Are You A Dummy? Am I? I Think So ...

Grandpa George: "There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of them in the whole world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy? "

"Are You A Dummy?"

Ike has come & gone, and I am waiting to see when my Federal funding will arrive. I am hoping that my student loan will come in soon so I can spend it luxuries like meat, rent, air conditioning, and flash drives and art supplies. I scrape buy, with a little help from my friends & family, working odd-jobs and making little craft to keep me afloat from time to time with my hands. I am getting by just enough to keep my dreams more alive than in the past. When I am not working into prayer for money, I am scribbling,typing, or sketching. I can't finish my art as its' in need of a light table to grasp the finer details and new ink pens to make the image come in to their own personality.

I am also buying books all the time: blank sketch books, journals, spirals in color patterns of all kinds and many many pens. Ink, ball point, gel pens, colored inks, fancy or simple, from common or specialty stores.

Of course, there's also my vanity. I need my shirts starched, my slacks steamed or pressed, shoes polished and the nicer breads for my sandwiches, brand-name sodas, and gas for my Cobalt. How I am squeaking by is a miracle or mystery. I am drowning, but still treading water.

I keep trying to incorporate my art (actually my paintings) more than anything into my art, and I've seen what passes as art today, and my heart is a little jealous. I know there are many ways to express oneself, such as print, grafitti, painting, sculpture, movies and photography. I have only posted my photos as I am guarding my paintings very carefully. Since I'm not Pollock's heir, I am always worried about any comparison made to my abstracts. They're not for everyone but ... they make me happy.

How can I combine happiness & money making? That's a head-scratcher. I thought about a dog-walking service but people let their dogs roam the streets until its' time to get dinner from their masters hand. Art is not a big seller in this area of town, and I don't feel like having someone hold onto one of my paintings until it's sold with a hefty or lost when the small business closes. A gallery won't look at you until you selland they won't sell anything until they know you so it's a catch-22 for me. Can't sell till you're know and you're not known till you're selling.

Scripts? Hasn't happened, and probably won't unless I sell them or produce them myself. Also, like I've mentioned before they were all produced/written on a Brother Word Processor so I am hanging sheets of paper from my old scripts at eye-level and retyping them. I could hire someone with secretarial experience but I don't know if they'd be comfortable reading my perversions and not wanting to edit them or baptize me since I am a vile fuckin' sinner with the shit I've created. Thus, I am typing them myself slowly, arduously, carefully trying to use a simple format versus buying a script-writing program.

Now I do groan softly when I see Jenna Jameson's book, and know that it was on the New York Time's bestsellers' list for eight (8) weeks. THIS was on the Time's list but I can't crack a MySpace blog placement above 300,000, meaning there are a quarter of a million people above me, so noone's reading me but the people that already know who I am. And I guess that's why I am working so hard at Google's 'Blogger' site instead; that and with Yahoo killing my last blog on their 360 page.

ASSHOLES!! FUCKIN' SCUMBAGS!!!

Interviews? I don't think so. Who am I going to interview, chatters & deviates? Other freaks & pervs? I don't think people seeking anominity would like their counter-lives being pushed up into the limelight nor should they have their 'real' faces shown. After all, would you want to see your kids' teacher is really they orgy mistress or their soccer coach is a dom-who uses young women as footstools in his cyber-life, or anything that could even get weird. (Yes, these are the tame things on-line; if you can't imagine the worst things in life as a norm then you're DEFINATELY not ready for these people! Trust me, there are some real weirdoes out there!)

So I need money, but what? Forgeries? Counterfeiting? That's very 'iffy' since the Secret Service WILL come down on my fat-ass & leave me someone's pet in a federal lock-up for 05 to 20. Actually, that would be for money, but art, IF SOLD, would be a felony for the amount of money the client is bilked out of after I think, $2000. That's where a misdemeanor becomes a felony for the dollar amount. Vermeer was a little-known Dutch artist, to whom about 35+ portraits were attributed, and during World War II a artist made 'undiscovered' paintings for Vermeer and sold them as the real thing. To not be sentenced as a Nazi collaborator he had toshow just how he made the fakes.

I've seen other pieces of art from a website where you can balance the art against the walls of your place or the couch, which we called "motel art", meaing it should match the scape of the room, not be something trulyspecial or intriguing or meaningful.

I don't want that in life either. Motel art, cheesiness or trite items don't nor would make me happy.

Something needs to come from my soul ... a reality check that won't bounce or burn up! SHIT!!
Am I an idiot? Or am I just scared? Lazy? Do I need self-motivation?

Is cyber-begging the answer? "HI ... I need $25,000, but have no reason to ask other than I am sure you have a way to make money and I am an uninspired, lazy or idiotic shithead so please send me money. And yes, I'll make sure you have a chance to see me say 'Thank you' in one of the MANY fuckin' lines of people. And THAT will make you special, so send me your cash, no matter your situation. Just make it a money order or send some bills in a dark envelope. Be careful - there's a $35 fee if the check bounces."

~lol~

Should I strip? I saw this on-line when I was investigating money-forgeries-counterfeiting and the like, and found an ad, which reminded me of the one "HUSTLER" magazine ran a while back. Tuition assistance, just by shedding your clothing or fucking the nasty guys for DVD's, porn sites and cumshots in their magazines. I know that I could see the double-standard working on my behalf, as women who've done porn are ostracized but men who do anything vulgar aren't given notice in any way.

~Sigh!~

(To be continued ... )





********** REFERENCES NOTES & LINKS **************

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367594/quotes - Charlie & the Chocolate Factory
http://delicious.com/Ambersn/money - money on a blog/HellNotes
http://www.cruelty.com/money/ - Tracking money
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girl_with_a_Pearl_Earring_(film) - Book currently being read
http://girl-with-a-pearl-earring.20m.com/ - Studying the book/times of story in depth
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Han_van_Meegeren - forgerer during World War 2 who was thought to be Nazi collaborator.
http://www.savekaryn.com/ - Needs help to make her coverage for $20,000 in bills.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karyn_Bosnak - biography about web-panhandler
http://brianx.com/br2csendmoneytrend.html - Cyber-begging explained
http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/feature/2002/10/02/karyn/ - more about Karyn Bosnak
http://countrystore.blogspot.com/2002_11_10_countrystore_archive.html - College tuition
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Make_Love_Like_a_Porn_Star:_A_Cautionary_Tale - Ain't This A Best-Seller
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080914/ap_en_ot/obit_wallace - Writer dead @ 46