The Depravity Rainbow

If & Desiderata

2012-01-22T22:07:00.005-07:00

If by Rudyurd Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

******

Desiderata by Max Erhmann

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Happy 2012

2012-01-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

I am scribbling my first blog for the New Year.

Happy 2012 everyone!

I have been ill with congestion and some friends gathered to get me some cough syrup with codine, a half box of Musinex, and oranges and bananas to keep the Vitamin C and potassium inside my body. I've been drinking more water, more chamomille tea, and coffee. No cold drinks, no Pibb Xtra, no Dr. Pepper, no meals out for over a week. Just the aforementioned fruits, canned soup, and Vienna sausages chopped up to add to the soup.

I am getting ready reading the lesson plans for a teacher who wants me to take over for her when she goes on maternity leave. Sadly, HR tells me I can't go in until the water breaks and I don't want to take a job for someone else then suddenly have to leave and put that teacher into the round-robin of crappy substitutes. After I drop a job it goes back into the pot and either someone picks it or the district assigns it but the teacher loses all control of who's in the room in their absence.

So today I am writing and cleaning. I can try making a dent in the mess I've accumulated, maybe cart some things off to storage, Goodwill, and so forth. I've gotta try drawing and making things happen this year. If the world ends then all my dreams die with me. If I don't strike first someone else could do an idea I have better than me and that would sadden me greatly.

Oh ... and I also have to sign up for a drivers' ed class as quick as possible. I'm due back in court on the 23 of January, 2012 for speeding in a school zone. Sadly it was the day I was called in at the last second and I couldn't blame it on the principal. Now speeding isn't a worry any longer. Of course my court cost were $175 that were non-refundable but thems the breaks, right?

My sister had her usual New Year's blowout and made menudo. If you don't know this dish it's fats, bones, hominy and many other spicy and frightening things. That and a few shots made the blockage go away faster than the medication.

I am on the mend. I am on the spiritual mend too and working a little harder each time.

Thanks for listening.

Love you all bunches!

afare24get

Singing Aloud & Unapologetically

2011-12-25T21:24:00.002-07:00

"Mary Did You Know"

[Originally written by Mark Lowry and Buddy Greene]
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know.. Ooo Ooo Ooo

The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.

Lyrics found here.

I'm not known for singing; my voice is flat and broad, and I have a small tickle in my throat that is either hereditary or just a condition that shows I should NOT be singing. But today, Christmas, I was at 8:00 a.m. mass and this song came up on the projectors in the church for group singing. I couldn't resist and I wouldn't have ever thought of not singing along with the choir no matter how softly I sang or whether I was off-key, missing the marks, or even if anyone looked or not.

I was able to sing one of my favorite songs, period. I was able to sing without reservation, needing to be part of something, or conscious of what others thought at that moment.

And then it happened ... kinda freaked me out.

I could feel myself crying. It hasn't been an amazing year, and it hasn't been a great Christmas as I am still living off the crumbs of a substitute teachers' salary, hoping that my dreams come true someway ... somehow. I'm fearful of mediocrity and worried this is as good as my expression ever becomes, and yet I keep plucking at the Wall.

Is the Wall inside me? Have I given my failures a greater importance than they truly deserve? Or am I just scared and anxious?

Right now it's a step-by-step process and all I can do is keep trodding forward until something happens and I have to keep smiling and hoping and working and wishing, dream by dream ... moment by moment.

Maybe those little tears were supposed to come out of me. Maybe this is the time when we're all supposed to feel loved and to love one another.

One more step. 2012 is on the horizon. Either the end of the World or the beginning of a New Day.

We'll see.

Thanks for listening.

Much love,

~ j ~

Merry Christmas Apology

2011-12-24T00:31:00.000-07:00

Dearest Friends,

Merry Christmas. If that's not how you roll then 'Happy Holidays.' I wish you the blessings and love this season allows and I pray you're had a successful year and are headed into an even greater light of joy, love, pleasure and happiness.

You deserve it and I can only hope it happens for you.

It's been a hell of a year and I am trying to make all my own dreams come true, thus neglecting this blog, some of my stories and the chances I've been given to date. I shall be making more efforts as always, and I shan't end the struggle for my dreams ... ever.

I am sorry that I don't have any goodies to send out so I am taking a moment from this life to say thank you to all my supporters and those of you who always wish me well and hope for my personal best.

"Thank you. God bless you for all you've done to keep me sane and level."

2012 promises something new ... let's see what happens next.

Always,

~ j ~

*****

Dear Santa (or Satan if necessary)

Either one visiting me would make me smile ...

Gianna Michaels (ex) or Katarina Hartlova (ex)

I promise to leave milk & cookies.

Always,

afare24get

Dreams on Loan

2011-12-11T23:09:00.001-07:00

5.7Million

It’s8:15 a.m., Sunday morning and I am typing, trying to express what I saw/felt inmy dreams. The first thing I dreamt wasthat I opened one of my Student Loan notes for payment to learn, with interestand penalties, I owed 5.7 million dollars and they wanted a payment of $30,000 +/- so I sent them a check for$25 in a money order. I dropped a stampthen sent it off in the mail.

Iwent to sleep around 2:00 a.m., the last thing on my mind being a portrait ofJoan Crawford after seeing the special, “Secrets of the Will”, and seeing whathappened to her family. Super sad &creepy too.

Myfirst dream was about someone I miss/missed a great deal. She was reentering my life (which is in the realm of TOTAL fiction) eventhough several years have passed. Shetold me she wasn’t leaving her home but she’d meet me in the middle of both ourplaces. She had actually come to my homeand visited my family, who all took to her quite easily, liking herimmediately. We kept finding ourselvesoutdoors, surrounded by large trees and open woods. I found myself kissing her again, holdingher, amazed she hadn’t aged, changed or differed in any way since the last timeI laid eyes on her gorgeous figure.

The next thing that I rememberis being in a shelter/gym/mall situation with a group of kids/teens due to someoccurrence for us to congregate. Maybe Iwas a leader, I don’t remember, but everyone was dressed for summer: shorts,t-shirts, flip-flops, bikini tops and the like. I didn’t question it nor do I remember anyone eating anything but that’swhat was going on at that moment. Nowthat night I was sleeping in my mattress, when a busty brunette with big haircame onto the edge, wearing a t-shirt, shaking me gently, whispering, “Can Istay here?”

She reminded me of Vanessa DelRio and Lisa Ann in the same breath with a hint of color on her skin, but notas old. She was in her early 30’s when Ifirst saw her in action so this was a younger woman/version of her. (Infact, she kinda looked like this young internet model.)

“Sure”, I mumbled, and turned myback to her. We were ass to ass, and Iwas trying to give her space so she could relax. Suddenly, a hand came to my shoulder, and Iheard, “That’s not what I meant.”

So I turned over, and she hadher back to me. I spooned her, placingone hand over her stomach, stroking it and feeling her belly through hert-shirt. She wiggled, and then movedcloser, keeping me pressed tight to her body. I kissed the back of her neck, and she rolled over, one knee atop theother, smiling at me in the darkness. Ilooked down at her, and she smiled back. I felt my body moving closer, my waist working to spread her thighs,kissing her chin and her eyes fluttered. She whispered, “That’s what I meant.”

“Really?” I could feel my cock slipping between hercheeks, then up along her thigh and slowly into the sweet spot that made hereyes flutter again, her smile widen and her breast start heaving as she let hert-shirt ride up, baring the perfect hard nipples to me, which disappeared intodarkness as I fell face-down to lick/suck them. (And anyone who knows me knows I am a breast man.)

I awoke briefly to barking dogs,as there has been a goat loose nearby and it’s neck-bell makes a clangingsound, so I rose, opened the door to my shanty and let them loose, allowingthem to bark all they pleased. Before Islipped and arose to release the dogs, I thought she said, “You won’t let anyone else cum in me will you?”

Idon’t know why but for some reason … maybe it’s my hidden perversions but I felt it was something akin to maybea bisexual reference or an orgy idea/ideal/condom use. Totally unsure but something I registered inmy head. Either way she was smiling andthat was enough for me.

Ifinally arose around 8:00 a.m. and have been sitting here ever since, editing,rewriting, sipping coffee, feeding dogs, occasionally looking for internet pornand checking e-mails. I can’t say dreamsmean nothing, and I can’t honestly say I can translate them as they’re personalto our own fears and desires, emotions and failings. Failure is someone I am familiar with like myown Shadow; in fact, I think he is a Shadow, a sense of all I could be or all Icould have been, and am still trying to capture even at this age, at this time.

It’s11:30 p.m. and I have work in the morning. I’ve got to steam my slacks and a shirt, polish my shoes and make sure Ishave and have my morning coffee. I amsupposed to do the announcements in the morning, as I am taking the place ofthe student council sponsor who also teaches Algebra and Geometry at the middleschool I’ll be at in the morning.

Happy Christmas

2011-12-07T12:07:00.001-07:00

Hello dearreaders.

No I have not diedor dropped off the face of the earth, been hospitalized or becomeborn-again. Nothing so severe. I am just busy substitute teaching; andteachers are grabbing every possible day they can, knowing they can leave me incharge to care for their classes, kids, technology and personal effects. I can run GradeBook, GradeSpeed, RSCCC,(which some districts STILL use) and can keep tabs on the kids without fallingapart as a teacher.

Now as an artist, Iam trying to do a few new things. Mypersonal life isn’t as much fun as it’s been in the past and I am just hopingto see a few dreams/attempts happen before I settle into mediocrity.

I have beenfighting that for years.

I know I’ll neversurrender but I don’t want to be like “The Kid’s” dad in Purple Rain. I don’t want my children or friends to find acache of unmet or unfulfilled dreams.

Holiday breakstarts soon. Some of you can expect somethingevery cool. Other I may make an offerfor something interesting to your postal mail.

Thanks forlistening.

Much love,

Afare24get

Happy Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T15:41:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween gang.

Thank you for all the wonderful notes, comments and heartfelt offers of joy and understand. They're all appreciated.

Next test in January 2012 so obviously the world's not coming to an end.

Take care.

~j~

Now why aren't they coming to ring my doorbell for a treat?
;-)

Certification Results

2011-10-30T19:54:00.002-07:00

I failed ... again.

Amazing Story - Gotta Read

2011-10-24T07:28:00.001-07:00

ERCIS, Turkey (Reuters) - A fiance's love saved 25-year-old teacher Gul Karacoban from being left to die under the rubble of a restaurant she was eating at when a deadly earthquake struck eastern Turkey.

Brought out alive on Monday along with two colleagues, after 18 hours pinned under a mound of concrete and masonry, she was stretchered into an ambulance while paramedics assured her desperate fiance she would be alright.

"All I want is for her to live, I don't care if she injured or not. It doesn't matter, I just want her alive," air force Lieutenant Onur Eryasar told a Reuters photographer before climbing into the ambulance.

When the quake struck, Eryasar rushed from his base in Van to the town of Ercis some 100 km (60 miles) away to find Karacoban, and by talking with her friends and colleagues he learnt where she had gone to lunch.

Finding the restaurant in the dark, he shouted out her name. Hearing the voices of other people trapped in the collapsed building he persuaded one of the rescue teams to begin digging.

By late Monday morning his perseverance was rewarded as the young woman was carried out, alive and conscious.

At least 239 people died in Sunday's 7.2 magnitude earthquake that struck the cities of Van and Ercis, but hundreds more were feared dead and trapped beneath collapsed buildings.

Elsewhere in Ercis, a town of 100,000, a rescue worker stepped carefully down the heap of dust and rubble that had once been an internet cafe, cradling a tiny boy of maybe three years old.

His neck protected by a brace, the boy was crying as he was carried in his rescuer's arms to a waiting ambulance.

Another man emerged stunned, looking round in disbelief as he sat on the debris that he'd been buried under overnight in the bitter cold. Assisted down to the road, he stumbled away into the crowd.

A Reuters photographer saw a woman and her daughter being freed from beneath a concrete slab in the wreckage of a building that had once been six stories tall.

"I'm here, I'm here," the woman, named Fidan, called out in a hoarse voice. Talking to her regularly while working for more than two hours to find a way through, the rescuers cut through the slab, first sighting the daughter's foot, before finally freeing them.

They were alive, but their bodies were badly swollen. Four dead bodies were pulled from the same building.

Distraught relatives continued their vigil in quake-stricken towns and villages.

"SHE WAS ALIVE... SHE'S WEARING RED PAJAMAS"

In Van, the provincial capital of 1 million people on the shores of Turkey's largest lake, fewer buildings collapsed.

But the quake destroyed a seven-story apartment block, home to around 40 families.

"Our grief is huge. My uncle's wife and her children are under the rubble," said one woman watching heavy lifting machinery trying to remove the slabs of fallen concrete.

"All our houses are damaged. We are staying in the youth sports center," she said, before breaking down in tears.

Another woman told Reuters her aunt and little cousin were buried somewhere in a concertina of concrete slabs. At another site a mother said her 24-year-old son, a veterinarian student, was also missing under the rubble.

Emergency workers from half a dozen rescue teams worked frantically to clear debris from a collapsed four-storey building that had housed eight apartments, fearful rising smoke meant there was a fire burning somewhere down below.

Nobody, either dead or alive, had been brought out of the wrecked building so far, though one woman told a rescue worker she had spoken to a friend, Hatice Hasimoglu, on her mobile phone six hours after the quake and she was trapped inside.

The 24-year-old pre-school teacher had been living on the first floor of the building.

"She called me to say that she's alive and she's stuck in the rubble near the stairs of the building," said her friend, a fellow teacher. "She told me she was wearing red pajamas," she said, standing with relatives begging the rescue workers to hurry.

(Additional reporting by Omer Berberoglu and Osman Orsal in ERCIS and Seda Sezer in VAN; Writing by Simon Cameron-Moore; Edited by Richard Meares)

Original Link Here

And a new cartoon link on my other blog here

Rolling in the Deep

2011-10-10T22:26:00.004-07:00

Lyrics | Adele lyrics - Rolling In The Deep lyrics

Don't worry dear readers ... still moving. Went to court today & I had to update my DL but what's a $160, right? ~lol~

My battery was $100 but that's okay 'cause at least I can keep driving & working.

Honestly, things could always be worse, so I shall keep smiling & move forward and make my best efforts in teaching and becoming an artist.

Night everyone.

Take care ... keep smiling.

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/adele/rolling_in_the_deep.html

Update - Be Water

2011-10-03T12:12:00.002-07:00

I don't know if I am confident. Maybe a lack of success keeps me from saying, like Ali, "I AM the Greatest!" But I can't worry. That day will come one day soon.

My battery died, and I need to take my dog to the vet's, so everything is rescheduled and I am going to borrow a truck from a family member to take care of this before diving into getting a new battery.

That's it.

Glad to see my friends writing, posting pictures, or looking at new lives with new smiles.

Take care everyone. I'll keep you all posted on my certification test.

"Be Like Water" Bruce Lee by ~BenjiMC on deviantART

Someone else did the art but I thought it fit nicely in with this moment. No panic, no crying, no freaking out, just flowing.

Celebratory Meatloaf

2011-09-25T07:05:00.002-07:00

Oh, Hi, I'm Jay and this is my hetero-life-mate, Silent Bob. ~ Jay/ Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

My old hetro-life partner, a guy who was by my side in the 90's as I coursed through the worst of my drinking binges and emotional spirals, called me yesterday. He told me he had a surprise for me since he knew I was fried after my certification exam.

Beers in the cooler, and meatloaf on the plates!

We chatted about some of the things that were popping up among the old classmates and the rumor mill was in full effect, so we chatted, ate & watched SNL till I finally went to my little hovel and put my pups to bed so I could get some sleep and relax.

Anyway, that was my night, and my day. I took 4.5 hours out of the 5 hours allotted for the test and I tried everything I could imagine to make my test successful. My students were telling me they were rooting for me since they like my teaching methods, and they seem to care for me as much as I care for them.

Prayer to St. Jude, fingers crossed, prayers done, studying done. I can't get my hopes up since the test is mired in minutiae so I'll plan for a back-up test date in 3 weeks in case I fail again. No holding my breath or hedging my bets; I just keep trying until I pass.Thanks for listening gang.

Awakening

2011-09-23T20:46:00.004-07:00

It's a little before 11pm and I am going to bed. I LOATHE studying and yet, it's a necessary evil since I want (or need) to become a teacher to pay the bills and have a future.

I shall be awakening at 530 am and having coffee and breakfast before going to the UTSA downtown site.

Gotta keep trying, right?

I hope I am not becoming like my hero, Peggy Hill, and being too bull-headed to learn from my mistakes.

On my other blog is a prayer to St. Jude for a little success in my test in the morning.

Wish me luck.

~ j ~

Detective Shaved Longcock: Porn filming on Los Angeles firetrucks 'unacceptab...

2011-09-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

Detective Shaved Longcock: Porn filming on Los Angeles firetrucks 'unacceptab...: CLICK @ BLOG TO SEE THE UNCENSORED IMAGE Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa said Thursday he was concerned about reports that Los Ange...

(You're gonna have to read the rest on that blog!)

Angels in the backfield

2011-09-21T07:42:00.004-07:00

"Sometimes you need to recognize that there are angels out there watching you fly ... keeping you safe with their hopes and dreams. Thank you." And now ... a chuckle. I was rereading & thinking about what I'd need to keep going besides determination. I think the one thing I need to do is never stop my projects. Fruitlessness won't make me a success. I just need to keep moving on ... "keep on trucking."

3 Could Be the Charm

2011-09-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

I am scribbling this before I go to bed a little before 1am Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. My long-term gigs were cancelled due to me not being certified as a teacher. So I am working to keep making ends meet as often as possible.

I cancelled a few other gigs because I thought I'd be in long-term as an English teacher, but the Superintendent refused having me in the spot. The teacher in that spot originally had to leave due to a illness in the family and resigned her post. The Super refused her position and was going to have HER pay for the spot for a substitute, thus cutting into her salary. I know this lady well enough to know she wouldn't abandon her kids if there were any other way.

The Principal shifted ALL her students, thus moving 100 students, including athletics, special needs and GT students to where they'd all fit. Thus some rooms are bulging at 27 - 30 kids, and other have maybe 13 kids out of 20 that are special needs meaning they're behavior, motivational, or emotional wrecks. They're the ones who start fires, bite students and teachers, and end confrontations with flying furniture. Spreading them out among 4 teachers worked, but redistributing them will create anarchy.

I called a friend of mine who's an attorney, and he said nothing could be done due to the clause in her contract, leaving the final position for "termination of services" in the hands of the Superintendent. She could fight it but would love money in the long run just because of the drawn-out pay used instead of for her benefit, to pay for mediocre substitutes. THUS I thought I'd be working, and cancelled some other jobs because this was the will of the teacher: I take over so they kids don't get sent to other teachers.

Admin had other ideas and they're all in the wind. I am finishing the grades from last week, making sure they have some increases since a LOT of them had 30-60's as averages for their progress reports.

Saturday is my next certification test.

Three's the charm, right?

Take care & thanks for listening.

Some People

2011-09-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

Some people sit on their butts;

got the dream, yeah, but not the guts.

That's living for some people,

for some hum-drum people I suppose.

Well, they can stay and rot!

But not Rose!

Some People – from the play “Gypsy”

In the United States we’re commemorating the fall of the Twin Towers, something that always seemed so immovable, so mighty, and like the US economy, we’re learning we too, can fall without warning. I have one story to tell regarding that day, and it’s the only one I can recall, yet I won’t share it on a larger scale, nor will I link this page back with any markers regarding it. I’m sharing it with the people who mean something to me, not the world in general.

(Should fame follow me one day this story will be better-known, but there are many, and my life doesn’t revolve around it.)

I was in college and trying to succeed as a part-time student/substitute teacher when this tragedy happened. I was on the Literotica boards waiting for a friend of mine when my mother called me, saying on the phone, “Did you see it? Someone flew an airplane into a New York skyscraper.”

Sounded impossible: “You’re kidding ma, that’s not possible.”

She replied quickly: “They say it’s on the internet. And it’s on TV too.”

I went to my laptop instead of the TV and found video footage streaming/replaying on Yahoo. I thought it had to be some kind of prank in all honesty, and felt ‘Maybe someone’s fuckin’ with the world wide web. World’s greatest prank.’

I saw the footage, unable to believe the POV from the street as I looked at the belly of an airplane closing in then disappearing into the glass windows and a fireball flashed out. A friend of mine from California sent me a note asking if I saw it. I replied that there was a level of denial and disbelief but I couldn’t turn away. It was the World Trade Center, something indomitable. I was reading everything I could find and I was glancing to the monitor as often as I could while trying to get ready for class. I dressed, shutting down the laptop, trying to rethink about my day and what was gonna happen to society. I knew we as Americans don’t take to change, and we’re resistant (or believe we’re immune) to whatever happens around the world, so I went to school, driving, listening to NPR and wondering what’s gonna happen next today. NPR said there was a rumor that one plane was headed for the White House and the Pentagon had been struck. I shut off the truck, the last word being that two fighter jets were chasing it along the Potomac to possibly shoot it down.

(This is later learned to be United 93, where the passengers fought and crashed their own plane instead of allowing the terrorist to follow their own plans against this country.)

When I entered the corridors and outer halls of the school, I found people had pushed or pulled TV’s out and were watching with breath held the same vision I had seen earlier. The news was replaying the atrocity again and again, telling us where else the planes had struck. I was still thinking about my friends around the country, trying to recall if there was anyone I knew on the East Coast or if I should just sit in my tiny place and wait for whatever inevitability would occur today.

I could hear my shrill teacher’s voice, saying, “I guess we’re gonna wait a little longer.”

When I stepped into the room (late as usual) every head turned towards me, and I stared back. The group was unblinking, and we were using information gleaned from radios, e-mails, and TV as Smart Phone’s hadn’t come into being or onto a common use factor yet.

The teacher looked at me, asking, “What have you heard?”

I said matter-of-factly, “Two fighter planes are possibly chasing a jet headed down the Potomac towards the White house.”

She looked down at her ugly shoes, then at the class. We all stared at her, then a young man who was in the SAPD (local police department) stood up, edging out past me, leaving the room quietly. No one said anything; we knew he was going to be reporting to duty or waiting on-call for whatever would be next that day. Finally the teacher looked at us and said, “Class dismissed. We’ll meet again Thursday if there’s a place for us to meet.”

I went to see my folks, wrote in my personal journals, and thought little about myself for once. I cried, prayed, messaged, chatted and waited, like the rest of the country, to learn more about the infamous coordinator, Osama Bin-Laden and what panic looks like when we’re caught unaware.

Our lives have returned to a certain level of normal. We have lost whatever humanity made us donate blood, give money, and want to drive to New York or even to enlist in the military service. We’re still selfish and conceited, and we need to change.

I feel ghoulish. A teacher I know is suddenly losing a family member; she sent me an e-mail that had a sense of finality. It felt like my last job, where the teacher was falling apart slowly, but in this situation, it’s a rapid descent to sadness. She didn’t even ask me to pack anything for her, just offer it to the other teachers and toss the rest into recycle. I feel bad, since there are fewer teacher jobs available currently, and there are a lot of other teachers losing their jobs and I still haven’t passed my certification test yet. I’m taking my next one Saturday the 24^th at 8:00am and I hope this will be the last one for my job. Maybe then I won’t feel like such a fraud working at the schools.

Even then I don’t think I’ll feel like a teacher, or at least a teacher for what I’d like to do but it’s something I’ve gotta do right now with all the bill collectors calling me at all hours. I’m alive and I am still trying people, friends and readers … and some of you I owe so much for all your support and assistance. I haven’t given up on my dreams, but it’s slow going.

But it’s still going.

Thanks for listening as always.

Love,

~ j ~

09/11/01 Timeline

Sux 2-B Me (I mean ... Sucks to be me)

2011-08-19T15:13:00.003-07:00

My long-term gig was just cancelled and I am now waiting to see what's gonna happen next week.

I'd better keep studying for that test on 09/24 and keep painting while there's time.

A couple of teachers are asking for me to take over when they go on maternity leave so we'll see what comes next around the corner.

Thanks for listening & take care.

~ J ~

I am the Law! ~roflmao!~

2011-08-16T08:41:00.002-07:00

I am not the law actually, but I am the law enforcement teacher. What that is I don't really know but after my rousing success with the Hottentots last year I guess I got a good reputation for being able to teach, handle technology, and lesson plans of my own accord.

So the local high school asked me to come in for the first 5 weeks of school, teaching law enforcement as a class more than likely teaching the Constitution and how laws are affected by it. I'm sure there's a manual, a series of PowerPoint slide/presentations to use for note taking, and a time when I'll have to administer test. I have a calendar to track all this and grades.

The original teacher is out on some medical situation that noone has elaborated about to me ... yet.

After that a few teachers are already trying to book me for certain phases in their upcoming year. Some are having babies, and need maternity leave, thus putting me in for 5-6 weeks at a time.

And I'll be taking my certification test again on September 24, 2011.

I don't know what to expect with this class. It's a high-school electives class; they're all teenagers; they're all sure they know more than anyone else in the world. I guess I'll have to see what I see myself being for them: Judge Dredd, or the Lawgiver.

Thanks for listening everyone.

Take care.

~ j ~

500+ blogs ALREADY??!!

2011-07-29T06:57:00.005-07:00

it's kinda hard to believe that with my life going to pot as it has, there are still loyal readers waiting to see what mischief or success happens next, and for that I thank you.

Although this is posting # 502, I was surprised that I've gone so far. Yes, I am yammering constantly about my lack of success and love, but I also know that you have to go far to know the adventure of life.

"It's not the destination, it's the journey."

So here's to the first 502 as of today, and to another 500 soon.

Thanks for listening.

♥

~ j ~

********

A Few of my favorite songs

2011-07-28T21:31:00.000-07:00

I grew up with music. My parents always had it on playing on stations in English, Spanish and those for talk radio (bilingual of course, so we could get our prayers in too.) but I could never make music.

I love singing. I love that someone sang to me once; that feeling can't be replaced. I like church simply for the music, and I love plays when they're musicals such as Hair, the Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon, and so many others that can't be named or listed at this time.

So here's a few for tonight. Enjoy.

♥

*****

Al Martino - "To Each His Own"

2011-07-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

A rose must remain with the sun and the rain
Or its lovely promise won't come true
To each his own, to each his own
And my own is you

What good is a song if the words don't belong
And a dream must be a dream for two
No good alone to each his own
For me there's you

If a flame is to grow there must be a glow
To open each door there's a key
I need you I know, I can't let you go
Your touch means too much to me

Two lips must insist on two more to be kissed
Or they'll never know what love can do
To each his own, I've found my own
One and only you

A rose must remain with the sun and the rain
Or its lovely promise won't come true
To each his own, I've found my own
One and only you

©PARAMOUNT MUSIC CORP

Lyrics found here

44

2011-07-16T23:15:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday to Me

It’s July 16, 2011, and I have been 44 years old for 3 days now. A friend of mine is offering to buy me a website for my birthday so I can launch my dubious career as an erotic writer. He’s hoping it will launch me into a sexual stratosphere with writers like Diablo Cody, who is now writing other things such as movie screenplays and books.

I am seriously thinking about it, and I am thinking hard regarding this idea.

This past Spring a friend & fellow blogger sent me some art supplies, which was a super-cool jump start to my feelings. I am working hard not to let her (or anyone else who’s been encouraging) or myself down. I’ve been studying for the latest test for certification, which is 4-8 generalist, meaning I’d be teaching the Hottentots, not the Mighty Mites, nor the big kids. The ones in the middle, which is where I was 90% of last year, would be the next class/group I would teach. I’ve also got a little anxiety about testing, since I know I can be nervous an fuck up badly, screwing up my future and paying for nothing. I’ve blown (since ’09) $350 taking test.

I just want it to be done.

I just want to move on.

(Pause)

A friend of mine recently told me that I am a successful teacher, a good teacher, and that may be my place in life.

In my heart of hearts I am fighting it, and I don’t want to continue on this path.

I’ve been teaching for 15 years, in some capacity, and it truly doesn’t make me happy.

I’d like to be like Gaughin, leaving for Tahiti, painting tropical beauties, and living a life of solitude and quiet, but that’s not in the cards.

I have to say thank you for those who’ve gone out of their way to remind me I am a worthwhile human being, making me smile with little courtesies and warmth, showing me that I can be someone who means something to others. All I need to do is believe it myself.

Thank you all for making my birthday a wonderful smile.

Blessings & Love,

~ j ~

p.s. “My mother was just cleared of her cancer treatments. We haven’t discussed remission, continuing treatments or anything else. There’s just a lot of tears and taking in all that this year has been emotionally for all of us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, support and good thoughts. They are all appreciated.”

Being a Cancer

2011-06-27T22:28:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I never thought I'd tell something this personal on-line, but I need to vent, and I don't keep a lot bottled-up when I am blogging; and aside from my journals I need to keep sane with my mediocre life.

Exhale, then write.

Right now I am in the phase of Cancer in my life, per this year, and I am trying to come to terms with my mother having it.

The doctors have given her a 85-90% clearance, and honestly, this is the first I have spoken of it outside my family. I shan't say much more but needless to day I am thinking harder about my own life, shortcomings and sadness.

I see the cancer I've been to others, and to myself, lowering my personal esteem and drying out my dreams to fold them away in my journals.

So my mornings are sketches, trying to stay off-line, and missing a LOT of people, but hopefully repaying them with something beautiful.

I gotta keep trying, right?

My mother has always been supportive of any of my dreams no matter how odd, bizarre or where they've taken me. In a year I need to have a prostate check, and see where I am, since there are some males with some hereditary disease which I'll need to be aware of for the future.

But the future is now isn't it?

Hopefully soon ...

Thanks for listening.

If you've ever been a hacker or pirate WATCH OUT!!

2011-06-16T09:38:00.001-07:00

Reference here

LulzSec wages war with Anonymous and 4Chan, releases 62,000 logins

The Internet underground has erupted in civil war, with hacker groups LulzSec and Anonymous facing off in a DDoS battle. Oh, and your most precious online accounts might also be at risk. Just FYI...

The rascally hackers of Lulz Security have unleashed pure havoc on the entire Internet today with the release of 62,000 email-password combos that serve as the login credentials for, well, we’re not exactly sure — the group, better known as LulzSec, won’t say explicitly. But so far Twitter users have reported hacked Gmail, PayPal, Facebook, Hotmail and Twitter accounts related to the stolen data, so it appears that nothing’s safe if you’re unlucky enough to have made the list.

The lulz seem to be going both ways with this one: good and nauseatingly bad. While at least one user reports having received an email chocked full of child pornography, others have gotten (un-earned) super-boosts to their World of Warcraft accounts (at the expense of someone else, of course). All-in-all, it would seem LulzSec’s shenanigans are going precisely according to plan.

In addition to the leak, LulzSec has begun to take shots at an unlikely target: 4Chan.org and its infamous /b/ message board. 4Chan is famously the original home of another hacker group, Anonymous, and is the source of a wide variety of popular Internet memes, like LolCats and Rick Rolling.

According to VentureBeat, the moves against 4Chan began after LulzSec kicked-off a “DDoS party” on a variety of websites and game servers popular with gamers, including that of EVE Online, League of Legends and Minecraft, all of which faced outages or major slow-downs because of the flood of malicious traffic.

Visitors to 4Chan’s /v/ imageboard, whose users focus on video games, caught wind of the attacks, and began their own DDoS campaign against anything related to LulzSec.
Today, LulzSec continued the civil war of the online underground with a series of tweets meant to provoke 4Chan visitors.

“Everybody visit this cool and edgy imageboard, they love new members!” wrote LulzSec on its 150,000-follower-strong Twitter feed, with a link to /b/. “Ask them how to triforce and how to become legion.” LulzSec followed this up with a variety of other tweets drawing attention to /b/, with suggestions for how to annoy its regular users.

It may seem odd to some that LulzSec would hit so close to Anonymous’ home, seeing as they are both hacker groups that have hit similar targets. (Or, in the case of Sony, the same target.) But LulzSec has consistently denied any relation to Anonymous. And now, it seems, the two groups are at war.

“We are the concentrated success of 2005 /b/, being ‘hunted’ by the 2011 furry horde. Challenge accepted, losers,” Anonymous posted to its Twitter account.
At the beginning of this writting, 4Chan either failed to load or loaded extremely slowly, a sign that a DDoS attack was underway. By the the time of publication, the site was running smoothly.

Link Here

Pop Art & Music

2011-06-07T17:57:00.001-07:00

Eyes On Fire lyrics found at elyricsworld.com

Now it's time to paint with a brush as well as words.

Now.

Thank you for your prayers & support.

Always,

~ j ~

Blowing Kisses in the Wind

2011-05-29T05:43:00.003-07:00

So tell baby tell

Your true heart

Say what you say

When you're all alone

I'm trying

Trying to try

And feel you

And see if I see

I'm feeling alone

And all I want is

To get through

So baby, you'd see that the

Way you're leaving me

It won't do

It's like I'm...

Chorus:

Blowing kisses in the wind

Givin' you love that you

Haven't been given

I cross my heart

And hope to die

I'm only wishing you'd

Love me like I

Blowing kisses in the wind

Waiting, waiting, waiting

Waiting for you's

Like blowing, blowing kisses

So please baby please release me

If time over time

Your heart's growing cold

I'm saying

If you don't believe in believing

Then how could true love ever be so

And all I want is

To get through

So maybe you'd see that the

Way you're leaving me

It won't do

It's like I'm

Chorus

Like I'm blowing kisses

I'm some-biddy-bum-bum

Like I'm blowing kisses

And all I want is

To get through

So maybe you'd see that the

Way you're leaving me

It won't do

It's like I'm...

Chorus

Like I'm blowing

Kisses in the wind

Like I'm blowing

Kisses in the wind

Like I'm blowing

Kisses in the wind

Waiting for you is like

Blowing, blowing kisses

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/paula-abdul/blowing-kisses-in-the-wind.html

This morning I am not going to scroll into every entry to see if I've posted this song before or not, but it hit me last night, and I had to find an Mp3 for myself, and chose to post it all here.

Summer is coming. I'm kinda scared & excited but I can't keep it away.

More changes.

More movement.

More decisions.

And less time ...

Ciao.

Done

2011-05-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

Grades are DONE!

To celebrate I had a GIANT taco of wrapped meats, cheese, and bacon, which should come with a defibrillator for all the chaos it does to the human body.

And to top it all off, a beer. A BIG Beer!

I am relaxed, downloading old TV shows, waiting for the last days to come.

My year is over.

BAM!

Goodbye munchkins!

Goodbye steady pay.

Hello fretful summer.

But ... like everything else ... take it a little at a time.

Thanks for listening gang.

Oh, and the rapture was rescheduled for October. If you're uncertain what I mean see my previous blog.

Love,

~ j ~

The End ... maybe

2011-05-21T19:22:00.002-07:00

The End

I keep hearing the end of the world is coming, and if it is I am going to do a few things before I go:

If I wronged you I am sorry.

If I held back, I love you … or miss you, or both.

If I’ve been negligent, please forgive me.

If I’ve wasted my talents & energy, hopefully there’ll be another chance on Monday to start over again.

In my heart of hearts there’s little thought on the idea of the world coming to an end. I’m not gonna think about it too much. In the morning I’ll do laundry, have tacos, maybe go to church, and relax with the preparation of lesson plans. I’ll doodle some more art few will see, make dinner and walk my dog before cleaning my clothing of the excessive dog hair and shining my shoes in preparation of Monday.

Maybe it’ll take the end of my world to make a real change in my life, but I gotta try.

Take care.

If we’re writing Monday obviously the apocalypse didn’t happen. If not at least I said my piece.

Adios.

~ j ~

End of the World movies - http://www.buzzfeed.com/gavon/21-end-of-the-world-movies

Calculations Made by This - http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/05/16/by-the-numbers-how-may-21-2011-was-calculated-to-be-judgment-day/

Interesting Blog - http://creativeunconventionallife.blogspot.com/2011/05/change-ahead-be-sure-its-for-better.html

Read for a smile - http://honesthypocrite.blogspot.com/2006/05/how-world-will-end.html

A little something - http://worldofhurtonline.com/

Another POV - http://my.opera.com/Xakurji/blog/will-the-world-end-by-2012

Squabbling & Squawking

2011-05-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

Squabbling & SquawkinToday sucked as a day would go.

And I am truly beginning to rethink my career choices.

I was situated in my classroom, tending to my kids when I was told about the extra kids I’d be getting that were not going on the field trip today. Now I did know about the field trip the day before, and I went out and bought a few things for my day: sidewalk chalk, candy, both hard & assorted chocolates, and a few Monsters’ for myself. I was briefed by another teacher, telling me that I’d be getting the kids and keeping them in the classroom for the first three (3) class periods. And then they’d leave from time to time to their elective teachers; does the word clusterfuck mean anything to you?

By the way, remember last year when I was given the regular English classes to teach, and then when the New Year came I lost them for testing since I wasn’t certified? Well, they’re back. Some are damned thrilled to have me as their teacher, and others’ wish I were dead and buried. They’ve been very clear they don’t give a tinkers’ what’s-it for me and I don’t lose any sleep worrying about popularity, so my days are busy. We do SAT words, journal-writing, lots of open-ended discussions and I try reading the classics with them like Twain & Kipling, especially for their age. I ask many questions to see how their brains develop recall, giving them notes and sometimes, the story to use for reinforcement, and ask them to try techniques for their practices such as using poetry terms like alliteration or words with suffixes or Latin roots to see where they are in abstract thought.

So today, since some of the teachers’ went on the field trip, and had substitutes, some kids didn’t want to stay with them and I was showing “The Land That Time Forgot”, a 1975 movie starring Doug McClure, the infamous 70’s B-actor from a lot of American International movies. Then came the cartoons: The Simpsons, King of the Hill, and some Warner Brothers (Bugs & Daffy) clips and MGM (Tom & Jerry). And, on top of all that, I was handing out candy most of the morning, offering them the chance to be relaxed, and to just hang out with their friends, and offering finger-painting on large papers.

Some found their electives had one kid, (themselves) so I told them if they wanted to return, they could as long as they had permission. Even with the chaos I still managed to get a list of kids, their ID #’s and keep track of them all, reining them in so they could be safe and secure.

So fuckin’ lousy a way to end the goddamned day. We also had to rush over to see some play sponsored by the Opera Society of Alamo Heights, and the play was an allegory between bullying and Japan’s attack on Shanghai in the late 30’s or German concentration camps; honestly, I wasn’t paying attention as I had to monitor the kids behaviors.

Then came the meeting with the principal at the end of the day. That was a total bitch-fest, nothing more. One teacher, a fat fuckin’ troll of a woman, was trying to get her class to do work, not offering them a movie, or some kind of fun activities. She shouted in the meeting, “I didn’t know what to do! They came asking to go to Mr. So-and-So’s room because he was having candy and movies! What was I supposed to do?”

I knew the ridiculous troll was talking about me so I kept my tongue closed, and didn’t shout, “Tell them NO! You’re their fuckin’ teacher you piece-of-shit idiot!! FUCK, it’s just a goddamned request! Turn it the FUCK down and tell them to do your work assignments!”

It was in me but I didn’t say a word.

Not one fuckin’ word. And everyone knew who this lady was trying to embarrass so I kept my mouth closed and my eyes down on the tabletop, never uttering a syllable.

A friend of mine sent me some art supplies to refresh my soul, and in all honesty, the soul is coming along. It’s slow, but it’s coming around, and I am beginning to feel like me. I was gonna invest in a projector, make some sample signs, and start painting again. I still plan to do so but I’m feeling chaotic at the moment.

Besides the mess of a field trip for the west wing group, there’s a few more things to consider:

Monday my east wing group is going on their field trip. Now it’s my turn to plan a disaster.

My CV axle is coming apart. My car is shaking apart. It will need to be repaired staring at $100 not including time & the service charge for labor or parts. And that’s the cheapest I’ve found so far, but I’ll do another web search & see if there’s a better deal out there.

A student loan I took out is going into default. I need $9000 by May 31 or my wages will be garnished. That’ll be goddamned funny as I won’t be working shortly afterwards. (It’s already tickling me.)

I won’t be working as a substitute teacher after June 6^th as that will be the last day of school, so I have to make something of the talent God gave me and I must be successful. I don’t have an option of failure.

When I came home today I had just visited my father. My mom’s at 90% remission on her cancer, and I can calmly keep from crying every time I see her. I never gave her the grandchildren she hopes for, and I need someone in life to help me, unless I adopt. And without a real source of income, that’s a futile grasp into nothingness.

He told me, “Be tough. So it’s gonna cost $500 or more. It’s just money. Be a Marine; show no fear.”

It didn’t help: “Dad, I got kicked out of the Marines, remember?”

I know he was trying to help me feel better, stronger, enpowered, but that wasn’t it. Now if he said, “Your winning number for tonight are 10, 05, 67, 14, 07, and 69.”, then that could have been a greater boost to my needs.

My palm didn’t itch. My dogs are fed, and I had a sliver of Wild Turkey to calm me down as I ponder the future while working on the present.

Let’s see what happens next.

Saying Something

2011-04-19T18:34:00.001-07:00

I know I've been forgotten, relinquished to a small memory, and left behind.

And at the same time I've been found, dusted off, and I keep hearing reminders about being a dreamer, and what a good thing that is in life.

My life is still mediocre, but I think one day I'll find that precipice to leap from, dropping deeper into my hopes and dreams.

So what am I gonna do? I'm gonna drop a hypodermic into my heart and keep chasing my dreams.

As well as I can do it ... teaching isn't my dream.

I have to admit that myself and be honest with my fears, wants and choices. And one of them may be moving out of Texas.

Of course, saying and doing are two different things aren't they, dear readers?

School lets out in 6 weeks, and we'll see what happens this summer.

(Pause.)

But ... I gotta admit ... I do have some amazing memories.

Now let's go make some more.

Christmas in April

2011-04-12T22:22:00.001-07:00

End of last week I received a package, and it made me smile. Inside were art supplies, and in it was a tear in my heart that I don't often release.

Someone very special (Thank you my dearest!) gave me a gift showing a little support and belief in me.

Now I gotta enhance that belief in myself.

It was a Christmas in April ... surprising and wonderful.

Thank you again my dearest friend.

~BTW~ If y'all wanna be great American writers ... try this link:

http://www.evilchili.com/blogs/459/The_Formula_For_Writing_a_Work_of_Serious_Modern_Literature

Feeling Different

2011-03-23T14:59:00.002-07:00

So what would you (my readers) say if I posted/sent one of the other blogs a cock-shot of me?

I am feeling different, I really don't know how else to put it but I feel different.

(Pause)

As for the image of my wang, I'm not hung, I'm not John Holmes and I'm not an upright a malt liquor beer bottle. But since my dental surgery I've been feeling ... different.

Hot Chocolate - Every 1's A Winner Lyrics @ LyricsTime.com

What's next? I dunno ... but I'll keep moving forward.

Thanks for listening. Hope you like the music.

~ J ~

Rumors Say ...

2011-03-22T22:11:00.000-07:00

I could be teaching the hottentots until the end of the year, meaning a constant source of cash in my life and in my pocket, which will be helpful in the upcoming year.

I'm still taking my drugs, hoping the damned stitches will fall out of my jaw and my mouth will heal a little better. And I am trying to paint.

Or draw ... or smile.

That's it.

Thanks for listening.

Love,

~ j ~

Settled Pain, the sequel

2011-03-15T23:39:00.001-07:00

Settled Pain = Happy Camper

Monday morning at 9:30 a.m., I went to see the dentist the clinic referred me to after my bout with pain last week. They told me I’d need to see an oral surgeon who’s remove my Wisdom teeth from my head and honestly, I was fuckin’ scared.

No bullshit.

I didn’t want to go, but a good friend of mine took me and I went in, calm and collected.

Unlike the previous dentist he was not condescending to my lack of dental care; in fact, he was complimentary at the state of condition I held presently. (I drink a lot of milk so that could be my saving grace.) He was a nice Indian man, kind eyes, and his staff was very patient with me. I think they could see I was nervous so they put me at ease and kept me calm, never telling me anything that could happen or if the procedure would be painful.

The night before I couldn’t sleep. I kept seeing Youtube videos of dental techniques and clips from the movie Marathon Man rushing into my skull.

Even jacking off to porn didn’t lower my blood-pressure.

But for some reason, when I got there, I was calm.

After taking another x-ray, the dentist came in, gave me several small shots and numbed the inside of my mouth. All the drugs we locals so I had control of my facilities. I was thinking about punching the dentist in the balls if I felt the slightest pain so I was lucid and ready for anything.

Now how did he do it?

Well, drugs for one thing.

He was chilled, smiling and never insulting or rude. Total professional; I’d go back if I had insurance, no doubt.

I started counting the leaves on the faux paintings he had on the wall.

Then I started counting the holes in the ceiling tiles, but my vision is shot so I need to get my eyes checked next and probably get some glasses.

(I haven’t had glasses since the 80’s and dental work since the 90’s so as you can see I can damned well let everything go except for my dreams. They’re the only thing keeping me alive to date: the perfect woman, the perfect life, the dream to end all dreams.)

Then came the tools, and the blood, but not very much of it.

When he entered my mouth with a big thick instrument (Sounds like the beginning of my erotica! ~lol!~) I paused, felt a mild discomfort, and accepted it, swallowing and letting him do all the work, never bouncing back or becoming over excited. His nurse held my head in place, the dentist spun my skull a few times, and he was done.

No crying, no whining and a mild irritation when he began cleaning my teeth. Since we had arranged for me to pay in installments I gave him the $250 I had in my wallet with the promise that I’d pay the rest on April 01 when the district pays me again for all the wonderful substitute teaching I do at their beck and call.

So, this is something similar to the collection he used on me.

Along with this little doozy.

And this is what he did.

(Pause)

And this was the end result.

For the last few days I’ve been on soft foods, like soup, yogurts, pudding and all my coffee and tea have to be lukewarm or tepid; nothing scalding and nothing icy. I’ve been told to eat gently, slowly, deliberately, so as not to aggravate the stitches in my skull or to expose the gum line to excessive force and cause bleeding.

I’ll be like this till I return to school, and all I need to do is finish my antibiotics, my pain killers and the oral solution I use to keep the wound clean. It’s super-strong mouthwash but I am doing my best to tolerate the horrid taste.

Sadly, I didn’t take my cell phone or ask for the teeth as a souvenir but I was glad the procedure was done, I would still have money to last me the next few weeks, and I was able to feel my recovery beginning. I am sleeping during the day a bit more than usual but I’ll be okay.

I’m a happy camper now.

Sans 2 teeth, but happy nonetheless.

21 Questions - If these are PG-13 what are the X-rated ones like?! (with Addendum)

2011-03-15T08:46:00.007-07:00

1. How old are you? ~ I am 43 born July 1967.

2. What's your favorite color? ~ Green, but I like a lot of natural tones. It makes me happy, but happy doesn't always exude confidence.

3. First car you ever had sex in? ~ Chevy Monte Carlo

4. Favorite rated R movie? ~ Torn between the English Patient & Carlito's Way

5. Favorite flavor of popsicle? ~ We have paletas in the South/Texas which are made with ice and fruit so I go strawberry.

6. Banana or apple? ~ Apple, green.

7. Favorite Jersey shore character? ~ No way! I'd rather BE in Celbrity Detox with Dr. Drew than watch that one. Maybe it's an age thing.

8. Are your nails painted and if so what color? ~ Nope. Gnawed but not painted.

9. Favorite animal? ~ Dogs. I have 2, almost like the ones in the picture.

10. If you could bang a Disney character who would it be? ~ Ariel from the Little Mermaid; I had a friend of mine in college who was a brunette version of Ariel.

11. What time is bed time? ~ 2am, but I get up at 6am to feed dogs & get ready for work. I take a nap when I'm home & done teaching so staying up late off-set's my body-clock.

12. Do you have kids? ~ Nope, but I'd like to; failed 3 DNA test in the last 20 years.

13. Last time you bought a toilet brush? ~ Last year.

14. Double penetration ( come on I had to get one in) ~ Looking for volunteers? ;-)

15. Bubble bath or long hot shower? Hot shower.

16. Can you speak a foreign language? ~ Spanish, a little French & Italian but honestly, why? Babel Fish do it all for you.

17. Describe yourself in 2 words? Smart ass. Better than being a dumb ass.

18. How many tattoos do you have if any? Unmarked, and it leaves fewer distinguishing marks on your body for identifiable points on an APB.

19. How do you like your eggs? Easy over.

20. How do you get rid of a hickey...I need to know I don't have a clue. The only one I had was on my inner thigh; I guess a turtle neck sweater?

and 21. Favorite color to wear. ~ Black, sunglasses, shoes/boots or my overcoat. Any of those make me feel super-confident.

*************

And I have returned to Daisy's Blog, and found 21 MORE questions that I can't help but to try and answer. Photos are another story...

Do you dare take the challenge? "I do." Be as naughty or virginal as you want. Wanna play copy the questions, grab my button and link on up.

This week is first thing you think of are ya ready???

1. Pink - Victoria's Secret

2. Lolly pop - Motifake

3. cherry on top - Dairy Queen

4. 3 - My weight (embarrassing) times a hundred

5. entertainment center - HP laptop

6. spoon - coffee

7. Biology lab - a dissection project

8. Wham Bam - Thank you Ma'am

9. Dessert - Heineken

10. Rough - Wood

11. Hot tub -80's porn

12. Sex Club - A place I wanna visit

13. Lips - Someone far away in my dreams

14. floor - a slice of mad impulse

15. ice - something I can't have due to my Wisdom Teeth removal

16. naughty or nice - cupcakes

17. table top - messy classroom (sorry!)

18. back - standing straight

19. Ryan Reynolds (yes had to get him in) - sweaty six pack (Blade 3)

20. Tattoo - Hervé Villechaize & Kat Von D

and

21. boobies - My Favorite Pair = Christy Canyon & my favorite size (F-cup; I just miss a certain pair of boobs!)

21 Questions - If these are PG-13 what are the x-rated ones like?!

2011-03-15T07:13:00.001-07:00

To be a little fun I may be adding some images to this entry today. I picked this up from another blog because the PG-13 intrigued me as I am a film buff, and think society has declined with the introduction of such a rating.

1. How old are you?
2. What's your favorite color?
3. First car you ever had sex in?
4. Favorite rated R movie?
5. Favorite flavor of popsicle?
6. Banana or apple?
7. Favorite Jersey shore character?
8. Are your nails painted and if so what color?
9. Favorite animal?
10. If you could bang a Disney character who would it be?
11. What time is bed time?
12. Do you have kids?
13. Last time you bought a toilet brush?
14. Double penetration ( come on I had to get one in)
15. Bubble bath or long hot shower?
16. Can you speak a foreign language?
17. Describe yourself in 2 words?
18. How many tattoos do you have if any?
19. How do you like your eggs?
20. How do you get rid of a hickey...I need to know

and 21. Favorite color to wear.

Not a Happy Camper

2011-03-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm kinda scared so if you don't hear from me for the next few days I'm loopy on drugs or recovering slowly and hoping for minimum fear to coarse through my body.

Monday morning, 930am I am having my Wisdom Teeth pulled from my head, and to make matters worse, I just saw a video on Youtube where a dentist used a fuckin' chisel to rip out the goddamned teeth!!!

There will be blood, and there's gonna be fear. A member of my family will be driving me and keeping me company to make sure I don't lose my mind or freak out or lose control of my car going across town to have this done.

And to think I was gonna use this money for sign material and paints.

~lol!~

Gonna pray, and gonna light a candle before I leave in the morning.

Adios.

~ j ~

Class War

2011-03-12T22:00:00.001-07:00

First seen on this blog: http://cultofthedeadfish.blogspot.com/2011/03/uk-class-war.html

I may have to become more political as I grow older or there will be nothing left for my children (when I finally have them) or grandchildren.

Take care.

Photo Story

2011-03-09T22:32:00.001-07:00

Here's the link: Click This

Follow along with the images & see if they give you a chuckle or a smile, teach a lesson or make you say, "There but for the grace of God go I ... "

Shit, I gotta do something constructive in this ol' world before I check out, right?

Cheers mate.

~btw~ I'd love a wife like Geena Davis in "The Long Kiss Goodnight"

Neneh Cherry - "Woman"

You gotta be fortunate
You gotta be lucky now
I was just sitting here
Thinking good and bad
But I'm the kinda woman
That was built to last
They tried erasing me
But they couldn't wipe out my past
To save my child
I'd rather go hungry
I got all of Ethiopia
Inside of me
And my blood flows
Through every man
In this godless land
That delivered me
I've cried so many tears even the blind can see

Chorus:
This is a woman's world.
This is my world.
This is a woman's world
For this man's girl.
There ain't a woman in this world,
Not a woman or a little girl,
That can't deliver love
In a man's world.

I've born and I've bread.
I've cleaned and I've fed.
And for my healing wits
I've been called a witch.
I've crackled in the fire
And been called a liar.
I've died so many times
I'm only just coming to life.

Chorus

My blood flows
Through every man and every child
In this godless land
That delivered me
I cried so many tears even the blind can see

Chorus

Lyrics found here

Unsettling Pain

2011-03-07T19:07:00.003-07:00

The Damned Unsettling Pain

I have a bit of a threshold for pain. I can tolerate quite a bit and don’t worry too much about wounds once the initial shock has subsided. But right now I am in so much fuckin’ pain I hate myself and I hate the world around me. I am trying to control it and maybe, along with my loss record in life currently, I don’t put my heart into my faith. I should, and I try, but it doesn’t always happen for me. God does answer my prayers; more often with ‘no’, or ‘sorry, that’s not for you’.

(Fuck, the pain is subsiding a little with the aspirin but I hate taking drugs. I can feel the throbbing into the back of my skull, and I hate feeling weak or injured, or impotent for that matter. I’m not a success, I don’t feel happy, and I am trying to write, and the damned writer’s block won’t leave me anything but shitty little poems and I don’t like writing them, but at least they’re expressive.)

It doesn’t even feel like a punch, a large smack that lands on your face or head, jarring your brain, making you shudder and jerk, then fall down or ringing in your ears, keeping awake for fear of never opening your eyes again. It’s worse. It feels like a boring worm, spinning & eating into your ears from the inside out, tearing into your jawline, making you wish you could rend your mouth open, remove any ailment, and stop the fucking pain completely. The damned internal throbbing is the worst: think Marathon Man & the phrase, “Is it safe?”

I am going to prepare a few worksheets and maybe take the day off, see the dentist and take what little money there is in my pocket with me, hoping for a miracle of cheap/inexpensive dental work. I can’t even afford to lose a day of work but I don’t have a choice and need to get some fuckin’ relief or I will rip off someone’s skull at the wrong time. I am driving across town near my old home where my family lives (meaning my folks) and hope I don’t need to call my father for a ride home if I am too woozy IF I have a procedure done to me.

Pain of failure.

Pain of disappointment.

Pain of sadness.

Pain of loss.

Pain.

Honestly, I’d rather rail against the world, crying out, hoping for justice, change, or hope; instead I am a ball of flesh weeping on the floor.

Most often I ignore the pain, and maybe that’s why I can’t heal anything about myself.

And I hate that about myself.

I guess those are reasons I’m not successful.

I was trying to write about my last set of miserable moments but that didn’t happen. I was trying to write about my mother being diagnosed with cancer, my client bailing on me for an art job, and my shitty day taking care of two classrooms instead of one.

That’s when Google lost my entry, and I shifted gears; and that was last week’s pain.

This week’s pain is much fuckin’ closer.

Throbbing.

Relentless.

Sickening.

And like everything else, compounded, like any loser would do making sure of a fucked-martyr’s death. But a martyr dies for a cause; I have no cause, and I have no self.

Here I end my pity-party, and hopefully I’ll find less suffering and get my smile back later.

And write again.

Maybe even something erotic, something charged, something soulful and escapist.

Something …

Bye for now.

************************

Fuck, I am GOING tomorrow morning, or I am gonna go crazy.

Bye dear readers.

********* ADDENDUM ************

Thank you for the support: I was given Tramadol, a reference and something else ... Amoxicillin. I'll post some cell-phone photos and my thoughts on my other blog later on tonight if there's time.

Calming Down

2011-03-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

I'll finish the previous blog tomorrow. Maybe my thoughts will be more sorted with coffee or some sleep.

Maybe ... but these songs did help a little.

Mediocre Dreams

2011-03-03T00:07:00.001-07:00

MOTHERFUCKERR!!!

GODDAMNED BULLSHIT ASSHOLE MOTHER-FUCKERSS!!!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GODDAMNED YOUTUBE SIGN-IN LOST MY FUCKIN' BLOG THAT I SPENT 90 MINUTES ON TONIGHT!!

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's 1:15am and I need some sleep. A perfectly good, emotionally-attached blog lost; gone to fuckin' Hell without a pause or a dripping into History as if it never were there at all.

Try again tomorrow evening. Actually with the time, tonight.

Dammit!

Mediocre Dreams

2011-03-02T23:39:00.001-07:00

It was a rough day today. I had two classes muddled into one room, giving two lessons, trying to lecture mine while making the other class work quietly. I didn't get a lunch break as 4th period one group goes at A Lunch meaning the beginning of the class period, and one went at the end.

And I couldn't arbitrarily combine or hold back one group or the other.

Today, fatigued with the class loads, the loud students, and (in the middle of my worst class) I got a text from my sister who told me my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and has stage-3 Lymphoma, and has a 50% chance of survival through chemo and drug treatments.

I got the news & couldn't stop to call my family because we were short-handed, and when the news (text) took the wind from my sails, the kids became bigger assholes and I just didn't have the heart to fuckin' argue or fight them.

Art Journal

2011-02-27T23:22:00.000-07:00

http://rainbowsbeginning.blogspot.com/2011/02/art-journal.html

In case you're wondering I have two (2) blogs here, one for my writings/poetry/erotica and one for my books, ideas, sketches and projects (and for some erotica too).

The link above tells you about what's coming next.

Subscribe when you can or just peek in from time to time.

Blessings & Love,

Julian

Radar Love ~ Golden Earring

2011-02-23T16:07:00.001-07:00

Radar Love lyrics

I’ve been drivin‘ all night my hand’s wet on the wheel

There’s a voice in my head that drives my heel

And my baby calls that she needs me here

It’s half past four and I’m shifting gear

When she gets lonely and the longing gets too much

She sends a cable comin‘ in from above

We don’t need to talk at all

We got a thing that’s called radar love

We got a wave in the air

Radar Love

Radio’s playin‘ some forgotten song

Brenda Lee’s coming on strong

The road has got me hypnotized

And I’m spinning into a new sunrise

When I get lonely and I’m sure I’ve had enough

She sends her comfort coming in from above

We don’t need a letter at all

We got a thing that’s called radar love

We got a line in the air

Radar Love

SOLO

No more speed I’m almost there

Gotta keep cool now, gotta take care

Last car to pass here I go

And the line of cars goes down real slow

And the radio played some forgotten song

Brenda Lee’s coming on strong

And the newsman sang his same song

Oh one more radar lover gone

When I get lonely and I’m sure I’ve had enough

She sends her comfort coming in from above

We don’t need a letter at all

We got a thing that’s called radar love

We got a line in the sky

We got a thing that’s called radar love

We got a thing that’s called radar love

http://www.elyrics.net/read/g/golden-earring-lyrics/radar-love-lyrics.html

Problematic

2011-02-13T22:09:00.001-07:00

I hate my life, and I truly don't know why I don't burst into flames and save all the world all my bullshit and melancholy.

Right now the following has occurred:

I have a dented rim leading me to a flat tire. Thus I need to scramble for a ride to work at 640am, and to get one home in the middle of the afternoon at 3pm.
Sallie Mae is hounding me for money I can't get them in any way at my current lifestyle as a substitute teacher.
I am overweight, and unhappy with myself.
My students get another change, and I am now teaching remedial lessons to kids with attention-span problems or who are apathetic as 6th graders.
I am broke, and I didn't even get a chance to work on any Valentine's day projects.
And to top it off, talking to my mother this evening I learned she has a tumor, and will be undergoing a CAT scan to determine its' location and severity.

I am staying calm. I won't cry, as my mother would be disappointed in me if I did so, and I won't be telling anyone on my 'vanilla' Facebook page about my woes. I'll post images there of my lies and what isn't happening, as I really don't give an honet-to-God flying shit about those mementoes of my past-life.

It wasn't great, and I don't care to relive the glory days.

Fuck that. All that's over. I didn't have them. I lead a mediocre life, giving all I could and not getting but for a few times and people who honestly know how precious they are to me because I tell them.

I'm trying not to think.

Just insert grades, get ready for tomorrow and see about calling in a few favors.

Move on, don't lose my head.

Take care & enjoy your holiday everyone.

Blessings,

afare24get

Wild Turkey blogging

2011-02-11T17:04:00.003-07:00

It's a little before 6pm and I am having a little Wild Turkey bourbon over ice (sacrelige, I know!) before feeding my dogs and grabbing some take-out.

I have been taken over the barrel, doing more grades and trying to tie all loose ends for the disappearing teacher. Personally I'm amazed he's not fired since Texas is not a union state, but maybe it comes down to his age or his sickness/disabilites.

Far as I know he's gonna keep drawing $3700 - $4200 per month, and maybe 65% of that if/when he retires. I am pulling in $950 a month, maybe $1100 if I can work ALL four weeks and all that ends in May.

So what can I do?

Have another sip & keep ducking my student loans just a little longer.

~lol!~

Stomach grumbling, and I know the dogs are hungry so I'm logging off. Thanks for the comments on my poem.

Sorry Valentine's Day was a bust.

Love you all.

~ j ~

Addendum:

Thank you all for your comments. Don't worry, my pups only had to wait a few minutes, I promise. As soon as I come home they go do (ahem!) their 'business' to alleviate their bladders first. And of course, to stretch their legs and bark at strays or squirrels or whatever's about; then they get to eat. Usually that takes 10 minutes so I call them back from barking-time and they eat, then I cook something for myself and eat too.

I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston

2011-02-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

Dipping

2011-02-01T21:41:00.002-07:00

According to the weather service, there is going to be a major dip in temperatures here in (Central) Texas in the next few days. Bring in your plants, wrap your pipes and stay warm.

Take care & much love.

Meet Me on Monday

2011-01-30T22:19:00.001-07:00

Questions:

1. What do you put on your hot dog?

Everything! Chili, cheese, relish, mustard. onions, and I am dying to visit other parts of the US where dogs are rippers, or have a culinary standard such as either being served on benches or with a 10 oz. Coke in a glass bottle.

2. Do you play Sudoku?

Nope. If anything I run to Scrabble.

3. What is your favorite vegetable?

Brocolli, or I can run to spinach easily. ~licking my lips~

4. Do you color your hair?

Nope, but I have done a blog about my impending grey hairs in the last few years so I'll try finding a link later to show you the wisp I fear.

By the way here's the link to my graying hair in case you wondered. There's also a cartoon attached that's another blog entirely.

5. What is your favorite brand of clothing?

Eddie Bauer, although Old Navy does have my geeky cartoon superheroes. And Wranglers jeans, as they can actually fit my chubby ass comfortably

.

Thanks for listening & take care everyone.

Back to Being Busy

2011-01-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

Well, as I was working on designs and thinking about what is to come next I suddenly found myself inundated with assignments. In fact, I went back to the school of Hottentots I worked with last year before the Christmas holidays.

So it's 6th grade again, 5 days a week, 7:15am to 3:00pm, and this includes grading papers, watching for anything else, meeting with parents, and I won't make more than I did last year, which (according to my W-2) was a total of $8400 and some change. I may do a little better this year, and I may make some cash under-the-table, trying to do some commissioned art, as my own desires don't make money ... yet.

I am going to be posting a few things on the next blog so you can see something wonderful, fanciful or warm and expressive.

I posted the above song for a dear friend of mine who needs to take in the fact that she is a jewel, not to be possessed, but to adorn the heart of someone deserving of her amazingness.

If you don't see much I haven't disappeared, I am just busy. I do promise this won't keep me from being a better writer or artist, just a busier one.

Take care & much love,

~ j ~

Little River Band - Lonesome Loser

2011-01-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

LITTLE RIVER BAND ~ "Lonesome Loser"

Have you heard about the lonesome loser

Beaten by the queen of hearts every time

Have you heard about the lonesome loser

He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'

Oooooooh-hooooooo-hooooooo

Oooooooh-ooooooh-hoooooooo

Sit down, take a look at yourself

Don't you want to be somebody

Someday somebody's gonna see inside

You have to face up, you can't run and hide

Have you heard about the lonesome loser

Beaten by the queen of hearts every time

Have you heard about the lonesome loser

He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'

Unlucky in love

Least that's what they say

He lost his head

And he gambled his heart away

He still keeps searching

Though there's nothing left

Staked his heart and lost

Now he has to pay the cost

Have you heard about the lonesome loser

Beaten by the queen of hearts every time

Have you heard about the lonesome loser

He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'

"It's okay", he smiles and says

Though this loneliness is driving him crazy

He don't show what goes on in his head

But if you watch very close you'll see it all

[Instrumental Interlude]

Sit down, take a look at yourself

Don't you want to be somebody

Someday somebody's gonna see inside

You have to face up, you can't run and hide

Have you heard about the lonesome loser

Beaten by the queen of hearts every time

Have you heard about the lonesome loser

He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'

Have you heard about the lonesome loser

Now tell me have you heard about the lonesome loser

http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/little_river_band/lonesome_loser.html

****

Just a little something I crossed after seeing "The Other Guys", which had a scene in Bed, Bath & Beyond, which was one of my stories last year.

I am working on new stories, new art and hopefully posting more goodies at my other blog next door.

Gotta keep trying.

Take care.

Someone Like You by Adele

2011-01-11T14:29:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine pointed out this song to me; thank you kindly. I hope you smile again as you're a brilliant young woman.

~ j ~

I heard

that you're settled down

that you

found a girl

and your

married now

I heard

that your dreams came true

I guess she gave you things

I didnt give to you

old friend

why you so shy

aint like you to hold back

or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

but I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it

I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded

that for me

it isn't over

nevermind

I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best

for you too

don't forget me

I beg

I'll remember you said

sometimes it lasts in love

but sometimes it hurts instead

sometimes it lasts in love

but sometimes it hurts instead

yeah

you know how the time flies

only yesterday

it was the time of our lives

we were born and raised

in a summer haze

bound by the surprise

of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

but I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it

I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded

that for me

it isn't over

nevermind

I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best

for you too

don't forget me

I beg

I'll remember you said

sometimes it lasts in love

but sometimes it hurts instead

nothing compares

no worries or cares

regrets and mistakes

and memories made

who would have known

how bittersweet

this would taste

nevermind

I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best

for you too

don't forget me

i beg

I'll remember you said

sometimes it lasts in love

but sometimes it hurts instead

nevermind

I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best

for you too

don't forget me

I beg

I'll remember you said

sometimes it lasts in love

but sometimes it hurts instead

sometimes it lasts in love

but sometimes it hurts instead

Killing Mr G in Texas

2011-01-08T15:40:00.000-07:00

I am reprinting an article I found on-line. This morning I met a friend for breakfast & to see an early showing of the Cohen Brother "True Grit" starring Jeff Bridges & Matt Damon. As we ate he told me about a story where several students decided to attack/assault their teachers. A few years back a group of kids in GA thought about the same thing, (See here) and nowadays a lot of the sites teacher start for their personal use are being monitored by employers. (See here)

So you've gotta think really carefully, "Do I want to be a teacher?"

----

'Attack A Teacher Day' Facebook Invite Gets 6 Girls Arrested'

MARTIN GRIFFITH | 01/ 7/11 06:34 PM |

RENO, Nev. — Six girls have been arrested after students were invited on Facebook to take part in "Attack a Teacher Day" at two middle schools.

One girl was accused of inviting about 100 students on the social networking website to participate in the event Friday, and the other five were accused of responding with online threats against specific teachers, Carson Middle School Principal Dan Sadler said.

The Nevada Appeal in Carson City reported the girls were booked Wednesday at juvenile hall on a misdemeanor charge of communicating threats. Their names were not released.

While the students insisted it was a joke, Sadler noted they were arrested on the same day a suspended 17-year-old student in Omaha, Neb., fatally shot an assistant principal and wounded his principal before fleeing the campus and taking his own life.

"School shootings really happen. That's why we took it seriously," Sadler told The Associated Press on Friday. "It's not OK, and it's not funny in this day and age if you're going to make a threat against a teacher."

Five of the students attend Sadler's school and the other attends Eagle Valley Middle School. Both schools are in Carson City.

Eighteen students accepted the invitation to participate in the attacks at the two schools, which had been set to take place from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m. Friday. A parent brought the posting to the attention of authorities, Sadler said.

Classes took place Friday without incident at both schools after students were earlier notified of the arrests and parents of the students who were arrested or accepted the invitations were contacted by authorities.

The 12- and 13-year-old students were arrested after allegedly posting threatening statements against six teachers at the two schools. One student used the word "die" before a teacher's name, while others wrote that they would "attack" certain teachers, Sadler said.

No specifics, such as weapons or how the attacks would be carried out, were mentioned, said Carson City sheriff's Deputy Jessica Rivera, the school district's resource officer. The invitation to join the attacks went out either Monday or Tuesday night.

"Even if the six girls meant it as a joke, there's no way to know if the other students who accepted the invitation weren't going to carry out the attacks in some fashion," Rivera said. "The school shooting in Nebraska is just another thing that shows us you can't take this kind of situation lightly."

The girls were released to the custody of their parents after their arrests. They were suspended from school for between three and five days.

The Facebook posting was removed by the parent of the girl who sent out the invitation to join the attacks.

Sadler said the teachers targeted by the threatening comments were shocked by the arrests because the six girls were good students. Some held leadership positions while others had top grades.

"I would say their reaction was `Are you serious? Is this really happening?'" Sadler said. "The more they thought about it, they said they were not OK with it. This is kind of disheartening to an educator."

Kathy Haas, a Carson Middle School teacher who taught two of the students who were arrested, said she was surprised because they seemed normal.

"It shows you just don't know what's going on in their minds," she said. "I don't understand their motivation. I don't think they think about the consequences because they're young. They're pretty immature then."

The arrests gave teachers at the schools a chance for classroom discussions about online communications with students, Haas added.

"It's a teachable moment and hopefully it prevents it from happening in the future," she said. "Most students know it was wrong. A lot of students said they knew about it (Facebook posting) and deleted it."

Carson City Sheriff Ken Furlong said the case demonstrates the need for parents to monitor their children's online activities.

"They made some pretty violent comments about some teachers, and this isn't even close to a joke," he said.

"Children's stresses are so great that they can act out on their frustrations. Parents need to monitor what their kids are doing on communication devices."

Originally posted at the Huffington Post here

Big Screw Up

2011-01-05T08:37:00.001-07:00

I had my calendar skewed, and I thought grades weren't due till next week when they're due NOW!

And sadly, my password was changed, so I had to do everything by hand, in little boxes, on Word and e-mail it this morning.

I'll be dropping off the papers later on today as I have another assignment; they really don't pay me enough to grade and guide all these pest for so little a time but I should have been more attentive. If you're wondering, with a degree, substitute teachers get about $60 - $80 a day, without/with a degree, and about $100 a day with a degree and certification, so if you're working all the time, in every changing environment of schools, then you can make $18K maybe all year, and when holidays and summer come up, you need a spare job.

And, no health insurance, so if you're sick or injured, you're outta luck.

That's why last year (2010) I was keeping a job with 2 school districts, and working nights & weekends at Bed, Bath & Beyond. And if you're not retired, (or have another source of income) you really need to get into a classroom where you can pull down $38K for your job being on the line ALL the time. If the child fails now, it's not, "What can we do to fix it?" It's "Why do you hate my child?"

Homework has gone the way of the dodo.

Writing lines is considered corporal punishment.

Using physical force to stop a fight is considered litigious & schools advise teachers not to get in the middle of a fight.

But, all that aside, the grades were my responsibility, and it's still my fault, so I gotta fix it or be sacrificed on the pyre of failure. I can do the lessons, motivate, and monitor the safety, but the minutiae, the bureaucracy, all that bores the ungodly SHIT out of me.

And that's why I have to try doing the other blog immediately. I had to think long & hard about it all, and look at what's out there for art, and make my decision.

So tonight, I'll be doing and (hopefully) posting a sketch or two, something to show my effort. (And no, the one at the top is not mine; I just Google'd scolding teacher as a phrase & these came up.)

And if you really want a chuckle, see what's on my other blog about grammar. The creation is amazing & I likened it to art if you're bold enough to make your own poster and print it and hang it somewhere.

Here's the link there.

Thank you for listening.

afare24get

Goodbye Clock

2011-01-04T15:11:00.001-07:00

Countdown Clock by Zoodu.com

In 20 +/- minutes you are done with my countdown.

Thank you & take care.

http://rainbowsbeginning.blogspot.com/2011/01/and-here-my-work-begins.html

Home for Now & A Second Blog

2011-01-04T13:21:00.001-07:00

My longer-term job just cancelled. In fact it happened this morning, so all I need to do is insert my grades, and unless something happens, I have a little more down-time.

I am waiting for payday & plotting some side work so I can keep afloat when I am not teaching.

Let's see what happens next.

Thanks for listening & my new blog is open.

Blessings,

Julian

"God helps those who help themselves." ~ Sidney Algernon (1622-1683)

"And the attitude of FAITH is the very OPPOSITE of clinging to belief, of holding on...[it] is to LET GO, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be. In other words, a person who is fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about the nature of God and the universe, becomes a person who has no faith at all." - Alan Watts

When the clock runs out ...

2011-01-03T22:40:00.002-07:00

http://rainbowsbeginning.blogspot.com/