Happy 2013

Well, the world didn't end, and we're all here regretting that last second reconnect or hook-up, the family member who should have stayed distant, and all the canned food and ammo we bought for our family .22 Marlin.

But there's a time & a place for everything, including regret.

I regret not spending more time here.  I regret not answering people over the holidays and I regret and hope to apologize for some weak, small responses and hope to make better on all the love and support given the previous year.

I am going to do my best to be a good teacher, but at 22K prorated for my Christian school I am not performing miracles.  On the plus side they treat me very well and I have conference and planning periods so I can't complain.

Love or lust?  That's gotta be on hold, though the occasional dalliance could be fun.

When that happens we'll account for it.

For now Happy New Year & God Bless you all.

Much love,

~j~

Thanksgiving 2012

I have much to be thankful for at this time: a new job, a chance to pay bills, a chance to feel less anxiety and a chance to be happy if I allow myself that chance.

I will do my best.  The poem/prayers below I found on this blog here.

A Thanksgiving Day Prayer

Lord, so often times, as any other day
When we sit down to our meal and pray
We hurry along and make fast the blessing
Thanks, amen. Now please pass the dressing
We’re slaves to the olfactory overload
We must rush our prayer before the food gets cold
But Lord, I’d like to take a few minute more
To really give thanks to what I’m thankful for
For my family, my health, a nice soft bed
My friends, my freedom, a roof over my head
I’m thankful right now to be surrounded by those
Whose lives touch me more than they’ll ever possibly know
Thankful Lord, that You’ve blessed me beyond measure
Thankful that in my heart lives life’s greatest treasure
That You, dear Jesus, reside in that place
And I’m ever so grateful for Your unending grace
So please, heavenly Father, bless this food You’ve provided
And bless each and every person invited
Amen!
–Scott Wesemann

Thanksgiving

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
–Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

We Gather Together

We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing;
He chastens and hastens his will to make known;
The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing,
Sing praises to his name: He forgets not his own.
Beside us to guide us, our God with us joining,
Ordaining, maintaining his kingdom divine;
So from the beginning the fight we were winning;
Thou, Lord, wast at our side, All glory be thine!
We all do extol thee, thou leader triumphant,
And pray that thou still our defender wilt be.
Let thy congregation escape tribulation;
Thy name be ever praised! O Lord, make us free!
Amen
–Traditional Thanksgiving Hymn
(A translation by Theodore Baker: 1851-1934)

Moravian Blessing

Come, Lord Jesus, our guest to be
And bless these gifts
Bestowed by Thee.
And bless our loved ones everywhere,
And keep them in Your loving care.

Abundant Blessing

We thank you for the turkey,
The gravy and the dressing.
Dear Lord, this table overflows
With Thy abundant blessing.
Let us always be aware
That all gifts come from You,
And may we serve Your heavenly will
In everything we do. Amen.
-Joanna Fuchs


Linus van Pelt: In the year 1621, the Pilgrims held their first Thanksgiving feast. They invited the great Indian chief Massasoit, who brought ninety of his brave Indians and a great abundance of food. Governor William Bradford and Captain Miles Standish were honored guests. Elder William Brewster, who was a minister, said a prayer that went something like this: 'We thank God for our homes and our food and our safety in a new land. We thank God for the opportunity to create a new world for freedom and justice."

Patricia 'Peppermint Patty' Reichardt: Amen.

Landing

Sorry about the delays people but I've been working long-term and trying to steal Wi-Fi unsuccessfully for a while so a friend of mine donated a used modem to my household and I now have the internet almost always, meaning I can publish my stories more often.

And ... I landed a job.  I am teaching 7th grade English at a private Christian Academy that shan't be named for legal and moral reasons.  Turpitude can be a reason for firing my fat ass so I'm staying quiet.

I have a few new stories but my novel stagnated; the model that promised photos hasn't contacted me so I guess I'm gonna have to hire someone to pose for me & for my advertising.

I must keep trying.  I had a growth (infected lump) on my back lanced which was a gross adventure it itself so I am going to try staying as healthy as possible.

What's next?  A novel or two by or after 2013 ... I gotta keep trying.

Thank you for all your words, notes and prayers.

Much love,




~j~

Not Dead Just ... Working I think

Greetings A/all,

My apologies for not having written sooner but I've got a long-term gig that's gonna actually end sooner than I imagined.

I'm finally reattached to the neighbors' WiFi and am hoping to at least get this entry posted tonight instead of being kicked off.  I don't know if they try monitoring but I am not going to Nickolodeon or Cartoon Network so they could wonder what kind of depraved sicko lives next door with his two dogs.

I still miss some people.  But I've gotta keep trying as much as possible.

Maybe dancing would help.  Or more painting.

What's gonna happen next is another story. Where I'll wind up after this next pay period is a mystery. Gotta keep plucking away at the wall. Take care people. Much love to all of you.

Gunfire & Second Chance Dolls

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Today

I don't know what to day for today as I have my second cup of coffee, feeding my dogs and thinking about making breakfast.  It's 8:50 a.m., no school called or teacher booked me for work this morning so I can clean, do laundry, and sell some of my collectibles on craigslist locally.

It's the anniversary of the tragedy of 09/11 and I'm unsure how to feel about it.

I'm saddened because some of my students have traveled overseas in the last decade, their smiles now faded, their demeanor grim, optimism in check and an uncertainty of why we're still there now that Osama Bin-Laden has been dispatched.  There's even a book about his death/murder/assignation, call-it-what-you-wish, being released today.


I don't know what to think: we sent boys overseas to stem the flow of mayhem and eliminate the creation of chaos and bring to justice the mastermind of this horror, the attacks on American soil.  Isn't it done?  Can't we bring them home and spend money on caring for these boys and their jarred memories and educate for tolerance instead of refitting airplanes with hot-and-cold running death?

In the past I have heard voice shouting that we need to rebuild the Twin Towers, akin to Hiroshima & Nagasaki being rebuilt after their atomic devastation.  But, when that occurred, it ended the war and began a way of creating a future with new life for our societies.  Shouldn't that have happened?

Maybe this is a test of rhetoric or specious logic to myself as a writer, or just to push out what I am feeling.  I saw a commercial recently that said, "Tomorrow I will ... " and people added things like shake the hand of a serviceman, police or fireworker, donate blood, help build a house.

Shouldn't we do these things every day?  Shouldn't we appreciate all our people do in any uniform they put on, weapon in hand, to care for our welfare?  Shouldn't we help the devastated, the unfortunate, the downtrodden, the sad, the less fortunate on a daily basis?  I don't have a lot, and sometimes I'm down to my last dollar, but that'll go away from my grip if someone ask me on the street.

Maybe I'm just full of shit today and every day, just like these guys.

But if you think I'm an asshole today I can understand.  

Remember the loss, do good, hope for the best of tomorrow.

Guess that's all.

Bye for today; watch for tomorrow.

Wanted: A Polaroid & a Prayer

Quit dwelling on the negative things people have said about you. You don't have to have everyone's approval. You have God's approval. ~ Joel Osteen

Jesus answered, “What God wants you to do is to believe in the one He sent.” John 6:29

Don't apologize for Who or What you are...

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:5-5 NIV)

****

Today I was called as I scribbled another 500 +/- words for my new short stories, thinking carefully about how I can draw a little attention to myself and to my hopes of being a selling published writer.  My phone buzzed and it wasn't the usual bill collector trying to inch $300+ from my empty wallet, but a woman aching to get through college and attain her degree; she needed help with a annotated bibliography project, and I needed a break from trying to clean my tiny place and scribbling in the heat, or worrying about what was gonna happen next, or how to fight past the block of a few sentences I couldn't complete.

I went to Starbuck's and talked to her, asking her if she'd read the article she was trying to summarize and explain.  She'd read it twice but hadn't felt it sink in yet, asking a lot of questions about the minute references C.S. Lewis had in the article.  He also had many different play on words ideas floating in and out, making her a little more frustrated.  So I sat down, read the article, read her assignment, read her text book, read the syllabus, and finally asked her some pointed questions, such as "Did she understand what she read", and "Why is this important?", and so forth.

After working for 3 hours on this, rewriting it twice and me nagging her like I nag my students, I started talking on a more personal level.  Mind you, the woman is a very deep-believing Christian, holding tight to her faith when all else collapses around her.  She's kinda a role model from time to time, but didn't know about this part of me, the erotic writer, until today.

Well, after helping her and gossiping about a mutual friend, she said, "I gotta tell you something: you intimidate me, and I need that, as a source of a challenge to do my best work and try as hard as possible."

That statement took me off-guard, and after I asked why, she said, "Because you always seem larger than life, with all the things that have happened, good and bad.  Chasing women, fights, all the weird knowledge you possess, all the things I've seen you do, like cooking and dancing.  That's why you probably scare a lot of people."

All she told me took me off guard, maybe because I've been so down on myself and fearful, letting insecurity tear into my mind, body and soul, I ignored the people around me who see me as I should see myself.  Chances happen, things occur, the Universe unfolds and  should not look as if I've lost but am free to try something else.

Before she left, she said, "Can I pray for you?" 

"You can do whatever you want.  No prayer goes wasted," I replied.

Without hesitation she grabbed my hand, held it tight, and prayed aloud for my success, my future job, my love, my heart, my faith, my lust, my dreams, finances and anything else I had on my mind and in my barrel of anxieties.

Optimism could be flourishing faster than I can imagine.

Now I just need a Polaroid model.  If you've seen my novel covers you know I am trying to do something wicked to grab the attention of people who read my books, and I am looking for a model to pose for me.  I had a friend tell me that noone would ever know if I took a random pic from the internet, but I'd know.  That and someone could come back & whine about never getting paid and thus I'd be on the hook for a LOT of cash/damages/royalties.  If I secure a model now, maybe I can avoid the chaos.

This image is something I used in a previous blog and I shall detail further in my art blog, next door.

Ciao for now.

p.s. "For those of you who wish you, you may say, "I did that already", or "I told you so."