a picture
- even a word
The text were always a surprise
Showing me you interrupted your day for me
My first visit was my first step
- and I was preparing for another
But you became what you wanted
- abandoned
- falling
- at the whims of others
You made my mornings better
You were a ray of sunshine
***
I wish I knew something
Maybe I’m a weak or bad fuck
or maybe I’m too
clingy
Not rude or cruel
Single faced, honest
wanting her to be happy
I wish I could have brought her to me, making her mine, alone.
***
A sleepless night
rough to handle
Toss in bed
miss her desperately
Waiting?
Knowing?
Needing?
Wishing?
Your head spins
Time is truly important
Life is a mess
Vacuum
***
You’re growing jealous
You feel amazingly lonely
All the plans
SMASHED!
All your dreams
DEAD!
All the future held
FUCKED!
You felt it inside you
That abandonment
Every time a dream gets close
- POOF!
Heartbreak ebbs from inside
Tears pour like blood
drop by drop
And you lack
She says she doesn’t love you
or she can’t
you’re not sure
the cacophony of humiliations floods your ears
She says she’s not looking for love
But said that to you daily
Hourly
In notes at odd moments
You wish you could dance
with her
Sing to her
Touch her again
You tasted ambrosia
You can’t go back to
tequila or wine
And beer means nothing to you.
Walk Run Fly
Cry Weep Scream
Talk Fuck Hate
Love Want Ache
She’s changed you in ways
You never thought possible
And yet
you’d trade your soul to
go back to the love you had.
… or thought you had.
***
I know I miss her
She gave me more than I hoped
I wish she would call
***
Do you ever think
that your sanity is not
a part of my heart
***
You ran from me
And I wanted to keep looking but
I would stop for you
***
I had hoped for a
Future where our dream came true
Now my dreams are dead
***
I felt really sad
When she asked me not to look
I doubt she cries now
***
Love is the Best Food
The heart needs it nourishment
May was my last meal
***
On-line I was it
The perfect fantasy lust
Reality sucks
***
In all my dull life
I was not chosen ‘til her
Now I’m tossed aside
***
Every day I
fight the desire to call you
I write to keep away
***
She is resisting
Then need to call me right now
Delusions save me
***
Easy to avoid me
Easy to ignore my words
I am not worth it
***
Long as I stay away
She thinks I can forget her
So impossible
***
Did I make her run
Or did I scare her away
Far between heartbeats
***
Always on my mind
She saturated my soul
I wish I had hers
***
She said she won’t leave
The situation she’s in
I would have for her
***
As much as my love
She was my sweet loving friend
I miss that part too
***
She has to want me
As much as I want her now
Like the last two years
***
She told me the truth
She would never lie again
And I trusted her
***
Two-K one way flight
Her arms held me so very tight
Should I not have gone?
***
Why did she give me
The notes gifts pics words and thoughts
It hurts to see them
***
Without me she has
All she could ever want to have
I wish I were there
***
Missing her is Hell
She made a Heaven on Earth
And now I’m so alone
***
Every morning I wait
Hoping for a chat from her
That will never come
***
Days always began
With my coffee and her chat
Now they are both stale
***
Do you now miss me
Does temptation rise to call
I fight mine daily
***
We were way too close
For the distance we dealt with
I miss you so much
***
I wish stealing you
Was still an option in life
But that wish is gone
***
You don’t need me now
You’ve done better that I hoped
I wish you were here
***
My dreams came true here
Every time you called or wrote
You gave me Heaven
***
Delete my old pics
I wish I could do the same
Your notes are my joy
***
You were never mine
I was never yours’ either
But I did have hope
***
You made my wishes
And even for a weekend
I treasure all that
***
She got way too close
And she’s not leaving her life
So I have to leave
***
I’d sell my very soul
Travel to the gates of Hell
To burn up with her
***
She says I should go
Sample the World and enjoy
But she is my world
***
You wanted to fall
Descend deep see the unknown
I wanted the same
***
I am pathetic
Looking for her even now
She does not look back
***
She prepared to leave
She had time to get ready
What a big surprise!
***
Money money cash
A way to have it all here
She’s never for sale
***
Steal a little dream
She made all yours’ come true
That’s why she is missed
***
It took so very
Little time to forget me
I am suffering
***
Poetry flies
verbal and emotional spasms of longing and despair
despair
sadness
humiliation … I ruined my life
Vulgarities pour out of me
Honesty, not familiar territory
and then comes the inner crushing
“Have I gone mad? Am I at the edge wanting something that
doesn’t want me? Like an alcoholic needing a drink?”
No comments:
Post a Comment